This story is a fiction piece, and it was created from my imagination.
On Friday, March 26, yet another debris fire blazed beneath a Berkeley overpass, this time on Second street.
This fire did really blaze, burning through trash and people’s housewares and threatening a nearby encampment of unhoused people living in tents beneath the Berkeley freeway.
However, the rest of this story is a wild, fictional extrapolation of what could, would, and maybe should be taking place in the homeless or unhoused or houseless community in Berkeley and throughout.
The Problems With Fires Is
How this particular fire took place is currently unknown. How it may have taken place includes a selection of possibilities, most notably the following:
· Matches
· Spontaneous combustion
· Flammable furnishings
· Arson
· Cigarettes left lit
· Incense
· Leftover car fuel flame
As readers can see, the sheer volume of possibilities makes it difficult to deduce what might cause the many debris fires Berkeley, particularly near homeless encampments.
What caused this fire? Is it indicative of a wider issue in West Berkeley and other parts of the city?
A History of Blazes and Unhoused Populations
Berkeley is known as a haven for folks wanting to live a different kind of lifestyle: travelers, caravaners, people who truly want to live in tents in People’s Park.
They walk on UC Berkeley’s campus, bask in the sunshine, and occasionally take classes. They also haunt local parks and downtown Berkeley along Shattuck Avenue.
Since COVID-19, this population has expanded. Recently unhoused people live in RVs and tents along the same roads, underpasses, and near Berkeley Marina. There, a growing group of tents and make-shift homes is frequently searched by police.
Berkeley is also a haven to an aging population of mentally ill individuals who may or may not be responsible for all kinds of tomfoolery in the Bay, including dressing up like Santa Claus at all months of the year.
Most Berkeley residents are tolerant of these communities and people, though the unhoused and mentally ill can be violent. They are even supportive, seeking out solutions to support these communities, like passing local legislation and helping Berkeley citizens who live unhoused have access to food and hygiene products.
A Record is Broken
This fictional reporter has just broken our own record: we’ve gone this long in one of our articles telling the actual truth! What we previously wrote isn’t a fiction at all. It’s all true!
Pretty spectacular. Will we become a real news source? Time will tell. What we can tell you for sure is you’ll want to read on to learn how Berkeley residents are fictionally responding not to the homeless community, but to rising leaders within the community who are proposing serious solutions to local legislators.
We promise to still entertain you with local news, just with more fictional flare. Here goes nothing.
Fireproof Berkeley Housing Transcends Boundaries
In the wake of this debris fire, a Berkeley-born group of unhoused individuals, some of whom are architects, have banded together to design an incredible new type of housing: tent-skyscrapers.
The group, which called themselves The Berkeley Bumblebees, are dedicated to honoring people’s wishes if they wish to remain unhoused.
In order to limit debris fires in the future, they’ve initiated design and construction on a whole new type of housing: tent-skyscrapers.
“They’re exactly what they sound like,” lead architect Monty Brontosaurus said. “We want to live in tents, feel the breeze on our skin, and avoid fires and police ransacking our homes.”
The solution: a sixteen-story platform-based building. On each platform or level, people will be allowed to pitch their tents.
But what about the height?
“Don’t worry, there’ll be plexiglass barriers on each floor so folks don’t blow away or bounce off.
Berkeley City Council Approves Elimination of Single Family Zoning
Another true thing! We’re on a roll. It’s true, Berkeley City Countil did unanimously approve eliminating single family zoning.
This is great news for our tent-skyscraper.
The council loved Monty and group’s idea. “We thought it was such a hoot, and finally a way for Berkeley to take responsibility in helping to support these populations instead of just giving them food sometimes,” said one councilmember, fictionally.
“Yes, we’re definitely ready for this kind of solution. Housing affordability is a joke in Berkeley. And anyone who lives near low-income housing seems more likely to experience crimes and issues like debris fires.” Said another.
Plans for Construction
The tent-skyscraper will be called Tent City and will be constructed with the same amenities as trendy, upscale buildings recently built along Adeline St. near downtown Berkeley.
That’s right: instead of burning trash and debris under the freeway, residents of Tent City will enjoy a free gym, a Starbucks, walking distance to local movie theaters and BART, and more.
Construction begins next week, in early April.
“It should go pretty quickly,” Monty told us. “It’s literally platforms up high and people bring their own tents.”
The waiting list for Tent City is already in the hundreds. People are signing up on clipboards being circulated around tent groups and temporary housing under freeways in the whole city.
“Priority goes to recently unhoused and families,” said Monty. Right on. “Then to vagabonds.” Of course.
Construction should be completed this summer, when individuals will be able to move in. The first day of move-in, the city of Berkeley and the Berkeley Bumblebees will throw a big party.
“We’re planning on a big party and everyone’s invited! We’ll see you at our Tent City Gala. That’s right, it’s a gala. We’re taking everything from you,” said Monty’s right hand person, Silius.
Debris Fire Survivors
All folks who’ve been harmed by this or any debris fire should call their local representative and advocate for Tent City, a tent-skyscraper extravaganza where our community can come together, and not in those snooty buildings nobody can afford.
Because, seriously, who is moving into those “move in today!” apartment buildings?
Inquiring minds want to know.
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Justice Now
2023-10-08
So you want to write lies about us??? WTF is your problem? how about a homeless Piece of Shit burns your house down, and we call it fiction? Think asshole!!!!
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