Graffiti Artist to Spray Paint Golden Gate Bridge Pale Lavender

Photo by Joonyeop Baek on Unsplash

This story is a fiction piece, and it was created from my imagination.

Look out, artistic San Franciscans! Next week a mysterious artist is fictitiously painting the whole entire Golden Gate Bridge pale lavender, a color he has named millinouage.

A Surprising Introduction

That’s right. The formerly golden—actually red—bridge will become pale lavender, reflecting the gorgeous fading pastel palette of colors from the sunset descending on the horizon of the Pacific Ocean.

The Benefactor

Who’s behind this exciting completely fictional news? Marc Benioff, of course!

The man who created the giant Salesforce Tower, the city’s biggest and boldest eyeflower—the new word for eyesore you use when you’re trying to be polite in case for any reason in the future you’re in contact with Marc Benioff, which, while unlikely, remains a possibility with a building as large as the Salesforce Tower.

Benioff’s interest in the fine arts led him to commission a mysterious San Francisco painter, Millow Mace. And he’s asked Millow to create something that will make San Francisco international news—again.

Millow is going to paint the Golden Gate Bridge lavender with a giant paintbrush tied to an airplane traveling impossibly slowly.

Will it be permanent? Will it look good? Nobody knows.

Mace is unlikely to speak at this time, but here are some initial details: we know he used to live in the Mission and is currently preparing for his artistic achievement by hiding out somewhere in Marin. We will share more further on—let’s keep reading!

Outrage in Presidio Heights

Citizens with taste are asking that the artist not paint the Golden Gate Bridge any new color.

“We’d prefer to leave it as it is,” said one individual. “It took long enough to get it the color it is now.”

Art fans with financial means and without believe the lavender makeover is long overdue. “We’re thrilled,” said a couple we suspect is really from Berkeley. “This is going to be a masterpiece. A real hoot. A treat. An incredible opportunity to see some high-class art.”

We agree, but not everyone does.

Citizens who do not want Millow Mace anywhere near the Golden Gate Bridge with his giant lavender paintbrush have decided to create a petition.

They’re calling it: Keep San Francisco Red.

We think the name is a mistake, but we’re a fake news source, not an op-ed, know what we mean?

The petition is being circulated throughout the internet, where people live now.

Zoom Avenue and Buffer Street alike have seen the petition, and it is heavy. While there are some signatures on it, fans of Millow’s believe it’ll have little impact on the new lavender glory of the Golden Bate Bridge.

Will the miffed citizens win, or will Millow Mace paint the Golden Gate Bridge pale lavender like the people want?

Artists Emerge in Lavender Force

In response to this news, local artists have decided to show their solidarity by painting various parts of the city lavender.

“It’s a menace! What’ll we do with these artists crawling all over the place, disrupting everything?” Said one grumpy old man.

“We like it, but it is hurting my partner’s eyes,” said an artist-fan who is wondering if pale lavender can be the real eyesore here.

The following parts of the City are now lavender ahead of the bridge-painting: The Transamerica building, the Bay Bridge, Lombard Street, Fishermen’s Grotto (but not Fisherman’s Wharf—go figure!), and a large freight ship that is now stuck in the Suez Canal—also go figure. And also this is fake, un-fact-checked information.

Or is it? Can we imagine a lavender-infused world? A rainbow of wonderful colors? A sunset palette with hues to make us blush and feel at peace?

We can. Can you?

Also, police are looking for the culprits who painted these various parts of the city. That is technically vandalism unless Marc Benioff asks you to do it.

Who is Millow Mace?

This mysterious, little-known artist is shrouded in shadow.

Rumor has it, he is hiding in a bunker in Oakland with his pet terrier, Chaumsy.

Against all odds, we found Millow—indeed in the bunker—and asked him some pointed questions.

Here is our Q & A:

Us: Thanks for this interview, Millow. You’re the talk of the town.

Millow: Really? I wouldn’t know. I don’t consume any mass media.

Us: *crickets* That’s great! We neither. What we wanted to talk with you about today is your upcoming art installation, millinouage. What does that name mean, by the way?

Millow: It’s a secret.

Us: We see. Can you give us a hint?

Millow: It is like millionaires and heaven and a mirage.

Us: Interesting. We like that very much. It’s like a social commentary on our current condition.

Millow: Sure, if you say so. I just like the way the words sound together, and I like to pretend I’m French sometimes.

Us: What about the art installation itself? How long do you think it’ll take?

Millow: Well, considering people are constantly repainting the Golden Gate Bridge, literally almost every day, I expect it will take at least a few weeks. We are, however, looking for volunteers. Do you know anyone who can hold a paintbrush and dip it in purple paint? If so, I’d like to speak with them. Here is my address *hands us a paper* they can mail me their interest. Truly, I don’t even have internet access.

Us: Wow, this is great information. What about the public response? Did you expect this kind of criticism leveled against you?

Millow: *sniffs* well, at first it hurt my feelings, so I hid in the bunker. Then I realized I had to face life boldly, like the boldness of that bridge. And I decided to go ahead. While I did not expect this criticism, surely neither did Marc Benioff when the Salesforce Tower was constructed.

“Or he did expect it, and did it anyway, making it the tallest building in the City. Who knows? I’ll see you on the lavender bridge.”

Follow me to see more articles like this.

...

Follow