We’re in our mid-30s and have saved diligently while paying off all of our debt – why is it so hard to spend money now?

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• • This couple has paid all of their debts.
  • The husband is finally earning a significant income in his mid-30s.
  • He is concerned about stopping his frugal spending habits.

When it comes to having an above-average net worth, everyone reacts to having more money differently. For some, it’s an opportunity to spend beyond their wildest imagination; for others, it’s the fear of spending and losing it all. In the case of one Redditor in this post on r/fatFIRE, he has started making 10x more than his past day job and now has overwhelming guilt over spending too much.

There is no question that many people feel like imposters as soon as they start earning enough to feel they have far surpassed how they grew up. It’s not uncommon and happens to millions of people, even if they are not high-income earners.

What I love most about this post is the honesty of the Redditor. He’s not talking about millions of dollars, at least not yet. Instead, he’s focused on being comfortable without feeling guilty, which is very relatable.

The Scenario

This 30-something Redditor joined the r/fatFIRE subreddit looking for help transitioning from living frugally to enjoying some luxury. Many other Redditors in this subreddit are familiar with this tale, so as expected, advice flowed freely about managing his new lifestyle best.

He has started making about ten times more money than in any other position. This has allowed him to max out all retirement accounts, fund some 529s for children, pay off his family's student loan debt, plus their mortgage, and complete some home renovation projects. He now considers himself a member of the HENRY club, or “High Earner, Not Rich Yet.”

The Recommendation

While I’m not a financial advisor and cannot give educated advice, I agree with one of the first comments in this thread. This individual should work to change their mindset to stop counting money. This is especially true for anything considered an expense around healthy living.

As he mentions, he loves golfing, swimming, and having a sense of community and might want to join a country club; thus, he shouldn’t be fearful of spending. This should be encouraged to help him escape his no longer relevant philosophies around frugal spending.

The bottom line is that he needs to stop worrying if he isn’t overspending or living beyond his means. It sounds like he’s already put his money to smart use by paying off outstanding debt and renovating a home which likely increased its overall value, and setting up education funds. These are smart expenses that can pay off later, instead of buying a luxury car or taking multiple expensive trips.

The biggest challenge is that he’s only in his second year of living with this significant jump in income, so arguably, things may change down the road. We can only hope that his spending habits don’t change and that his continued high income doesn’t overwhelm his desire to be smart with money.

The Takeaway

Ultimately, this Redditor should consider that he’s been allowed to do something better for himself and his family. So long as he does everything within reason and doesn’t go against his gut and start unnecessarily overspending, he should enjoy the high life.

There’s no need for guilt, especially if he has earned this money through hard work. This might be a different conversation if it was an inheritance, but this is money someone has earned through determination and years of not earning enough to do everything he wanted to do. The bottom line: Enjoy it, as tomorrow is never guaranteed, and he’s still young enough to make a substantial living.

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