A researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy shares the three subtle flags the narcissist in your life is trying to drive you over the edge.

Photo bySeljan Salimova

Provoking you so that you are forced to confront them.

Survivors of narcissistic and psychopathic people often share that they were poked and prodded by their partners, family members, and friends in provocative ways that increasingly drove them over the edge, especially when they tried to distance themselves from this person. This could be through demeaning remarks that escalated over time, constant attempts to make them jealous while calling them “insecure” (in the research literature, this is known as jealousy induction – attempts to provoke jealousy on purpose for power and control, and to exact revenge), or spreading rumors about the person that forced their hand and caused them to confront the narcissist. If and when you do react to these provocations, narcissistic individuals will use your reactions against you to depict you as "crazy" and "insecure" to others.

Giving you the “gaslight” treatment.

People who have been in relationships with narcissists report that they experienced antics straight out of the movie “Gaslight,” with their partners deliberately hiding their personal items just to watch in duping delight as they searched for them, or pretending they had not said or did something right after they said or did it. In extreme cases, this included physical violence followed by a denial or minimization of what occurred.

Engaging in underhanded sabotage.

People in relationships with narcissists were often deterred by them from pursuing their personal goals, experiencing everything from these individuals starting crazymaking arguments before big exams or interviews, or diminishing comments about their intellect and skill set when they chose to go back to school or pursued a certain career path. These were attempts to undermine them due to malicious envy, which is associated with narcissistic and psychopathic traits.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or psychopath, you are not alone and you deserve support. You may wish to seek trauma-informed professional well-versed in manipulation to help you on your healing journey, and connect with others who have been through the same.