Top Five Alameda Burgers

I was informally trained to be a food critic by none other than the great Calvin Trillin who, back in the 1970s, wrote a series of books that came to be known as The Tummy Trilogy . The three masterworks were American Fried ; Alice , Let’s Eat ; and Third Helpings . Mr. Trillin is unique in that he doesn’t dote over fine cuisine served on fancy plates, but more on edible marvels you eat with your hands accompanied by handy napkins. He is, in short, an absolute food snob about non-snobby foods.

My favorite of his stories was the ongoing debate he had with a like-minded food pal over the absolute best burger. The friend advocated Bob’s Big Boy from SoCal, the alleged inventor of the double-burger, while Trillin lobbied hard for Winstead’s, located in Kansas City, MO. Such was my love for ground beef served on a bun that when my wife and I drove cross-country in 1982, we scheduled a stop in KC to see what all the hubbub was about. Late at night we found our way to a Winstead’s, where the celebrated burger was cooked for us on a greaseless grill. The place was crowded with hungry locals and the burger amazing, though, sorry Calvin, it’s not among my faves.

Speaking of which, this is the first of a series of pieces where I get to be a troublemaker and come up with my five faves for a variety of foods served here in town. The opinions will be mine, the topics locally sourced, and to be fully transparent, my goal is to emulate Calvin Trillin, who combines great detail, strong beliefs, and side orders of sass and wit in each delectable sentence. And in full homage to my mentor, the first serving will be about burgers, more specifically the five faves I regularly feast upon in either 94501 or 94502. Let me declare that I’m going to focus on traditional burgers, and not the architectural phenomenons begun a few years back where chefs piled oddball items on top of the patty. A slab of ham and a fried egg make a great breakfast, but to me they get in the way of two things essential to eating a burger: the core flavor of the meat and the desire to get all the ingredients into my mouth in one single, proper bite. And I’m going to avoid the national chains because I’m vocal for local. Lastly, to minimize the fracas I’m going to list them alphabetically so later I can visit all of these places without frowns or fury.

Alameda Grill

1520 Park Street, alamedagrill.com , 510-523-1700

Next to Alameda Bicycle, on the corner of Webb and Park, is the kind of burger place that really invented the term “burger place.” You can’t call it a restaurant because other than the wooden table and bench located just outside, there’s no place to sit. In fact, there’s barely room to stand inside and place your order. Their menu is a big sign above the grill and fryer, and while I’m pretty sure they serve burger alternatives, this is not that kind of review and I’m not that kind of guy. (Shoutout to all my vegan friends.) Being a simple man with simple tastes, I believe happiness comes from knowing what you like and getting it over and over and over. For me, it’s the double burger with no cheese. And when it arrives, wrapped in classic white paper adorably taped shut and placed in a svelte brown bag with lotsa napkins, it’s the prologue to my joy. I get mine with onions, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise because I was raised right. The meat is perfectly cooked to where I only have to use one napkin to contend with the juice that often trickles down my chin and onto my hands. I have had the fries there, they are yummy classic diner quality, and I rejoice in the cold soft drink options available to me. The service is terrific and the food is deliciously consistent and reasonably priced, so yay!

The Hobnob

1313 Park Street, hobnobalameda.com , 510-769-1011

Whenever food is served in a unique way it gets my attention. At the old Quinn’s Lighthouse, burgers came with a wide-bladed steak knife impaled in the middle. At Spinning Bones, their food comes out in small metal trays that read preschool art supplies. And at the Hobnob, when you get their Diner Burger, it arrives on a wooden cutting board with, if you’re wise, a lovely side of spinach and arugula salad. It looks really good on the table, and especially adjacent to any version of their fries (which come in large bowls that suggest sharing, but only if you have to). The burger is what I describe as fancy schmancy—thicker, juicier, with a unique flavor that, upon first bite, makes you mumble “oh my goodness this is good.” Lightly toasted buttered bun, fresh greenery atop, this one you can’t help but finish fast and then wonder, H mmmmm, can I get another for dessert? It’s the kind of burger that went to prep school, then an Ivy League college, and now drives a red convertible.

Nation’s Giant Hamburgers

1432 Webster Street, nationsrestaurants.com , 510-521-8888

As a boy born and raised in the East Bay (Richmond in the house!) I can trace my love of burgers to the one and only Nation’s Giant Hamburgers. My first taste came at the 13th Street location in my hometown, though over the years I probably ate more—along with their incredible breakfasts—at their San Pablo and El Cerrito restaurants. The fact that Alameda has a Nation’s was absolutely a factor in deciding to move here years ago. For anyone who lives here or near, or who has friends they love enough to take them there when they visit, a burger at Nation’s is an edible historical event. A thick quarter-pound patty topped by a serious slice of raw onion and red tomato of matching girth, with essentially a salad’s worth of lettuce, all kinda sorta fitting in between the buns. For this masterpiece, grab as many napkins as you can hold and be prepared to use Spray ’N Wash later to get the drippy stains out of your shirt. Nation’s burgers cannot be safely consumed while driving, so eat in. Sit in a 1950s-style booth, share your fries, then unashamedly rub your belly as you depart. Nation’s is the URBurger for lots of us raised in the 510.

Scolari’s Good Eats

1303 Park Street, scolarisgoodeats.com , 510-521-2400

On their website you can see a picture of Guy Fieri, the famous food guy from TV. Cool. That’s impressive. But I’m also a guy with gray hair and goatee and while I’ve not run any restaurants, I’ve got 10 years on GF, so when I tell you that Scolari’s Classic Cheeseburger is the best in town, and among the finest I’ve had anywhere, believe me, son. And whether you have it delivered next door at Lucky 13, eat it out front on their picnic tables, or take it home, be prepared for several perfect things. You’re gonna make a mess. You’re gonna relish every bite. And you’re gonna want to get another, but try and resist because gluttony is one of the Seven Deadly Sins and we at the Alameda Post want to keep you as an active reader. The burger of the burger is uniquely incredibly awesome and the accoutrements are like great backup singers, adding flavor in a sexy kind of way. Now, while I’ve tried to focus on the burgers in this piece on burgers, I have to be honest and talk about the french fries at Scolari’s. They come in a brown paper sack and seem to have been made by potato gods, with the perfect amount of crunch, heavenly salting, and a choice of ketchup or ranch dip. If you’re doing take-out, I recommend that you get two bags—one for you for the drive home, and one to cover up the fact that you wolfed the others and now have happy greasy fingers.

Spinning Bones

1205 Park Street, spinningbones.com , 510-263-9290

These folks took the flavorful patty idea, doubled it like Bob’s in LA, then did what the insiders do when it comes to burgers—melt American cheese on top and in between—and then step back and let certain eaters nearly weep in public on Park Street over how good it is. It comes with upgraded innards—shredded lettuce and pickled red onions—and while it can be overshadowed by its menu mates (the St. Louis pork ribs and Koji chicken are insanely good), for those in the know, you can eat this burger and not have to apologize to anyone for your seemingly pedestrian choice. My guess is that the one at this place is the one fewer know about. The location is further down Park towards South Shore, diagonally across from the laundromat, so seemingly less suave, but whether you sit indoors or outside on a warm night, the terrific servers will find you and make you happy. Especially, again, if you go Bones Burger.

So that’s it, the five best burgers in Alameda. Let me know if you’ve got beef with my list.

Gene Kahane is the founder of the Foodbank Players , a lifelong teacher, and former Poet Laureate for the City of Alameda. Reach him at gene@alamedapost.com . His writing is collected at AlamedaPost.com/Gene-Kahane .

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