"He doesn't notice me and pretends his son isn't here," Dallas wife on husband

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Photo byValerie ElashonUnsplash

Becoming parents with your relationship partner can be hard when you both get tired and need to keep going, but what if your spouse gets bored with the situation and doesn't feel like doing anything much?

How would you react if you suddenly realized you're the one doing everything and you rarely get a chance to talk to your partner at all?

If they also didn't contribute financially and just expected you to handle things on your own, would you try and still keep your relationship, or is it time to get a divorce and see what you can do for yourself and your child?

My friend Marissa, who lives in Dallas, has been married to her husband, Derek, for two years. They have one son together, and they're both working.

"In the beginning, I thought he insisted on me working and not staying home with our son because it was too stressful to cover the bills only from one salary. And I get that we're a team, and I want to help. But then, he gradually got disinterested. In the first few weeks, he helped me when I had to get up at night, and then he just ignored it and kept sleeping. And then complained me and his son were making too much noise," Marissa said to me.

She thought maybe Derek needed a few months to adjust to being a dad, particularly because she had to talk to him several times until they agreed to have a baby. Still, Derek's attitude didn't improve. Instead, he began avoiding to do other things for his wife and son.

Derek no longer gives any of his salary to cover daily costs or monthly bills. Marissa is working full-time, paying a babysitter, and cooking and cleaning whenever she gets the chance.

"I do get support from my mom and dad, but nothing from him. It's like we don't matter to him. He argued with me and shouted in front of the baby when I asked for money, and after it happened so many times, I'd rather just work longer and do everything myself. But our relationship is damaged, and I don't know how to fix it," Marissa said.

Derek's parents passed away before they got married, so she called a few of his friends to see if they could give her any ideas on how Derek felt. They all told her Derek was annoyed and felt like Marissa had pushed him to be a dad when he wasn't ready for it.

They were also doubtful Derek would change, and Marissa noticed he's getting more resentful each day. As for having a close relationship with his son, Derek refuses to be near him and will say he's busy every time Marissa asks him to spend time with them in the living room and play for a bit.

"He won't pay for anything, help with chores, or talk to me; do I stay for our son? I didn't plan to be a single mom, but isn't this what's happening to me? I don't even feel like I'm in a marriage anymore. And if I pay for everything anyway, what's the point? Will it help my son to have his parents married and upset with each other?" Marissa said.

Her parents are feeling doubtful about her marriage, too, and they don't think Derek is going in the right direction as far as his marriage is concerned. They offered to babysit more often if Marissa can't afford a babysitter all the time in Dallas, but they're almost certain Derek will walk away from his family sooner or later.

"He's not connected to his son and wife, and he's not even sharing his salary. How can they make memories, support each other, and have a long-term relationship when he's already finding things to do away from home?" Tina, Marissa's mom, said.

Derek has been going out with his friends a lot more often, and he likes to go to parties every weekend in Dallas. Marissa asked him if he was dating anyone, but he said no.

Even so, he's still showing no interest in his family and won't put any effort into his relationship. When Marissa tells him she's tired and asks him to watch the baby or cook dinner, he tells her to call her mom if she can't handle it.

"Mom would do it for sure, but that's not the point. I want to see him involved in our relationship. He just doesn't seem to care anymore. We were in love before we had our son, but now it's like he doesn't notice me and pretends his son isn't here," Marissa added.

What do you think about this situation? Should Marissa wait some more and see if Derek changes his mind about being a dad and supporting his family, or is it too late already? Should Derek make it clear if he still wants his relationship with Marissa to go on or would rather get a divorce?