"His ex still texts him and brings cakes," woman on boyfriend

Photo byAlexandra GornonUnsplash

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Putting an end to a marriage and letting your spouse go because you no longer feel anything about them will often mean your paths won't cross again, particularly if you don't have kids and have argued a lot in the last few months of your marriage.

But what happens if, after a while, your ex insists on bringing you gifts and doing all they can to show you they still care about you? Would you change your mind about leaving them even if you started another relationship, or would you get annoyed?

And where does your new partner stand while you interact with your ex and they still see you as part of their life?

My friend Damien was married to his wife Riley for three years. They didn't have kids, and their careers went in opposite directions, so they couldn't be together for long.

"I liked how focused she was on work and earning more, but she didn't really want a family and to raise kids together. And being a housewife was out of the question. I kept missing that type of family, and I had to let her go in the end. She agreed to a divorce because she understood we didn't want the same things at the time," Damien said.

Even though their divorce was friendly, that only happened in the last weeks of their relationship when Riley decided to let her husband go, even though she still wanted to be married. Up until then, she tried hard to convince him to stay, but he wouldn't unless she agreed to have three kids and gave up on her job to stay home.

"The things he wanted were just too far from who I was, and I felt like he didn't know me at all and hadn't even tried in all the years we spent together. That's why I let him go. I still loved him, though," Riley said.

After he divorced his wife and moved out of their home, Damien started thinking about being happy again.

He still wanted to have kids and have a partner for a long-term relationship. One of his friends introduced him to Stella, and they got talking and danced at a few parties.

"We had the same group of friends, so it was easy to meet her. And she was great to talk to and a good dancer. We had fun each time, and I soon realized I missed her when we weren't together," Damien said.

They soon exchanged phone numbers and began calling and texting each other daily.

"We were friends for a week or so, and then I asked her to go out. We checked out different restaurants and went dancing. She liked hiking and traveling too, so we planned a few day trips," Damien said.

Two months after they started dating, Damien asked Stella to move in together. She agreed because they spent all their time in his apartment anyway, so it made sense to just get her things and live as a couple as they moved forward with their relationship.

"It was the next step in our relationship and one I'd been looking forward to. I don't think there's any point in waiting to move together, and it's better to do it sooner and find out more about each other's habits and who cooks, cleans, and does other chores. It avoids arguments in the long run," Stella said.

Things went very well for the next ten months, and Damien and Stella got used to sharing their space and learned how to cook and keep their place tidy at all times.

They also began considering an engagement and the right time to have kids. Unlike Riley, Stella was excited to have kids and had no problem with giving up her career to be a mom.

"I'd always wanted to be a mom, and looking after our kids and home would be very fulfilling for me. I wouldn't feel like I'm being left out just because I don't go to the office. I don't need a job to give me a purpose. Being a wife and a mom would mean so much more than a promotion or higher pay," Stella said.

While she was thinking about the engagement ring, and Damien saved for it before he could propose to her, Riley decided to be a part of their lives again.

"It all started with an evening call. She asked me to come to pick her up from work because it was dark and her car wouldn't start. I went and helped her, but now I think I shouldn't have," Damien said.

Since that evening, one month has passed, and Riley has been finding reasons to text Damien every day. She also calls in the mornings and sometimes stops by to bring him homemade cakes.

Stella isn't happy with what's going on and has repeatedly told Riley to stop interfering in their relationship. She keeps trying to contact her ex-husband, though, and things are getting tense.

"His ex still texts him and brings cakes. I told her nicely to avoid doing that and not to visit us again, but she ignores me," Stella said.

She told Damien he had to convince Riley to give up on trying to get him back, but he thinks she might be lonely and need friends.

"She can't be in love with me anymore, but she's by herself most of the time. She never had that many friends, and I can't just ignore her. We were together for several years, and she was a part of my life. I am only supporting her. I still intend to stay with Stella, propose to her, and get married and have kids," Damien said.

Riley has also asked him to meet her for lunch, and he went with her to a restaurant two times. She used that time to let him know she's changed her mind about having kids and would love to raise a family.

Even so, Damien still wants to focus on Stella. Unfortunately, his girlfriend is convinced he won't refuse the cakes and always replies to the texts because he still has feelings for his ex-wife.

How do you think this situation should be handled? Is it fair for Riley to come into her ex's life one year after getting divorced and try to show him she still cares about him? Should Riley stay away and respect Damien and Stella's relationship?