"She wants me to do laundry; she's home all day. Why do I have to help?"

Photo byJoshua Rawson-HarrisonUnsplash

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Having a good relationship with your parents as you grow up will be filled with memories and fun times, but there will also be moments when you're not on the same page about certain things. How would you react if one of your parents kept telling you to do chores, but you thought they had plenty of time to do them without you?

Is it ok to avoid supporting your parents just because you feel they shouldn't need you, or is your relationship as a family based on doing part of the chores, too, even when you don't feel like it?

My friend Diane, who lives in Phoenix, Arizona, is in her second year of high school. She's an only child, and her mom, Trisha, is staying home.

"Mom never really had a job. I mean, she did go to college and study, but then she got married right away, and dad told her it was ok not to work at all," Diane said to me.

While she and her mom get along just fine most of the time, there is something they can't agree on. Trisha would like her daughter to help her with chores around the house. And she particularly tells her to do laundry for everyone once a week.

Diane thinks she shouldn't have to do more than her own clothes and even those her mom could handle, and their relationship is slowly getting out of hand.

"It's not like I have brothers or sisters. It's just me, mom, and dad. Why do I need to do laundry at all? She's home all day and could do it twice if she felt like it," Diane said.

Trisha was annoyed at hearing what her daughter thought, but she kept insisting on her request. In her opinion, even if their relationship is a bit strained right now, this will help her daughter know how to look after her own house one day.

"It's for her own good. The sooner she gets used to housework, the better it will be for when she wants to live in a rented place or start a relationship. I'm thinking about her, not me," the mom said.

Unfortunately, Trisha doesn't see things the same way, and when she has to stay home in Phoenix and not go to parties because there's laundry to be done, she and Trisha usually end up arguing. And the more they talk about it, the less Diane understands why her mom is set on it.

"She wants me to do laundry; she's home all day. Why do I have to help? Even dad was surprised when I told him why we were arguing. He did agree with mom later because he didn't want to argue with her, but it makes no sense. I shouldn't be stressed about housework this early. I have all those years later to have kids and worry about my own family. My relationship with mom should be fun, and we could go shopping or plan activities together instead of arguing about chores. I'm just disappointed. My friends' moms aren't like this at all," Diane said.

Despite her daughter's reaction, Trisha told her clearly laundry is hers to do every week. And the only way she would reconsider this is if Diane got a part-time job and paid half of the bills.

"I don't particularly need her to work. But if she can't stand to do laundry, maybe a job in Phoenix is better for her. I'm starting to doubt if she's going to be a good housewife at all. At this rate, maybe she's better to offer off figuring out a career for herself. No relationship lasts long without looking after a home, though, and that's why I insist," Trisha said.

What do you think about this situation? Is it ok for Trisha to keep pushing her teenage daughter to do laundry even if she has the time to do it herself? Is this a useful thing to learn, or is it just making their relationship worse and needs to be avoided?