"He offered to work on our marriage but won't put the divorce on hold"

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*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Making sure your relationship with your partner will last a long time after you get married is about mutual understanding, compromises, and a lot of patience.

But what do you do if your partner has already decided they want to let you go but somehow gives you a chance to work things out without stopping divorce proceedings?

Would you feel you have to agree to everything they say and behave on their terms, or would you just do all you can to make them change their mind so you can be happy again?

Alex, who loves in Phoenix, Arizona, has been married to her husband, Liam, for four years. They don't have kids yet, as they both wanted to focus on their careers and getting promoted before they were ready to start a family.

"When we got married, our jobs weren't great, and it was stressful just to cover the rent and our monthly bills. So we agreed to wait on having kids. There was no way I wanted them to grow up while we were struggling and arguing about money. That wouldn't be fair," Alex said.

After their second marriage anniversary, the couple managed to get their own house. They both worked overtime and got promoted several times, so the worries that had piled up during those years were gone.

While Alex thought it was a good moment to focus on their marriage again, her husband didn't feel the same way. Instead, he moved in with his mom and dad in Phoenix for a while and told Alex he was going to help them with costly repairs they needed done.

"They were both retired and needed his support, so I said ok. But I thought it would only be for a few weeks. He lived with them for five months, and I kept visiting them and bringing lunch or snacks. It felt like I was trying to get myself invited while they were all comfortable together and didn't give me much thought," Alex said.

After that time, Liam came back home and agreed to be more involved in their marriage and relationship. He admitted he should support his wife more, and they made time to go on dates at the end of each week.

The couple also traveled a few times a year to relax and forget about work. Even so, they didn't get closer, and they kept arguing.

"It was like our relationship was off track. And it wasn't his parents' fault or anything. Both my mother and father-in-law liked me and wouldn't have gossiped or told him anything negative while he lived in their house. It was just something I couldn't explain," Alex said.

When his wife insisted they talk about it and try to figure out what was driving them apart, Liam refused. Alex insisted, and they ended up arguing, and Liam told her he was not in love anymore.

He apologized that evening, but they became distant and only had very short talks after that.

Close to their fourth anniversary, Liam let Alex know he had reconsidered their relationship and had filed for divorce. Alex didn't expect this from her husband, so she got very upset and started crying.

"He could see I was sad, but he just said he was going to get dinner with his coworkers. He didn't seem to care at all. It was polite but barely there. He was turning into a roommate and not even that for long since he wants to move out after the divorce is final," Alex said.

She's done all she can to make Liam change his mind and show him their relationship is strong and that they should stay together. But not even discussing kids helped. It actually made matters worse since Liam told her not to try any tricks.

Two weeks ago, after several talks and a visit from his mom and dad, Liam agreed to try and see if he and Alex still had a chance to work things out. Alex thought this meant he was going to stop the divorce.

Unfortunately, he made it clear the divorce would keep going while he gave her this chance. Alex isn't sure if this really means he wants to be with her or if he's just avoiding any arguments until they're done, and he packs his things to move.

"He offered to work on our marriage but won't put the divorce on hold. I don't know if this is him actually trying or just making me think he's giving me a chance to have a peaceful separation and move out when the divorce ends. I'm sad and angry. And I feel like if we do stay together in Phoenix, it will be strictly based on what he wants, not on what we both need. Can our relationship last if he's putting all the conditions?" Alex said.

She talked about it with her parents, and they advised her to insist on Liam stopping the divorce. And if he doesn't, they feel she should assume their marriage and relationship is over and avoid any further compromises.

What do you think about this situation? Is it fair for Liam to say he's willing to work on his marriage but refuse to pause the divorce proceedings while doing that? Is he really committed to his relationship with Alex at all, or is he just trying to keep things calm until it ends permanently?