"He throws clothes everywhere; I can't keep up with the laundry"

Photo byJuan RojasonUnsplash

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Keeping your relationship positive after you get married and have to share chores and other responsibilities won't always be easy, and different challenges can come your way.

How would you react if laundry took up most of your time just because your partner either couldn't put the clothes they wear in a basket or made a mess while choosing their outfits each day?

Is it fine if they're undecided on what to wear, or would you think it's disrespectful to your efforts to have a tidy home?

My friend Deborah, who lives in Phoenix, Arizona, has been married to her husband, Paul, for two years. They don't have kids yet and only started living together after their wedding.

"I felt it was better that way. I wanted to be sure we're both committed to a long-term relationship before taking that step. Paul understood me, and we didn't argue about that. He was a bit disappointed when he asked me to move into his apartment, but then he focused on what we wanted to accomplish together, and dating was just fine until the wedding," Deborah said.

The couple dated for three years until Paul proposed to his girlfriend. She said yes, and as soon as they chose their wedding date, they had a party in Phoenix to celebrate the next step in their relationship with their families and friends.

"Mom and dad liked Paul a lot, and they spent many afternoons chatting or watching games. And his mom, Lynda, was so positive and warmed up to me after a few visits. His dad passed away while we were still dating, so we both did what we could to help her feel better," Deborah said.

While their wedding preparations were going on, their parents also helped with part of the costs so they could have the wedding they'd always wanted.

"I could tell everyone was so happy about the wedding and our relationship. And when we got to planning and choosing the venue, mom and dad and my mother-in-law contributed not just to expenses but also tasted the menu, looked at cakes, gave opinions on flowers, and just took time to see us happy and enjoying every minute while thinking about getting married," Deborah said.

As time went by, the wedding got closer, and a month before the ceremony, her fiance asked her again if they should move in together. She still felt like they would be rushing before their relationship was permanent, so she only agreed to end her lease and move her things into his apartment in Phoenix after the ceremony and the party.

"When we came back from our honeymoon, we began living in the same place too. And it wasn't easy at all. We woke up at different times, and our work schedules were very different. I also had two jobs for a while, so things got confused for a bit," Deborah said.

Cooking, cleaning, and sharing other chores were difficult to organize, but there was one thing in particular that caused constant disagreements even after their first anniversary in Phoenix. Laundry never seems to be Paul's priority, not necessarily doing it, but at least putting the clothes he wears in a basket. And when he's not sure what he wants to wear, he'll also throw his clothes around the living room or their room. Sometimes, he leaves shirts in the kitchen, too, and they get stained since his wife doesn't notice them immediately.

"He throws clothes everywhere; I can't keep up with the laundry. I asked him so many times to be more careful, but he just doesn't pay attention. And if I point it out, then he gets annoyed with me. He's willing to help with cooking, and he dusts the shelves if I'm too tired, but this laundry issue isn't getting solved. And it's affecting our relationship too," Deborah said.

Even after they celebrated their second anniversary, the couple still isn't on the same page about laundry, but Deborah's parents advised her to be patient and not let this issue interfere with her relationship.

What do you think about this situation? Is it fair for Paul to disregard his wife's efforts to have a neat home and keep throwing clothes everywhere, even if they talked about it many times? Should Paul be more careful and avoid adding strain to his relationship just because his clothes are not packed and stored properly?