Survivors' Accounts of Life After Narcissistic Abuse

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The day when a person realizes that they have been in a narcissistic relationship everything makes absolute sense from then on. They realize they aren't crazy, not good enough or stupid which are feelings narcissistic abusers usually project onto them. They feel a sense of relief comparable to escaping a prison of perpetual tense scolding and heartache.

Anxiety can be a part of a narcissistic abuse victim's daily life for a long time. Numerous victims of narcissistic abuse have anxiety. Following narcissistic abuse, you could be extremely afraid or anxious about forming new relationships. When an abusive relationship ends, people who are leaving it may experience separation anxiety, which makes them feel anxious and lost without their abusers.

Quora users have given some very real, sobering and profound answers to the question, "What is the best thing after leaving a narcissist?" Below are some of their answers.

One user listed 11 freedoms that they have gained in their response,

1. "finally having a peace of mind!!!

2. not dealing with a person who still acts like a 13 year old

3. not worrying about who they are cheating on you with

4. Not worrying about figuring out when they are lying and when they are telling the truth

5. Not having to play mind games 24/7

6. not wasting any more time with a poser/ faker

7. Finally being able to focus solely on yourself

8. not worrying about some psycho holding you back from becoming the best version of yourself

9. not fearing what your future holds with that person

10. being able to save money and not having to support a man child or gold digger

11. being able to heal yourself from inside out"

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There are very debilitating physical symptoms that narcissistic abuse victims can feel daily. You could have to deal with physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or bodily aches after being the victim of narcissistic abuse. If you have been the victim of narcissistic abuse, you can also have trouble falling asleep. You can find it tough to turn off your mind at night because you're anxious over what happened. Alternatively, you can experience nightmares that follow you for several days.

Another user gave this very detailed enlightening response,

"The best thing about leaving a narcissist is restoring your independent self. To let go of the day to day drama. No longer must you silently weigh every decision against “how will my partner react?” or “is it worth it if my partner is going to fight me?” The energy drain of loving a narcissist has significant consequences to recovery.

We trusted someone who used our bond to condition feelings of obligation, guilt, shame, and worthiness.

It is okay to feel wronged, but we are not victims - we made a mistake by letting someone treat us worse than we would treat ourselves. There’s a mental exercise where you imagine yourself as your own parent. How would you (the parent) encourage yourself? How would you forgive yourself for mistakes? Would you shout at yourself and call yourself names? You are your own parent in adulthood. You are responsible for guarding yourself from negative people. You are responsible for standing up for yourself. By virtue of being a living human, you must accept decency.

The narcissist embodies dysfunction. Look no further than the 7 deadly sins:

Pride - The false front. The high mindedness, the fake laugh, the defiant gaze, the practiced stories and lines.

Avarice - The desire for honors and high status. Read attention, adoration, respect for doing little to nothing of service to anyone but themselves. A trail of bodies in their wake.

Envy - Sadness over others’ fortune and delight over others’ fall. They hate when you are happy. They love causing tragedy in others lives through lies, gossip, cheating, manipulation.

Wrath - Anger and revenge. Try to breakup respectfully with a narcissist. Anger at the neighbors, the news, you, the family, the store clerk. A percolating kettle of bile live beneath the surface.

Lust - Pleasure seeking without rules. Besides sex and cheating, this goes further into lusting after wealth, status, material goods, and even someone else’s spirituality. Their cup is never full.

Gluttony - Fine dining, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, and anything to be feel better, fuller, entitled. External locus of control. Nothing average or mundane. Excess (at others expense) = “I am worth it”

Sloth - Laziness. Let someone else work hard or clean up or fix things or be on-time. The lack is a result of entitlement.

You are free as long as you protect yourself. Stay removed from their lives. Save yourself. The best thing about leaving a narcissist is never returning."

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Many narcissistic abuse victims experience serious cognitive issues. It could be tough for you to focus on daily activities after experiencing narcissistic abuse, such as finishing work or just watching TV. It is well recognized that traumatic event memories can cause problems with focus and concentration. You might have memory loss, particularly transient memory loss. This is due to the fact that stress causes the brain to generate a burst of stress hormones, which impacts the hippocampal region.

Another Quora user sums it up with this intellectually driven emotional answer,

"As soon as I left, I started sleeping soundly at night. No more of the ups and down dramatics, the fears, walking on eggshells with the narc. I also got confirmation that I will be graduating as planned. I am also in line for promotion at work. I have so much free time that my mental health has skyrocketed upwards. I feel more relaxed, happier, and at ease! I moved in with my parents, everything has been so peaceful, I'm making a lot of money, I'm more productive than ever before, even having time to work on a novel I've always been trying to make time for. I feel more resilient, more alive. It makes me grateful to have such fulfilling, healthy relationships with my family, my friends, and my pets. I feel like I emerged from a hidden war. It comes with its own scars, but I made it out, and I feel a sense of empowerment that I never thought was possible before. I feel as though I am becoming the person I was meant to be.

Of course, I have some bad days. Sometimes, out of the blue, usually if there's a trigger, a reminder of the trauma, it will send me spiraling downwards. And that's ok. But those days are getting fewer and further between. Healing is not necessarily a linear process. But my goodness... the first few days were the hardest. You will fight every cell in your body that wants to go back to them. It will fade away. You will have a brain fog. It will eventually go away. But you don't have to endure the hell that is associated with being in a narcissist's clutch. The beautiful days after you escape are infinitely worth it."

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Leaving a narcissist can be a very challenging endeavor, but the rewards are endless as you've seen from the above responses. These are real life people who didn’t play victim, but as soon as they realized what was happening to them and why, they made that decision to leave the narcissistic relationships they were in, and they are thriving and winning for it!

Sources:

Verywell Mind

Quora