Travii Aiko’s journey: Overcoming adversity, embracing forgiveness, and thriving in the ballroom scene

Eight years have passed since Atlanta resident Travii Aiko , 30, a native Chicagoan, dancer, and community health outreach worker raised on the city’s South Side, noticed his health was declining.

In 2017, Aiko experienced night sweats, vomiting, and dramatic weight loss, which were contributing factors to a life that had begun to spiral two years earlier for Aiko after being outed as gay in church and subsequently unhoused.

Uprooted, Outed, & Diagnosed

In the Spring of 2015, Aiko’s entire livelihood took a wild turn.

“One day, I was called up to the front of the church, and [the pastor] said over the mic, ‘Until God releases those demonic homosexual spirits from you, you can no longer serve in the church,'” Aiko, who led the church’s praise dance ministry and is nonbinary, recalls.

A meeting between Aiko and church leadership led to further interrogation where they asked them if they were gay, to which Aiko answered yes.

“At that moment, I felt more forced out,” Aiko said.

With Aiko’s mother and grandmother viewing their sexuality as a constant source of embarrassment and shame, they packed their clothes into two garbage bags.

After leaving home, Aiko found refuge in Chicago’s ballroom scene and shelter within the House of Ebony.

In October 2017, after noticing severe health declines including heavy weight loss and spots over their body, Aiko decided to get tested and what came back ultimately changed her life.

“I was diagnosed with HIV-positive, contracted type-2 syphilis, and also had gonorrhea,” they said.

In a state of shock at the time, Aiko says they previously did not know about HIV transmission or what it meant to be in care.

“Care sounded like gibberish. Viral load? CD4? I didn’t know what they were saying to me,” they said.

This was before joining a support group for gender non-conforming people at The University of Chicago and linking with renowned infectious disease specialist Dr. John Schneider, who was instrumental in Aiko’s health resurgence and their relocation from Chicago to Atlanta.

At this point, Aiko said they were feeling helpless and had little to no support. She said there was no point in being in a city and state they were born in and not have support from her biological family.

“I don’t need to be here is what I told myself. I needed to try to find myself because at that point, I’m masking everything and not living as my most authentic self,” Aiko said. “I kept telling myself, you don’t want to be another statistic. I was living for everyone else.”

Also, Aiko told Dr. Schneider they were going to take a leap of faith and move to Atlanta. The doctor gave Aiko a six-month supply of medicine and said, “You promise me you’ll get into care as soon as you arrive and if I have to send over documents, let me know”.

From Chicago to Atlanta

In 2018, two hours before arriving in Atlanta, Aiko called their mother to let her know they were relocating.

“Well, take care of yourself,” she said. “Click”.

Additionally, Aiko said this was confirmation for them to live their life. They describe their first few months in Atlanta as “shaky”, ultimately falling into sex work before landing a job with HIV prevention service organization NAESM .

“I’m grateful for those ups and downs because it made me the person I am today,” Aiko said.

Moving was something they needed, according to Aiko.

Atlanta, Aiko said, was their first choice because it was not only their escape from Chicago but had been to Atlanta already for dance competitions and one day, his friend asked if they wanted to move to Atlanta.

For Aiko, Atlanta is also a refuge for their various intersecting identities. If you identify differently on the South side of Chicago, Aiko said, it isn’t safe. Aiko wanted to live in their truth.

“I want to walk outside, and if I have a wig on, I have a wig on. If I have a face full of makeup, I have a face full of makeup. I am more than just an expression. There is a divine feminine energy in me every day,” they said.

Living in Atlanta

When Aiko first arrived in Atlanta, they were introduced into sex work because they needed quick money to pay rent. What should’ve been a random hookup turned into Aiko being offered money.

“I was telling myself I needed the money because I got to pay rent where I’m staying at. From there, I started posting ads,” they said.

Aiko says they participated in sex work for about two months and the last time was a guy who didn’t even want to have sex or do anything sexual. The person wanted someone to talk to and eventually offered Aiko a job at a local Zaxby’s.

“At first, I was like, ‘Zaxby’s?!’, but I rather work there than to keep doing sex work, even though everything wasn’t affiliated with sexual acts. Sometimes it was massages and other stuff,” they said.

After some time, Aiko realized they needed to make changes in their life and couldn’t survive off of a Zaxby’s salary. Aiko knew they wanted better for themselves and wanted to get back into working in prevention services, which is how Aiko started working for NAESM.

“I reflected on a lot of things during that time that I hadn’t before. I was in a new city questioning how I was going to make any of this work, could I move forward, how do I move on,” she said.

Aiko told herself she needed to start her healing journey because she can’t work in the prevention services field if she isn’t all the way ready to be herself.

“I can’t give advice to someone if I’m not taking my own advice or I can’t be that voice for somebody else if I’m not being one for myself,” she said.

Rebuilding & Moving Forward

Aiko said the relationship with their mother is “a lot closer” these days and it wasn’t until the hit drama series POSE came out that rekindled their relationship.

“It was the scene where Cubby was on his deathbed and you had his chosen family on one side and his biological family on the other,” she said. “My mom called me because in that particular scene, Cubby’s mom was apologizing to him basically saying she wasn’t taught how to raise a gay child”.

Aiko says the chosen family had to explain to the mother life didn’t teach you these things but all you must do is love your child regardless.

Their mother busts out crying apologizing to Aiko during their phone call.

“I was honestly grateful for the show even coming out because it was a part of my own healing journey and probably was for a lot of people where parents can understand and see some insight on what the LGBTQ+ community has to offer and who we are,” Aiko said.

From that conversation, Aiko and their mom talk a lot more and recently called to tell her how proud she is of Aiko.

“I left the house with only two garbage bags of clothes and never looked back and look at me now and how successful I am, so she saw that I made something out of myself,” she said.

Their relationship with their grandma is decent as well. Their grandmother sends prayers and calls sometimes.

Aiko quotes the famous movie, Finding Nemo, as advice they would give to their 24-year-old self.

“Just keep swimming,” they said. “It’s always a way around situations or sometimes you have to tackle the situation head on, deal with it, and press forward.”

Even before receiving the phone call from their mom, Aiko said they apologized to themselves and to their mom, but not physically before the call.

“I apologized to her because I knew I had more things I wanted to do in my life and I can’t do those things if I’m still holding on to grief, anger, and pain,” Aiko said. “I can remember how I felt in those situations and all the emotions, but I don’t want those things or that situation to stop me from growing.”

Aiko says the best advice she can give to someone is to come to terms with truly forgiving, so you can start your own healing journey.

“We can’t heal if we keep picking at a wound,” Aiko said. “If we keep picking at the scab, it’ll continue to bleed, so sometimes we have to learn how to forgive and move on, even if they aren’t sorry.”

This is where the healing journey starts, Aiko said. Before receiving the call from their mother, Aiko said she forgave her mom, not for their mom, but for themselves.

Aiko understands this may not be the case for everyone but says that’s okay because at the end of the day, “we get one life” and she said she wasn’t going to wait for that day to come because she still had a life to live.

“The journey may be ugly, but once you’re fully healed, your life is going to be beautiful. God and the universe made that call happen where we were aligned and was able to have that conversation,” she said.

Furthermore, Aiko learned her life is a testimony to the next generation coming up and even after that generation. She wants to lead, guide and be a voice for them all while being open and honest about their life and journey.

For more information on services, visit https://naesminc.org .

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