Big Country woman breaks the cycle, growing up as daughter of addiction

MERKEL, Texas ( KTAB/KRBC )- Those struggling with drug addiction often lead a life of loss. For Jennifer Jowers that struggle has been decades, and the loss has spanned every second of it. Jowers spoke with KTAB/KRBC about her battle, and less than a half an hour down I-20, her daughter Savanna Jowers sat down to tell her side of the story, sharing her experience growing up with a mother addicted to drugs.

“It has been difficult knowing that my mom is out there doing drugs, but at the end of the day, I have to do what’s best for me…I tried my longest until I was probably about 20 years old to be in her life or to let her in my life,” Savanna said.

Savanna says it’s been about 3 months since she last spoke with her mother, and it’s not uncommon to go a year or two without contact, so when she saw our conversation with her mother, it was difficult to confront just where her mother is in life.

“It’s kind of depressing to see it. It brought up a lot of childhood memories [from both] in and out of our home. . . in and out of CPS. It was basically just juggling back and forth. I didn’t realize how skinny she was anymore,” said Savanna.

When they do speak, Savanna says its a struggle to get her mother to communicate anything of value because she believes her mother suffers from a drug induced psychosis, often not acknowledging or recognizing who she is.

“[She is] somebody that is gonna still do drugs, especially in front of me, and not believe that it’s me talking to her. She believes I’m somebody else talking to her. She’s dealing with a lot of voices. . .drug induced voices in her head,” Savanna shared.

Jennifer told KTAB/KRBC that her current state is not one she ever intended to be in. At one time, she says she was in school studying forensic sciences. Her dreams fell by the wayside when she became more heavily involved in drugs.

“I never thought that I would get this far into drugs as I did, and the stuff that has happened to my kids, it’s hard because all you chase is just the high. This is the third time I’ve been on the streets, and it gets harder and harder every time,” said Jennifer.

The example set by her mother is one Savanna hopes never to experience first hand going so far as to stay away from even legal drugs to ensure she does not follow a similar path.

“I don’t even like taking pain pills. I don’t even take adult medicine because I’m too scared I’d become addicted to it,” said Savanna.

Her mother’s absence, Savanna says, has led her to develop intense depression and anxiety among other mental struggles, though she has worked to grow from her pain and live a better life than those she has seen modeled, hoping to set a better example for her 18-year-old sister. All while their relationship with their mother shows little sign of improvement.

“I got my CNA at the age of 16, I graduated high school,” Savanna said.

Savanna has kept a steady job and is constantly trying to do better. Despite her efforts, she says the public has not always been encouraging. Savanna says that she often receives social media comments or messages that seek to tear her further down.

“It’s hard to see it every day. They message me privately and say, ‘you’re gonna be just like your mom one day’, and I’m like ‘no I’m not’. I just don’t listen to them anymore. It’s too hard,” said Savanna.

Her mother is also no stranger to disparaging comments from strangers., though Jennifer says she still believes there is hope for her to recover and get clean.

“I believe that anybody needs to work through their addiction themselves. Nobody can force anybody to stop. They have to do it for themselves,” Jennifer said.

Even so, her daughter says she continues to see the cycle of addiction play out. While Savanna has decided that she can no longer be party to her mothers influence, she too holds out hope. KTAB/KRBC asking if she had a message for her mother, to which she replied.

“I would try to beg her to get clean, tell her that it hurts too much to see all the negative comments that people are saying, that I wish she would have chose a better lifestyle than she did. [I wish she was] actually in my life versus choosing men or choosing drugs of course, being there for me and my younger sister when we needed her the most because we never had our father or our mother in our life. It’s…it’s just hard,” Savanna stated.

By sharing her experience, Savanna says she hopes others that are struggling with addiction, or those with parents that are will hear her message and work to make that difficult change, also adding that she wants to be a positive voice to those in similar situations to hers, knowing that the public is not always kind.

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