Resenting Mom’s Practical Wedding

Their mother is getting married on the advice of her financial advisor. Rather than feeling joy for the wedding, they resent this practical wedding. Asking Eric weighs in.

Dear Eric:

My mom and her partner have been together for 20 years. This winter, my mom informed me that, upon the advice of their financial adviser, they’d be getting married this year.

I have zero issues or concerns about the man she’s marrying, but knowing the reason is based on a financial “nudge” for tax bracket purposes, insurance and trusts, instead of a desire to be together for the rest of their lives, I’m having a very hard time getting psyched for this practical wedding, which will be a small family ceremony, then a reception party with more than 100 people invited.

It feels disingenuous to have a celebration of this size given the reasoning for the occasion. Any advice on how to find some joy in this event?

– Where is the Love

Dear Love:

Think of it as an anniversary party.

We’ve all happily gone to weddings of young people whose unions didn’t end up lasting 20 years. Why punish your mom and her partner for proving the concept before cutting the cake?

Look, I’m a romantic from the Nora Ephron school, but the fact is marriage is a legal and financial institution that carries with it a plethora of benefits, from tax breaks to hospital visitation rights to protections around property and inheritance. You get those benefits if you have a quickie Vegas wedding to someone you met at the Caesars Palace buffet or if you wait 20 years and have a backyard ceremony. That’s the deal.

Remind yourself that their standard deductions don’t impact you, but the last two decades of their commitment has. Otherwise, you’ll miss out on this one chance you have to celebrate the fact that they did something extraordinary and 100 percent free: they found someone and loved them for a very long time.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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