A barrage of texts

How should an employee handle multiple texts from a former co-worker?

Q:  Last spring I resigned from a job which matched my career needs at the time.  I left and it was all good.  A thumbs up.  I got the cake, the little party, the lunch out.  My supervisor hugged me on my last day and my co-workers helped me bring out my pictures to my car.  I was offered a step up at a new company, so I took it.  I became friends, or friendly, with 5-6 other sales reps on my team.  We went out to lunch a lunch and for one person, I even went to their wedding.  Someone from another department at my old company keeps reaching out to me.  She is not part of the 6 or so on my former team, who are now friends.  I only saw her in the wash room, or in the hallways.  Let’s call her Beth.  She keeps trying to contact me. I am not sure how she got my cell number, but she has it.  Beth sends me invites to events, friend requests, and even has called me to ask me to meet for lunch.  Beth lives about 20 minutes away from my new office.  I think she has a hybrid schedule, so she works from home a few days per week.  It is getting weird. I don’t want to be mean, but I also don’t want her showing up at my office, or keep spamming me with messages.     

A: Relationships developed within the workplaces can present challenges. Sometimes romantic relationships start in the office. Sometimes lasting friendships begin while working on a challenging client project, and spending a lot of time together. Sometimes one employee hopes for more than a professional relationship while others subscribe to “my co-worker doesn’t have to be my best friend, but I do have to work with them in a cooperative and kind manner.” It sounds like your circumstance falls in the last category.

I think your former colleague needs to be sent a clear message in a professional but direct manner. You could text a response to one of her messages. One possible message might be:

Beth, I have received several texts from you. I know we have a pleasant relationship when we passed each other in the halls, but it is becoming awkward to receive multiple texts from you. It is honestly feeling a bit overwhelming. I wish you the best at ABC Company. Thank you for understanding, Maria

The tone of this response is both professional and kind, and you asked her to stop contacting you. If she texts continue, you might have to use stronger language or block her. If you ever feel like she is crossing the line, and continuing to contact you, you may have to take additional action. I am not sure if your current employer has a security desk you may want to contact them. If she visited your office, that might be crossing the line. Further if you ever find out she has visited your apartment building or home, you may want to call the police. In 2024, it is easy to find someone’s address online. If I discovered someone like Beth had approached my house, I would call the police. I am not sure if you have cameras outside of your apartment or house. Ultimately that is your decision, but you might need to think about.

I would retain your text messages, or even screenshots of your messages. You may need these screenshots if this behavior continues. If there is evidence of her on cameras, at your home or at your work, it would be important to save this information as well.