Dumbest Celtics merch

Causeway Street was wild Thursday night before the Celtics' complete dismantling of the Dallas Mavericks in Game 1 of the NBA Finals .

• There were street parties, dancers, marching bands and plenty of weird T-shirts and other merchandise for sale from official — and not-so-official — vendors.

Here are the best, worst and dumbest things for sale outside the arena during the finals:

Kyrie/Dončić sucks shirts

• Two Mavericks players were singled out on T-shirts before the game: Luka Dončić and former Celtic Kyrie Irving.
• The question is, who sucks more?

"Definitely Kyrie," one street vendor told me when asked which shirt was selling best.

• There were also shirts giving Irving the Roger Goodell red clown nose treatment.

Tatum plush buddy

• Take Jayson Tatum home for your kids in convenient plush form.
• It's also a great addition to any man cave that will make it clear that you are, in fact, a toddler in an adult body.

Flamin' Hot BBQ Jayson Tatums

• Ruffles claims the recipe behind these finger-staining hot chips was designed by Tatum himself.
• They are not good.

Big Celtics logo bling

• Nothing shows off team pride like an obnoxiously large logo and fake gold (or green) chain from the Flavor Flav collection.

Green balloon octopi

• The colors are right, and I know balloon animals are an arena-sidewalk tradition, but the noble octopus has no connection to the Celts that I know of.

Tatum/Brown '24 campaign shirt

• Massachusetts does love itself some politics, but pairing Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown together as a historic presidential ticket might be a bad idea. Their economic plan is unclear and they probably can't get on the ballot this late.

"Certified beer-powered f--k machine" T-shirt

• I don't know if this is a reference to something. I was too afraid to Google it on a company computer.

Optimus Prime fighting Megatron outside the TD Garden

• This is a masterpiece. No notes.

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