Women Who Were "Tradwives" And Got Divorced Are Sharing How And Why They Left Their Marriages, And It's Both Eye-Opening And Infuriating

Content warning: this article contains mention of abuse and sexual assault.

Recently, I wrote an article sharing stories from people who actually were 20th-century "tradwives" about what the lifestyle was like for them. Their stories prompted me to ask divorced members of the BuzzFeed Community who have been trad- or stay-at-home wives what it was like and how their relationship came to an end. Here are their stories.

1. "He decided to trade me in for a newer model with a trust fund. We were 10 years into what I thought was a good marriage. I was wrong."

2. "I guess I fell into the category of tradwife: a stay-at-home mom to two kids [who] homeschooled them and had a great community of friends doing the same kind of thing. I wouldn't say we [my husband and I] were 'trad' like what you see on TikTok; it wasn't a goal of mine or anything, we just did what worked for us. Until it didn't work anymore."

3. "Honestly? It just got boring. We didn't divorce because of the 'traditional' aspect; I only stayed home until our kids were a little bigger, and after that, oh, my God. It was SO. BORING. There's only so much pilates and painting and getting-coffee-with-the-girls you can do before your brain starts to atrophy; I needed work!"

4. "He simply didn't respect the role that I was in. Unfortunately, I had a rough time as a single mom before meeting my ex. When he came into our lives, he love-bombed me and convinced me that he wanted me to be a stay-at-home parent so the financial stress would be off of me, and I could just stay home and enjoy being a mom. At first, it was great; but then it felt like I was a single parent all over again and he was just paying the bills."

"He would never help with our children and was always yelling at them. He would get mad at me if I ever bought anything for myself or our children, even if it was a $5 T-shirt from Walmart. It wasn't because we couldn't afford it, but because he wanted to spend all of the money on himself."

"He kept so many secrets, like opening credit cards without my knowing. We are currently going through a divorce and I'm going to get stuck paying 50% of his $60k credit card debt even though I had no knowledge of it. I wasn't allowed to know any of the financials and was 'living' off of a $400 per month allowance for groceries, gas, and household expenses.

5. "Being a 'tradwife' as the kids call it nowadays had its good and bad. I was very happy to be the parent who stayed home with the kids, and my husband had a great job that could support us all. I know many happy couples with this setup. The problem, though, is that there's no "insurance" in the event that he decides to leave you."

6. "It was hell. I have a Bachelor of Science in nursing and ended up with a husband who decided he didn’t want me to work at all (prior to kids!) so I stayed home."

7. "Not divorced, but widowed. [Being a 'tradwife'] was a decision made from a purely financial standpoint at first. I made less money than daycare would cost and also was not yet in an established career."

8. "I am from a culture (LDS) that prioritizes getting married very young. My husband was somebody I knew from high school and from church, and he was a fun-loving guy as a teenager. We got married when I was 19 and had three kids together. By the time he was 24 or 25, he was growing more controlling — but it was all stuff I thought was cute and normal, if possessive, at first."

"We are now divorced. I realized that that man was not the nice boy I knew from high school. Getting married young can be really great, but it's not for everyone. I would even (although many people I know would disagree with me) say it's not for most people."

9. "I was a traditional wife who worked outside of the home about 25% of the 59-year marriage. I was responsible, hard-working, and did everything. He worked. He physically, emotionally, and verbally abused me. He raped me. He pissed away nearly $300k. He always lied. He cheated. I finally got sick of being used and abused."

10. "I'm not divorced, but I wanted to be. My husband passed away, and I feel very guilty for feeling this way, but it has been a blessing in my life."

"First, it was that he wanted me to stay home while he worked. At the time, I was all about it — hell yes, I'll stay home and let you buy me things and fund my life! But — buckle up — problems started when I gave birth to a baby girl."

11. "It has been very hard. I feel a lot of guilt. I wanted to stay married for our family, but he got to be too much. I didn't have very much bargaining power in the relationship, but now we are divorced and I have my own job, which is nice."

12. "I was one of the thousands of women who were in the workforce before COVID and left when it struck. At the time, I had a 3-year-old and [a] 2-year-old, and [when] life with COVID reached a point [where] I COULD return, I decided to stay. I now have a 6-year-old, a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, [and a] divorce in progress."

13. "I was a stay-at-home mom, got a remote job because I didn’t have personal money to spend, moved halfway across the country per his urging (away from my family), and then he convinced me to quit my job because I 'couldn’t take care of the house like I used to.' (Not true.) The day after my last day of work, we went to our seventh-anniversary dinner, and on the way home he decided he was done with no reason other than he didn’t want to be married anymore."

"Flash forward two years and he hasn’t paid child support in almost a year and refuses to help me take care of our children or to take me off of any credit cards or loans that he fraudulently signed my name to. All while he’s a CTO of a tech company and living with his girlfriend."

"I’m currently in the process of suing him for child support and alimony as outlined in our divorce agreement. Thank God I have my parents to help because otherwise, I’d be homeless, have to move back in with them, and would essentially have to give up my rights to the kids because of 'abandonment.'

I was able to get my job back but was laid off soon after during a company-wide layoff. I’m still looking for work over a year later, but I can’t leave or I may never get my kids back because of the laws in my state (as advised by my lawyer)."

—Anonymous

14. And finally: "God, once he wanted to go 'trad' the marriage lasted like, two seconds, LOL. I'm very pro letting people live how they want to live — but that lifestyle is NOT for me, and he married me knowing my personality."

Let me know your thoughts on all of the above. And if you have your own story involving a "traditional" marriage, please feel free to share down below.

Please note: some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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