"I Can Still Feel The Hole That Statement Left In My Heart": People Are Sharing What A Loved One Said To Them That Changed Their Relationship Forever, And It's Heartbreaking

It's inevitable that all types of relationships will change over time, for better or for worse. But, sometimes, something is said that alters them forever. So when redditor u/YoungJack23 asked the r/AskReddit community to share what was said that changed a close relationship with no turning back, people opened up about their heartbreaking stories. Here's what they had to say.

Note: This post contains mentions of suicide and sexual assault.

1. "For three years, someone and I worked together side by side and developed a close friendship. One day, I got promoted to manager and became his boss. He threw a tantrum and screamed for hours, then refused to talk to me (his boss) for three days. When I finally scheduled a one-on-one meeting, he told me, 'My sole job now is to make it clear they made the wrong decision. It's in my best interest to make sure that you fail.' I tried for about a month to make it work, but eventually, he had to be let go. That was the end of that friendship."

2. "I had a doctor tell me, three inches from my face, 'There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.' He seemed livid that I was wasting his time. He never ran a single test and then recommended a psychiatrist. Once I finally found a new doctor, he found that I had late-stage cancer. It could have been caught much earlier if the first doctor listened. Also, I had a friend tell me that she had already grieved my impending death, so that's why I haven't seen or heard from her for most of my cancer battle. I was already dead to her. I have no trust in anyone at this point."

— u/cancer4fighter

3. "About a year into our marriage and after I had moved across the world for them and left everything I'd ever known: 'The more I get to know you, the less I like you.' I am ashamed to say it took three more years before we were done."

4. "My mother told me that she believed that I hated her while I was at her house, giving her money because she needed help to get through the week. I can still feel the hole that statement left in my heart."

— u/P0ncle

5. "I was a dinosaur kid when I was little — consumed books and information. I wanted to be a paleontologist. This was all maybe when I was 6 to 10 years old. My obsession cooled a little bit, but I still really think they're awesome. My aunt and her family are very Christian. My whole family is, but she was a lot more hard-lined. She homeschooled her kids, didn't own a working television, and restricted a lot of food as well. Just a controlling person, really, but we didn't see them often, and she was just quirky to me."

6. "I was in the car with my dad, I was about 40, and he said, 'Out of all my children, you are the most intelligent, but also the greatest disappointment.' Just out of the blue, like he was talking about the weather."

— u/CartographerKey7322

7. "I let it slip at a doctor's office that I was feeling hopeless and down for weeks prior, but I lied and said that it was because of the news when, in actuality, I wanted to attend God's meet-and-greet. I lied because I saw that my mom was glaring at me and shaking her head as if to say, 'No, you haven't.' She got all mad and stormed out and yelled at me in the car, 'Do you know how this makes me look as a mother?!?' I was 13. That's when I realized my mother never cared about her kid. Only appearances. And so I 'appeared' to love and care about her for the coming years."

8. "My dad had recently died by suicide a week before Christmas. There were no signs he was going to do this. It was totally a blindside. I decided to still do spring break in March with my three best friends at my mom's beach house to relax and get away. My best friend started breakfast one morning by asking if I saw any signs my dad was gonna kill himself. I said no, and my boyfriend (now husband), who came along, agreed that he was always happy, and it was out of the blue."

"She said to me verbatim, 'There were definitely signs; you just missed them. If you had paid attention, your dad would still be here. It's technically your fault.'

After we all got home, I immediately cut her off; she wasn't invited to my wedding, let alone as a bridesmaid, that upcoming October, and I blocked her on everything. Three years and a lot of anxiety drugs later, and that comment still fucks me up."

— u/madi2435

9. "My grandmother's dog died, and I went to her house to comfort her. We'd always been very close, so I stayed for a while even though we had been fighting quite a lot. Well, I went over there, and she cried while I comforted her. But then that's when she said something that still sticks in my head. She told me, 'Why couldn't something happen to you instead?' and walked away. I immediately went back home and stopped all contact with her for a few weeks. She still denies saying that."

10. "My father said, 'Yes, I know, and I don't support you,' when I told him that I filed a police report on the man who molested me as a child. I will never forget those words. He didn't even look like the same man to me the next time I saw him."

— u/billymackactually

11. "'My therapist said I've only been friends with you for so long because it's convenient. I don't have to try to make other friends or get out of my comfort zone. But other than that, we aren't really friends anymore. I think she might be right.' My best friend of 20 years said that to me. He was like an older brother to me. We were so close that we would have wild ESP moments of texting each other the same thing at the exact same time. We just knew each other THAT well. He was my platonic soulmate. It's been four years since he told me that. Four years since we last spoke. I just can't seem to heal this one."

12. "I was barely holding it together as I was talking to my dad about how I'd have to make some calls to the bank because there were thousands of dollars missing from my account. And he just casually says, 'Yeah, that was me.' He'd decided, without asking, to use my money to pay for household expenses, like changing the tires on the car. Thousands of dollars gone. Just thinking about now it puts me in the mindset of a desperate man with nothing left to lose. The reason I didn't pursue legal action was that I'd be spending thousands more just to send him to prison. Instead, I moved out ASAP and haven't seen or spoken to him since."

— u/2Scarhand

13. "When I told my ex-husband that I had been struggling with thoughts of killing myself, he replied, 'All I heard you just say is that you'd rather be dead than be with me.' Way to make it all about yourself, buddy. Thanks. He said this while we were arguing about him banging somebody at work, so while I wish it was said from a place of shock or fear, it was not. I was trying to open up about why I'd been so withdrawn lately because he kept saying that was why he was doing it. I had been afraid to tell him because I thought he would judge me."

14. "I live in New Zealand. We have a complicated history when it comes to speaking Te Reo Māori (native language) in this country. For a long time, Māori weren't allowed to speak their own language and would literally be beaten at school, etc., for it. Now, there's a huge push to bring it back. There's a lot of tension around it, especially between old white people and pretty much everyone else. People are so blatantly racist and don't realize it. They'll refuse to pronounce Māori names and words correctly, even when told over and over again. This especially applies to place names, even the word Māori itself."

"I digress. A close family friend died when she was only 19. Her mother is Māori. At the funeral, her maternal grandfather spoke in Māori. My grandmother, who was standing next to me, leaned closer and whispered in my ear, in an aggressive tone, 'Speak English!'

She was literally angry that a man was speaking his own language at his own granddaughter's funeral. In that moment, I lost all respect for my grandmother."

— u/AriasK

15. "I once asked my super-rich aunt for help paying my rent, and she called my sister to ask her what was going on since they were much closer than we were. My sister and I had been extremely close all of our lives. She told my aunt not to help since I was a person addicted to drugs, and that's where all the money was going to go. I've never done drugs other than some pot. I got evicted and ended up having to quit my job and move across the country. We now haven't spoken in almost five years."

16. "I had a buddy who I had known since first grade. He was always arrogant and abrasive. But I tolerated it over the years. He went away to some college in Europe and came back desperate to act rich and be high society. And he used to say the most horrific shit, talk about how he purposefully wanted to hire people to work for him who were in debt. His reasoning is it would afford him the ability to treat them poorly, and they couldn't afford to quit. He legitimately hated 'poor' people and talked about exploiting them all day."

"One day, we were at a grocery store that had a sandwich bar. He asked the lady who was making the sandwich for a certain topping, and she said it cost extra. He kept pushing her to give it for free, and she relented, saying she'd get fired for doing so. He said, 'Nah, you'd probably get written up but not fired.'

When we got into the car, I let him have it. I said, 'How would you feel if that woman lost her job because of you?'

He started laughing, 'I don't give a fuck, it's a shitty job. She can go get another shitty job.' So I graduated college and got my first job — pretty entry-level, terrible hours, little pay. He kept pressing me to tell him how much I made, and I kept turning him down. Finally, I did.

One day, we met up before my night shift job to get a coffee. He could see how tired I was. Then he went on a tangent about how people who get out of bed for less than six figures are dumb, and he'd never be that dumb.

I didn't snap. I just said I'll talk to you later, and got into my car and left. I never returned his calls or spent any time with him ever again.

Some other friends gave me flak for it, but he fucked them over, too, at a later date."

— u/lazarus870

17. "My father told all of us kids from his first marriage, 'I'm getting my vasectomy reversed so that I can have kids that aren't messed up by their mother.' I demanded an apology on the spot, but he said, 'The Bible says a parent never has to apologize to their children." To which I replied, 'I don't believe in your superstition, so we can just not speak until you apologize to me.' It's been almost 30 years now."

18. "My ex spent about eight years always going on about being child-free and not wanting to ruin her life with kids. I was always on the same page because I knew I didn't want kids. One random day, she says, 'You know, I'm thinking I'd like to have kids. I don't wanna go through the hassle of raising them, so maybe we'll hire a nanny like my parents did, but I totally have baby fever, and I'm not refilling my birth control anymore.' That was the beginning of the end of our relationship."

— u/Maldito_Desgraciado

Has someone ever said something to you that changed your relationship forever? Tell us about it in the comments or fill out this form if you prefer to remain anonymous.

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org . The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here .

The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.