Millions Of People Have Viewed This Relationship Coach's Dating Advice And Honestly, His Answers To These 8 Viral Questions Had Me Clutching My Pearls
By Ashley Holt,
2 days ago
If you're on the internet, you know dating in 2024 can be a cold, cold world. So I had to find the right person to give us some advice, and thaw out our hope a bit.
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Anwar White, known as @datingcoachanwar on TikTok, is a dating and relationship coach in his 40s, living in Montreal, Canada. He calls himself social media's "fairy godbrother." His TikToks regularly get millions of views.
So I asked Anwar eight dating questions that are always going viral to get his advice:
1. What are the top five biggest red flags in dating?
"I don’t really believe in red flags, because focusing on them means you're looking outside of yourself rather than paying attention to how things make you feel," he said. "Instead, I talk about inner child wounds. The key is to ensure that the person you're dating doesn’t trigger or further wound those areas, but rather fulfills these specific needs."
"Examples of inner child wounds include a need for nurturing, attention, being cherished, protection, boundary-respecting, encouragement, consistency, or unconditional love. If these needs weren’t met in your childhood, you’re likely to be sensitive to them. So rather than watching for red flags, focus on how someone makes you feel in these specific areas."
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2. You've said on TikTok that a lot of people submit to common dating myths, but that should change. What are those myths, and why shouldn't people submit to them?
"Butterflies aren’t always a good thing. Many women have been conditioned to associate them with love, but they’re often a sign of anxiety or fear, not true love. Real love feels peaceful, calm, and grounded," he said.
"Going with the flow is dangerous because it puts you in a passive role. It’s like letting someone else drive your life while you’re stuck in the trunk. I want you in the passenger seat helping to navigate, [and] setting the pace and direction of the relationship."
"Dating only one person before exclusivity is a mistake, because it limits your power... Having multiple options lets you choose the best one and negotiate. I call this 'Olympic dating.' You should be dating multiple people — a gold, silver, and bronze medalist. This diversifies your emotional investments, protects your heart, and ensures you're not putting all your eggs in one basket. If something doesn’t work out, you won’t be as devastated."
3. What should people do when it appears that the person they're dating has unclear intentions?
"Intentions may be murky in the beginning, but they usually become clearer once someone meets the right person," he said. "That being said, unclear intentions could also mean the person isn’t ready for a relationship or isn’t that into you. It really depends on the situation."
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4. What should people do when the person they're dating hasn’t brought up their future together?
"I don’t care if someone hasn’t brought up the future because you should have clarity about your own boundaries and timeline," he said. "I tell my clients that within three months they should be in an exclusive, committed relationship if that’s what they want."
"Instead of waiting for the other person to decide, express your timeline clearly. If they aren’t on the same page, it’s probably time to let them go."
5. What warning signs should people look for to ensure someone isn’t only interested in looks?
"You need to evaluate people based on P.I.E. [That stands for] physical, intellectual, and emotional," he said. "To ensure it’s not just about looks you have to lean into the intellectual and emotional aspects of the relationship."
"Intellectually, bring up topics you’ve been discussing with your friends or family and see how they engage. Do they interrupt? Can they contribute? Can they challenge your thinking and align with your values?"
"Emotionally, it’s about vulnerability. Share how things make you feel, not just facts and opinions. Pay attention to their response. Do they show empathy? Are they emotionally available, or do they quickly change the subject? If they can’t hold space for your emotions, that’s a warning sign."
6. What should people do when there is conflict in the beginning stages of dating a person?
"It’s normal to have differences when you’re getting to know someone. However, frequent conflicts like arguing every week are not healthy, especially early on," he said. "The beginning of a relationship should be the honeymoon phase. If there’s constant conflict, you’re likely not compatible."
7. What traits should a person look out for in someone that shows they’re incapable of supporting them through tough times?
"To see if someone will be supportive, share both the highs and lows of your life early on. For example, brag a little about your accomplishments and see if they cheer you on," he said. "Your partner should be your biggest fan."
"Then, share something that’s been challenging for you and observe if they listen, provide comfort, and help you strategize. A supportive partner will be there through thick and thin celebrating your successes and offering practical solutions during tough times."
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8. And finally, what should people do when the person they’re dating expects them to be the sole provider in the relationship?
"It’s not the 1950s anymore, and financial dynamics have changed," he said. "Women are often financially independent, and in some cases earning more than their partners. It’s about how both partners can contribute, not necessarily one person carrying the entire financial burden."
"That said, in some cultures, like Middle Eastern cultures, it’s common for men to be the sole providers. So if that aligns with your values, go for it. But in today’s economy, it’s practical for both people to bring something to the table financially."
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