Tim Ferriss Excels in the Art of Active Listening

Source: Tim’s Blog

Listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast for an hour or two is like taking an accelerated masterclass on life. As a student of his podcast for only the last few years, I’ve listened to him drill his guests on sleep, nutrition, health, HIIT training, how psychedelics heal trauma, essentialism, mindfulness, blockchain, grief, sexual abuse, forgiveness, and all kinds of emotional healing.

His podcast has attracted more female listeners recently because of how open he is about his past and recent gets like Elizabeth Lesser, Brené Brown, and Joyce Carol Oats.

His big yet-to-get get — Oprah! Queen of talk!

I would love to listen in on a convo between those two.

Here are eleven things I love about Tim Ferriss from listening to countless hours of him question some of the most innovative people in the world.

1. My obsession with a solid night’s sleep is a valuable goal.

The only thing standing in the way of me and my best day is a solid straight 8 to 9 hours of quality sleep. I will go to great lengths to get a good night’s sleep.

And so will Tim.

He was an insomniac for years and has tried everything from eliminating caffeine and alcohol to meditation. I feel his pain. I often wake in the middle of the night from anxiety and pain from clenching my teeth.

Lack of sleep can lead to mental health issues, poor physical health, and a whole host of other problems.

When I have 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep, nothing is impossible the next day. Quality sleep leads to a healthy, productive day. My family gets the best of me, my writing is better. I’m sharper, more focused on any task. Good sleep equals me whistling throughout the day in my rose-colored glasses.

Tim talks to experts about how to get quality sleep a lot and recommends tricks, habits, routines, and products to get the rest we all need.

2. How to listen with an open heart and mind.

Tim comes to each interview with a non-judgmental mind. Not many influencers approach life and work with nonjudgement.

People make judgments all day long on social media about all kinds of stuff they know nothing about. It’s refreshing when a big name puts his ego aside to allow the guest to shine.

His show isn’t about him.

It’s about extracting the most valuable information from his guest for his listeners. He succeeds often. He is so tuned in to what the guest is saying that his follow-up questions come from a place of presence and non-reaction. He takes a beat before he starts his question.

You can hear him thinking, how can I get the most from this next question? How can I frame it, so this person understands what I’m really asking?

His method is refreshing in a world of shallow influencers who don’t take the time to do their research and homework.

Speaking of homework…

3. Homework is cool.

As someone who rushed home from high school to get her homework done, I appreciate that Tim does a sh*t ton of research before each show.

Not wanting to waste anyone’s time.

Thank you!

You can tell how prepared he is when some random tidbit about his guest comes up and Tim knows about it or asks about it first, taking the guest by surprise. They usually quip, “wow, you did your research.”

Tim goes deep on research getting to the more interesting, unknown stuff about his guests.

The unusual is where the most unexpected treasures lie.

4. Not all influencers are arrogant.

Many who got their start and made millions by the ripe age of 24 in Silicon Valley have a bit of an arrogant stance.

I would say Tim is humble, kind and sweet.

In nearly every episode, he makes some self-deprecating remark. He is highly self-aware, which is the most attractive quality in a person. He puts his guest and his audience before his ego.

During Tim’s interview with Balaji Srinivasan (show #506, a whopping 3 hours and 43 minutes of mind-blowing material), Tim jokes several times about all the random stuff Balaji references Tim knows “nothing” about.

There are about ten times during this one episode when Tim says while chuckling, “No. I have no idea what that is.” He doesn’t pretend or try to cover up his lack of knowledge about something.

I’ve heard him say he doesn’t fully understand crypto and blockchain in several podcasts and has difficulty explaining it.

That doesn’t make him dumb; brilliant people have a hard time wrapping their brains around blockchain. It’s a new language. I had a hard time grasping aspects of crypto when I first started reading about it.

A sentence you often hear from Tim is, “Please, explain. I’d love to know.”

This leads me to, #5.

5. It’s sexy to be curious about life and other people.

You can’t fake curiosity. He genuinely likes to learn. I have a love of learning as well. When something interests me, I won’t let it go until I understand it and can explain it in language a child would understand.

Curiosity keeps us alive and excited about life — Tim’s love of knowledge sparks mine — his enthusiasm contagious.

The breadth of knowledge from his guests makes me want to learn more. I’ve read over 50 books that Tim has recommended. So have many others.

Maybe that is why people refer to him as “the Oprah of podcasting.”

Speaking of books…

6. Tim has the same philosophy on books that I do.

Ferriss doesn’t read a book unless it has been around for at least five to ten years. And has stood the test of… (a bit) of time.

Life is too short to waste your time on a mediocre book.

There are so many average, not very good, books on Amazon and on the shelves of bookstores. Skip them. There are brilliant books to read. Find and read them.

Spend time reading what really interests you or a book that has been around for so long that it has to be good. If it weren’t, it wouldn’t still be recommended.

Average books don’t stand the test of time.

7. You can honor yourself and serve your audience at the same time.

Tim is a man *and* he shares openly about depression and childhood sexual abuse in his podcast titled, My Healing Journey After Childhood Abuse (Includes Extensive Resource List).

This is rare.

We will never know the number of men (and women) Tim has helped by coming forward with his story of sexual abuse as a child at the hands of a babysitter’s son.

Nor will we ever know the accurate number of men who suffer from unresolved trauma from sexual abuse. Their shame keeps them hurting alone. In the dark.

Our culture doesn’t allow much room for men to share their stories without being shamed and blamed for their trauma around sexual abuse. By sharing his story with the world in a podcast, Tim made it less so by sharing his story with the world in a podcast — a valuable contribution by anyone’s standards.

8. It isn’t all about the money.

Tim returned a book advance to a publishing company and had the courage to change his mind about a book he pitched to write for the publishing house.

Instead, he released a podcast, a one-on-one talk with a friend and therapist detailing his trauma of abuse and the aftermath on his life.

He wanted to get his story out to help the largest number of people, believing a one-off podcast was the best and quickest route. Releasing it during the pandemic allowed more people to take a listen.

What happened to us in the past isn’t who we are. It doesn’t define us as humans. It is just what happened to us. The shame that comes from hiding what happened to you, covering it up, causes depression, anxiety, and sometimes, suicidal thoughts.

9. Talking about trauma can help heal it.

College is a pivotal time in a young person’s life that doesn’t get the attention it should to help young adults transition from living at home with family to suddenly being out in the world, on a strange campus with people you’ve just met.

There is a mental health crisis in America. Men suffer from depression, fear and anxiety as women do but are not made to feel it’s OK to open up about their feelings of stress, overwhelm, and anxiety.

Men are often told to “Man up.” This is ignorant and potentially destructive advice.

When Tim Ferriss, with a large audience, opens up about suicidal ideation, it helps others. When men get the help they need, this trickles down to the women in their lives: mothers, daughters, and partners.

We are better as a society when men can get help with feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness, and grief. Getting at the heart of mass shootings and domestic violence helps society as a whole.

The heart of the matter is mental health.

10. Therapy can help with trauma.

The therapy and resources he credits with helping him heal his past trauma are therapies that have been around for ages and books I have on my shelves. Books I have read several times.

The resources he recommends are some of the best books for healing childhood trauma and past hurts. They aren’t expensive, but you do have to read them and immerse yourself in the exercises.

Of course, if you can afford therapy, that is the first place to start.

11. Even when you’re successful and have a large audience you still need support from people in your inner circle.

Tim credits his girlfriend. A lot.

He credits her for sticking by him during a challenging time dealing with his past. The help and comfort she gave during quarantine and his difficult decision to go public about his childhood sexual abuse were essential to his moving past the trauma.

When we keep secrets out of fear and shame, we retraumatize ourselves by keeping the secret.

Final thoughts on Tim Ferriss

Knowledge is power. When we know better, we do better. Tim helps us do better.

Each week the knowledge that comes through my headphones when I download one of his podcasts makes me a better, more informed, less ignorant person.

I keep learning and feeling the aliveness that comes from his podcasts, stoking my curiosity.

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