FAITH: Train your children with balance of truth and love

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 22:6

As a child, I was blessed to have parents who did this well. My parents were not perfect. Yet, they showed me clearly the path I should go. No, they didn’t tell me what I should be when I grow up, they simply showed me how I should be. I am writing these words not just to parents but to anyone who has a connection with children.

My wife and I have nine children. Five are biological and four are adopted through foster care. Seven of the nine are adults today, each pursuing their dreams. We were not perfect parents either, but God has been gracious in helping us to train each one.

Many a parent or a teacher has read Proverbs 22:6 and asked, “What do I need to do to train this child?” I don’t have all the answers. My wife and I discovered quickly during our 35 years of marriage that no two kids are alike. Each has their own personality, strengths, weaknesses and unique purpose from God for their lives. So, let me say up front, the training is going to look different from child to child. But we can look at the Word of God and see answers to this question of “training” children in the way they should go. And we can listen to His Holy Spirit who gives us discernment in the moment for each situation.

So, what is this word “train,” and how do we do it?

Ephesians 4 tells us that truth and love are keys to creating unity and building people up. One without the other creates a great imbalance. But when we hold to both equally, there is life-giving discipleship and true growth that can happen. I will be honest and say that I don’t always stay in the balance of truth and love. I tend to be heavy on one and weak on the other. So, I have to listen to people like my wife to find the balance.

Truth and love open the door for experience. We can talk about right and wrong all day, but many times a child learns by failing or falling and learning how to get back up. The learning path is filled with mistakes and/or failures. If we are there to help our kids process and determine the lesson to learn as they get back up, they can actually fall forward.

I remember as a kid having a paper route for four years. I remember many days through snow or rain having to deliver the Bend Bulletin to more than 50 homes six days a week. I made my share of mistakes, but Dad was always there to talk me through the learning and rebounding part. He didn’t shield me from error, he allowed me space to do the paper delivery the way I thought was right and then learn through trial and error. He didn’t micromanage my life but was always there to lovingly guide me to the truth.

Are you giving your children safe boundaries and yet allowing them to experience the challenge of trial and error? Are you there to help them process through times of failure and allow them to learn from those mistakes and grow stronger through experience?

My parents took me to church and Sunday School every week. They would send me to Vacation Bible School or Bible camp every summer. We would spend time reading the Bible and praying as a family several evenings a week. So, the truth was spoken to me. But where I learned the most about truth and faith in God was watching my parents live it out.

We were a family that had financial struggles, but Dad and Mom always put their faith in God and gave consistently to the church tithes and offerings, and God always provided what we needed. My Mom was and still is today a very strong woman of prayer. I would come home from school many days and see her with Bible open and praying for missionaries, friends and family. I learned how to be with God by watching her and then seeing my dad every early morning on the couch with Bible open, putting on his armor (Ephesians 6), praying over us kids and praying for our community. Their faith was passed on to me by teaching but even more by my observing these active faith moments in them every day.

Are you allowing your faith and your failures to be seen by your kids? Do they have the blessing of seeing you navigate life’s challenges and learn as you listen to God’s truth and love?

The closing of this Proverbs 22:6 says, “… when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I wish I could say that every child raised to follow Jesus stays the course all the way through their life. That is not always true, and it is not what this scripture is stating. What this really means is that even if he or she falls away, they will return. Even if our kids don’t hold on to the faith in early adulthood that we impart to them in their youth, we can have the assurance that those seeds of truth planted are still in the heart and they will help to lead an older person back to the place of faith.

And this is where prayer is critical. James 5:16 tells us that the fervent and effective prayer of the righteous avails much. Your prayers are most important. I am who I am today in large part due to my parents’ prayers. Pray for these you have opportunity to train, and they will find the path that leads to life eternal in Christ.