Man Expects More From His Wife as a Stay-at-Home Mom and Refuses To Take Sick Days To Help Her

A user on a popular online forum explains that he and his wife have been married for eight years and have two kids (2 and 4 years old). For a while now, he has been the sole provider for their family, and money is a stressful topic, but they manage.

Young woman holding her hands on her face and looking overly tiredPhoto byImage Credit: File404 via Shutterstock.

Sleep Deprived

The original poster (OP) explains that his wife has been struggling with anxiety and depression, even before their kids were born. She does take medication to help with it, but some days are still hard, and it affects their family. Before they had kids, his wife used to love sleeping for 10-12 hours a day.

Parenthood is tough and can take a toll on your sleep. His wife wasn't getting the same amount of sleep that she used to, and the OP explained that he would be out working, so he could only help to a certain extent. However, he would let her sleep in on the weekends or have a nap when he got home.

Co-Existing

The OP describes that their relationship started to suffer. They began sleeping separately and had become physically distant. Even their conversations lost depth and meaning. She had also started to lose touch with friends and had become somewhat of a homebody.

The OP mentioned that he stopped taking sick days to stay home and help her. He would come home from work to a messy house, no cooked meals, and didn't receive any appreciation for the hard work he had been contributing.

The kids are sleeping through the night and are still napping during the day, which leaves ample time for her to catch up on sleep as well. She has stopped taking the kids out to the park. His day now consists of him arriving home from work, taking the kids out, cleaning the house, and feeding them.

The OP loves his wife but feels as though he is overworked and overwhelmed himself, and he's doing it all on his own. This makes him wonder if he is in the wrong for wanting more from her. This is when he turned to writing on the online forum to get others' perspectives on the situation.

Online Support

Users on the online forum started questioning the OP's health history and began suggesting various possibilities that could lead to a need for more sleep. One person explained, "It sounds like she needs a sleep study to rule out something like narcolepsy or idiopathic hypersomnia."

Someone else added, "Yes, someone in my family was known for being somewhat lazy and always sleeping, like sleeping 14 hours a day and still acting tired and unable to wake up early. It turns out they had narcolepsy, which meant they were never getting adequate REM sleep."

Many people voiced their support for the OP and concern for his wife. Someone suggested, "I think your wife needs professional help. Sleeping 14 hours a day is not sustainable with two young children."

Another person chimed in, "Your wife needs mental health support, and she should also see her PCP to see if there are any physical issues that are making things worse."

The Verdict

Overwhelmingly, everyone was in support of the OP's situation. They all felt it wasn't fair for him to pick up all the slack while his wife slept all the time. They all believed that his wife needed to continue to figure out the cause of her issues so that she could be present with her family and fulfill her responsibilities.

This article first appeared on Cents + Purpose.

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