Unresolved Chicago Bears Storylines From 2023 That Fans Still Want Answers For

If there's anything I've learned from working in an office environment for close to 15 years, it's that when you've posited a question you don't know the answer to (or don't want to answer), you ignore it and hope that eventually everyone will forget.

Well, I'm onto you, Chicago Bears, and if you think that my curiosity regarding the loose threads from the 2023 season has been diminished, then you're sorely mistaken. As a journalist with unquestioned integrity, it's my job to publish these dangling chads of sorts and hope that someone at Halas Hall can close the book on these inquiries.

What Happened to the Stolen Yard Equipment

Before the Kansas City Chiefs bludgeoned the Bears and thus cemented the absolute low point of their 2023 season, they were the victims of a caper that saw nearly $100,000 worth of landscaping equipment snatched from them under the cover of darkness.

In what could be described as one of the bigger heists of the 21st century, the cunning thieves tore down a security fence and then drove the equipment out of the garage into the proverbial sunset, never to be heard from again. Something tells me they didn't need to make the 1:1 scale replica of the garage ala Brad Pitt and George Clooney's Bellagio set in Ocean's 11 to pull off the heist.

It was an odd conclusion to a week in which ex-Bears quarterback Justin Fields openly criticized ex-Bears Offensive Coordinator Luke Getsy. To this day, the mystery of the vanishing equipment will never be solved. In a world where a serial killer can be traced to a decades-old crime via DNA, you'd think the Chicago PD could find the delinquent riding a riding mower with a Chicago Bears logo plastered all over it.

Did Alan Williams Slip Into Another Dimension

Remember when the best defense the Bears were playing in 2023 was the rumored return of now FBI agent Charles Tillman and his storming of Halas Hall?

Not for nothing, the Bears' outset of the 2023 season was weird , and Alan Williams's abrupt dismissal and subsequent disappearance became a hallmark of a tumultuous start for the Bears and their fans.

Williams, the former Bears defensive Coordinator, was relieved of his duties early in 2023 and then fell off the face of the Earth. Fans never found out why or what he did, and the Bears remain steadfast in being tight-lipped about a person who has now rivaled Bigfoot in his ability to disappear from the public eye and has many questioning his very existence.

Will Virginia McCaskey Ever See a 4,000-Yard Passer?

The Bears have been around for over a century and infamously never had a 4,000-yard passer. Fans hope that will change with the arrival of heralded #1 overall pick and former USC quarterback Caleb Williams.

Virginia McCaskey, the team's matriarch, has never seen a 4,000-yard passer, and she's older than cheeseburgers (literally). She was five years old when Steamboat Willy came out and is 15 years older than the beach ball.

Virginia McCaskey was born in 1923. Sliced bread was invented in 1928. When the Bears donned their 1938 throwback jerseys, Virginia was in high school.

She has seen a lot of football in her life, and of the countless hours, days, months, and years of the sport, she's never seen her team have a quarterback who could rack up what many consider a relatively mediocre achievement in today's offense-centric game.

Have the Bears Considered Buying Property on the Moon for their Stadium?

Kevin Warren arrived as Team President early on in 2023, and with him ushered the prospect of the Bears finally building a state-of-the-art stadium to rival the stadiums of teams like the Los Angeles Rams and Warren's former team, the Minnesota Vikings.

Things haven't gone so smoothly for Warren, as the Bears continue to fight with the powers that be in Arlington despite purchasing Arlington Park for close to $200 million. As they argue about taxes, threaten to stay in Chicago or leave Chicago (depending on the day), and flirt with the likes of Naperville; it begs the question as to whether or not they've thought outside the box but outside of the planet .

As far as I can tell, the moon is begging to be gobbled up and turned into an intergalactic sports arena. As Roger Goodell continues to widen the breadth of the NFL by scheduling more games overseas, imagine the proverbial lick-lipping the commissioner would be doing at the prospect of scheduling games with a cosmic flair.

Many fans believe that the current iteration of Soldier Field resembles a UFO, and it seems like a no-brainer that claiming the team's lunar birthright would be the next logical step.

In fact, if the Bears can't get a 4,000-yard passer in an atmosphere with 1/6 of the gravity of Earth, then perhaps it's destined that the team will never have a master of the forward pass.

Subscribe to On Tap Sports Net on YouTube and the Bears On Tap podcast for more Chicago Bears content, updates, and hot takes!