Memorial Day is a day filled with mixed emotions

FORT JOHNSON, La. — The idea of Memorial Day — or “Decoration Day,” as it was initially called — began after the Civil War to honor Americans from both the North and South who lost their lives in this terrible struggle.

Various dates in the months of April and May were used and multiple cities claimed to be the birthplace of Memorial Day, but it is generally accepted that the first major observance occurred at Arlington National Cemetery May 30, 1868.

For a while, this day remained an exclusive reminder of those who lost their lives in the Civil War, but after World War I, the day was expanded to honor those who died in all American wars. In 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday by an act of Congress and cemented its place on the calendar on the last Monday in May, the date we still use today.

For those who have served, Memorial Day is undoubtedly filled with mixed emotions, but for modern day Americans its true meaning seems to have gotten lost. I think it’s because the average citizen has become insulated from military service and the gravity this day holds.

The reality is, the day isn’t about barbecues, sales or even veterans or active-duty Soldiers — it is about the men and women buried across this nation in countless veteran and local cemeteries. They are not faceless; they are our friends, fathers, sons and daughters.

Memorial Day honors those who have perished in the service of our nation. It’s a solemn day of remembrance — of those that many of us were privileged to know and are no longer here with us. I also like to think of it as a celebration of their life. Having known some of these men, I think they would want the living not to mourn, but to live life to the fullest and to make the world a better place.

Those that we honor are not here because they died doing what their country asked of them. They were ordinary men and women who did extraordinary things. They dedicated their lives not only to conflict and death, but also to compassion and life. I saw this compassion and empathy on the battlefield, many times firsthand, and I can tell you America should be proud of these men and women.

Memorial Day may not be a happy day, but neither is it filled with remorse. Instead, it overflows with a roller coaster of emotions that range from the highs of thinking about the good times you had with the friends and fellow Soldiers you were privileged to know, to the lows of knowing that you will never experience the warmth of their friendship again.

I am not a wealthy man monetarily, but I am far richer than most for knowing so many men and women who have served their country well. I have seen them at their finest in the worst of times. Some of them perished in the discharge of their duties, but they will, in my mind, remain forever young and brave.

I feel I would have had a much emptier life had I not been given the gift of knowing these departed souls, their friendship and Soldierly camaraderie.
“At the same time, I feel deeply saddened for their Families, as well as the Army and nation who lost them so early.

Their full potential will never be known. Sometimes — no, many times — not just on Memorial Day, I am grief-stricken with thoughts of them. I feel this grief is somewhat selfish because what I feel can be nothing compared to what their Families feel for a lifetime.

I share this only to put the meaning of Memorial Day in context and help others better understand why so many veterans have mixed emotions when one wishes us a happy Memorial Day.

This year, when you see a veteran in deep reflection, don’t wish them a happy Memorial Day. Give them a moment, give them some space, and most importantly, give them some understanding. Let them know you understand. Listen to the stories they tell of their friends that are here and departed.

As the noted English novelist Terry Pratchett said, “Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?” This quote aptly fits the stories told by a veteran of a friend no longer here. He is likely trying to keep his friend’s memory alive through the telling of his exploits and contributions. A hero lives forever in the minds of many.

On May 27 at 3 p.m. local time, take a moment to put the “Memorial” back in Memorial Day. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing and whoever you are with, stop and take two minutes to reflect and contemplate the meaning of this day.

Known as the Memorial Day Moment of Silence Act, it is likely one of the least known, but most noble gestures citizens can participate in to honor the nation’s fallen heroes. Enjoy your freedoms, but never forget they come at a price — all too often the loss of a human life. So, honor them on this and every Memorial Day.