Dog in front of fireplace holding American Flag in his mouth, American flag banner overheadPhoto byCamylla BattanionUnsplash

I truly hate election years. The way people act feels gross — and that’s the only way to describe it. After reading political posts and seeing how human beings behave toward one another, I need a shower. I don’t know how other countries handle political disagreements, but the United States has descended into reality show-level drama. While it’s occasionally entertaining, it’s mostly just stressful to witness.

Our country wasn’t always this divided. It used to be possible for opposing political parties to occasionally meet in the middle. It was even possible to have friends from the other side and disagree with their politics but have an understanding of how they got there. But that was before an unqualified reality star entered the race in 2016. It felt like every news channel became a reality show and every conversation about politics felt like we were describing the latest episode of the Real World, Jersey Shore, or the Kardashians. All of the drama, all of the time.

We sort of thought cooler heads would prevail, but we were wrong. We watched. We waited. We voted. And we were disappointed. We’re still living in a trashy reality TV world where spin is prioritized over truth, and no matter who wins, we all lose.

Self-Care for a Political Year

I’m one person, and I can’t control the way people see or express their politics. Frankly, I’ve given up trying to convince even one person that their logic is flawed.The propaganda is real, and most of the population seems incapable of critical thinking or independent, unbiased research. We’re all tired, and we could benefit from more self-care to balance the circus that is American politics.

Social Media Blackouts

Sometimes, I have to get off X, formerly known (and frankly still referred to) as Twitter. I have to mute Facebook accounts that promote hate and divisiveness. I want my social media to be a place where I can socialize, not a place where I can determine which family and friends are rooting for the opposing political party.

Don’t get me wrong. This information is useful. I’ve learned a lot about the people in my life. If I’m honest, I’ve lost respect for some of them based on what they post about politics. In other cases, my respect has only increased — not because we share the same voting preferences but because we have the same core values. I also think knowing what’s going on is important because it makes us informed citizens, which contributes to being informed voters. But sometimes, the best self-care we can do is to take a break from social media while we decompress. We can also choose to mute or unfollow the accounts that deplete our energy.

Strong Boundaries

Most people need stronger boundaries. I know I do. In a year that’s reached record levels of divisiveness, we need to be able to state that we don’t want to discuss politics and mean it. The personal might be deeply political, but when we know that the other person will never see our side, we can be very clear that a political discussion will meet a firm boundary. We’ll exit the conversation if it continues.

Sometimes, our strong boundaries mean standing up for ourselves or our values. This one is tough when the person on the other side of the issue is a loved one. For instance, I’ve been deeply committed to anti-racist work, but when confronted with the racism of someone I loved, I faltered. I was so shocked by what I was hearing that I don’t think I took as strong of a stance as I should have. I was too busy trying to sort out what I thought I knew about them from what I was hearing — and wondering how I didn’t see it before. I was too busy trying to figure out what it meant for our relationship to truly set a strong boundary. I can’t convince someone to join me in anti-racist work, but I could have done a better job of communicating that what was being said was an example of overt racism in someone who doesn’t think that they are, in fact, racist.

This might not seem like an example of self-care, but I’ve had a certain amount of guilt and shame for not stepping into that conversation in the way I would have liked. It was far from my finest moment, but it was a reminder that we need strong boundaries even with the people we love. I used what happened as a teaching moment later with my child who witnessed it to talk about what it means to be anti-racist and how we can be better allies for others.

Rest is Best

Sometimes, the best self-care is simply to rest. We need more sleep, but we also need times when we’re willing to take a break from what we consider to be productive to do the productive work of resting. I’ve been longing for a day when I can curl up with a book for hours and block out the ugliness of the world around me. I need it. Not only is it a restorative personal action, but it also can help us renew our energy so that we can interact with people from a place of respect, kindness, and compassion. It’s hard to do that when we’re exhausted and stressed out.

Strong, Safe Social Support

We do need to have friendships with shared values. When life gets overwhelming, we need to have people in our circle who get it. Sometimes, we need the chance to let off steam and vent about what’s happening in the world. We need safe spaces — people who can listen and understand our frustration.

But we also need social support that will help us feel better, not hype us up with more drama. Our social support shouldn’t be rooted in sensationalism and conspiracy. They should be the rational voices that remind us that every single piece of political news is not the end of the world. For calmer heads to prevail, we need more rational, thoughtful people in our inner circle who are willing to remind us that we’re not alone in how we feel. Whatever is going on with politics, we can still live our values, promote the truth, and make the world better for it.

Self-Care, Not Apathy

I’ll be the first to admit that an election year stresses me out, but self-care doesn’t equate to apathy. We don’t have to disengage entirely or refuse to vote because we’re not happy with our choices. We can still be informed and conscientious citizens who exercise our right to vote and participate in political discussions. But when it all becomes too much, we also have the right to rest and take a break from the constant stress.

The work will continue. Our political values will still be upheld among the many people who share them. The rest will only help us be stronger supporters of whatever it is we believe. We need self-care to counter the stress. It’s the best thing we can do for our families, our communities, and the world at large — not to mention for our physical and mental health.

Originally published on Medium