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One of the most annoying aspects of having gone through trauma therapy is knowing that there is no finish line. I know that I don’t get to a point where I’m just magically healed from everything that’s ever happened to me. As much as I’d love to say that there will come a point where there is no more discomfort to process, that would be a lie.

I’m grateful for my experience with my trauma therapist, but I still get annoyed when I trip over a trigger that I thought we’d dug up and dealt with. I want to be over it — but instead, I’m right back in the discomfort of messy emotions and physical discomfort. Thankfully, because of that very same therapy, I can ask myself the following questions to get to the bottom of my experience:

Where Am I Feeling This in My Body?

My trauma therapy experience was with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR. I know that the body and mind cannot be separated when it comes to trauma and its triggers. I recall my therapy experience and ask myself where I’m experiencing the discomfort in my body.

We all might have different answers. Sometimes, my discomfort is in the pit of my stomach. Other times, it’s in my throat or my heart space. I’ve even found it pressing on my shoulders and weighing me down. Finding the source of the physical discomfort is key to acknowledging how we’re affected and tracing it back to the root cause. For this particular trigger, the ache was bouncing between the pit of my stomach and my throat. Finding it there, I could do breathing exercises and focus on those areas of my body while asking the next two questions.

What Is the Root Cause of This Feeling?

I wondered where I’d felt this particular sensation before. The stomach, the throat. It came back to me quickly. The stomach connection was during times of great anxiety when I felt frustrated, powerless, and exhausted by it. The throat discomfort was linked to all the times when I felt like I was being heard or was being actively disrespected. I could put emotions with physical feelings.

Then, I felt them. I didn’t just trace them back to a source in my past. I let myself experience the pain, frustration, sadness, and anger that came up. Focusing on those areas, I validated those feelings. But I also gave myself a new perspective. I’ve been through this before. What did I learn? How can I take back my power?

How Can I Regulate My Emotions While I Navigate This Trigger?

The most important question comes down to this: How can we best regulate our emotions while navigating a trigger? It helps to recognize that we are triggered. Then, it helps to take a step back to process those feelings before reacting to them.

We don’t always catch the fact that we’re triggered before we’ve reacted. Sometimes, the reaction is the signal that reminds us. It’s a sign that we need more healing for that particular issue, but it’s also an opportunity to practice any coping skills we’ve been learning to manage emotional triggers.

I usually default to analyzing the situation when what I need to do is feel my feelings. It’s easier to take an intellectual approach and skip the mess, but trauma recovery doesn’t work that way. We have to feel the things that are messy and uncomfortable if we want to heal from them. So, I stopped analyzing and talking it through and let myself feel it all.

As I did, I noticed that the ball in the pit of my stomach got lighter before finally disappearing entirely. The lump in my throat eased until it was no longer there at all. I began to take full, deep, cleansing breaths, and I no longer felt rage and anxiety coursing through my veins. I could see the link between what was and what is, and I know that I’m still healing.

I took inventory. My body felt better. My emotions were acknowledged and validated. Had I responded instead of reacting? Yes and no. I had enforced my boundaries and communicated well, a fact I can be proud of, but there was an element of reaction in there that I’m still working on. I can see my progress, and I have so much gratitude for it.

I know that I’m never going to be “over” feeling challenging emotions. All the therapy in the world can’t make that happen. But I know that every new experience is an opportunity to practice what I’ve learned and to lean deeper into healing. If we’re all on this human experience walking each other home, I’d like to do it with a little more self-awareness, a lot more healing, and the calm acceptance that there is no finish line when it comes to recovery.

Originally published on Medium