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I have to admit that I experienced a moment of temptation to create yet another dating profile. It’s insanity at its finest — repeating the same actions and yet expecting different results. I’m a rational, logical person. Why would I even be tempted to return to the flaming dumpster of online dating?

4 Reasons We Keep Returning to Online Dating

There are reasons. It might seem irrational, but there are contributing factors. Here are just a few I’ve noticed in my dating (or lack of dating) journey.

1. The Wild is a Wilderness

Many of us try to meet people in the wild. We stay open to that real-life meet cute — but we’re not meeting anyone, ever. The wild happens to be a wilderness, particularly if you live in a rural area. At a certain point, we wonder if we’ll meet anyone ever again. The convenience of online dating profiles might just tempt us to try again.

Dating apps create the illusion of more options, but that doesn’t mean the options are what we’re seeking. There are many single people, but finding a perfect match isn’t what the algorithms want. Instead, they are meant to generate more dating activity — particularly at a paid subscription level. Dating apps haven’t gotten harder to navigate to keep us on them longer.

2. It Gets Lonely Out Here

I sometimes miss coupled things. I miss inside jokes and having a person who is “my person.” I miss going out on dates and having someone to share the details of my day with when it’s done. I miss falling asleep with another heartbeat beside mine. And I especially miss stealing his hoodie when the weather gets chilly so that I can bask in that scent and sense of closeness.

It can be lonely being single for extended periods when we don’t feel like there are good options. Dating apps might seem more attractive the longer we stay away from them. In truth, we’re likely forgetting just how bad they were. But don’t worry: Signing up for another profile will quickly remind us. In the end, we buy an oversized hoodie, spray it with cologne, and call it a day. We trade in our relationship goals for single-life goals instead.

3. We Hear the Urban Legends

Sometimes, we sign up for online dating because of all the people who claim to have met their significant other that way. I feel like these stories need more context. We need to know if they were dating in their forties or dating as a single parent. Dating in our twenties and thirties might be simpler than dating later in life. We need to know the exact dating app and what year it was when they met. A lot has changed in the last decade of online dating. We might assume this type of connection is still possible when the factors that made it possible have changed.

When we hear these stories, we experience the fear of missing out. We think that if we’re not on a dating app, we might not have the chance to meet our one true love. It gives us the (false) impression that dating apps are the only way to meet romantic partners.

4. We Remain Hopeful

I almost hate the hope. I’ll sometimes think that if I just go on a dating app and do everything right, it will all work out for me. I won’t end up bored, frustrated, or disillusioned. I’ll have good interactions with nice people. But that never happens.

Instead, conversations go nowhere or conversations go straight to the physical. There is no in-between. It’s disheartening because we want to believe that our soul mate or perfect match is just a click away from us. We think that this time is the time everything might work out — if we just give it one more chance.

Resisting the Temptation

I decide to resist the temptation. I already know how it would go if I were to give in. I’d have a few boring conversations with little follow-up. Someone would admit to lying about their age. Someone else would make an inappropriate comment. Someone, somewhere, will use the opportunity to complain about their ex and how awful dating is now. I’ll get fed up and delete my account.

For once, I skip ahead and don’t create one at all. I save myself a little time and frustration. While I’d love to believe that my next relationship is just waiting for me to sign up and start swiping, I’ve come to believe that I can’t force the timing — no matter how hard I try. Instead, I remind myself of all the parts of the single life I love and focus on that.

I don’t want to keep repeating old patterns. I’ll stay open to meeting someone in the wild. Even if it takes a long time, at least I won’t be spending that time burning through dating profiles in an endless game of Hot-or-Not.

Originally published on Medium