Opinion: Jail, homelessness, mental hospitals: Which is the worst in Denver?

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I recently was part of a discussion about which was worse: Jail or homelessness.

I have the qualifications to comment, unfortunately, and I will add a wild card, too: Mental hospitals. I experienced all those things: Being unhoused, going to jail, and spending time in mental hospitals.

So, which is worse?

Homelessness dangerous for me

For me, homelessness always was the worst. I screamed constantly with hallucinations and delusions as I grappled with untreated schizoaffective disorder bipolar one type. I said incredibly nasty things and did not make friends with anyone. I frequently would get into fights with strangers. My mouth led to several run-ins with police that left me bruised and charged with assault on a peace officer. I was taken to jail, declared incompetent to proceed, and committed to Colorado Mental Health Institute at Pueblo for a year.

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I also was beaten up by other homeless people on the street. Once, I was cold cocked by a drag queen on Free Mall Ride. I regained consciousness on a median at Speer and Arapahoe. I walked to Denver Health with a split lip.

A preference for the mental hospitals

I remember begging Denver Health to readmit me to the mental hospital as they sewed up my lip. I just had been released a week prior. Denver Health’s mental health unit was clean, the food not bad, staff was polite, there was internet access … it was heaven compared to homelessness. And while the first couple of times you are admitted to a mental hospital it is insulting and stigmatizing to have your freedom taken away, by the third time you go you are resigned to going along with the program, taking your medication, and just beginning to accept that you have a mental illness. At least I was.

The staff at Pueblo proved especially kind, understanding and helpful. They had music days and even a gym. We went outside for an hour some days. Once a week we went to a store where we could buy snacks with points we received for good behavior. We could use the telephone if we wanted to, but I never accepted any calls from the one person who did ring me. We watched a lot of “Law and Order.” Three days a week, they gave us instant decaffeinated coffee.

Downtown Detention Center a terrible place

Jail, unlike the mental hospitals, is terrible, but probably still better than homelessness, at least for me. Jail saved me from my mouth. It also gave me time to think about what had transpired in my life during several traumatic years that left me changed. It was in jail that I realized I desperately needed my mental health meds and should never go off them again.

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But jail was awful. At the downtown Denver detention center, I often was put in “the hole” which is a section of the jail that floods with stinky water from time to time. I usually was in there because I screamed profanities at every waking moment. I had become convinced that one of the deputies had something to do with my second cousin’s death. I was completely delusional but honestly believed this woman was a threat at the time. Because I treated her poorly, she treated me poorly. One night, two deputies on duty who did not like me, or my mouth, refused to serve me dinner. Once, I vomited in my cell and deputies did not let me clean it up for three days. The only way I did get to clean it up was after internal affairs showed up to talk to me about something else. They ordered the deputies to let me clean my cell.

Destiny is in charge

I would not wish anyone ever spend even one single night in jail, homeless, or in a mental hospital – unless they need to. Different seasons of life result in different environments. Sometimes none of your options seem great at the time.

I am a firm believer in divine destiny and that everything happens for a reason. For that reason, I have no regrets about spending time in jail, homeless, or in a mental hospital. I am grateful today for my freedom and to be living as sane, productive, and healthy of a life as possible.