‘Agatha All Along’ Episode 5 Recap: “Darkest Hour/Wake Thy Power’

Can we just go back to when Agatha’s coven became improvised ’70s rock balladeers ? Because shit is getting really real – and crack-an-Easter-egg revealing – out here on the Witches’ Road. The first part of Agatha All Along Episode 5 rejoined the crew in a panic. The feared and cloaked Salem Seven had located their scent. Quick, to the hexenbesens! Despite pointed commentary from veteran witch Lila – “Brooms have been co-opted by the holiday industrial complex” – they were also desperate, so everybody gifted each other gnarled tree roots transformed into enchanted flying machines by Latin-chanted spells. This began a cool few moments of witchly freedom, as the coven blasted down the dark Road like they were on speeder bikes in the green forests of Endor. But as a telling blood moon rose over the proceedings, and the coven evaded a Sevener with a maw full of insects, the Road’s entropic force pushed them toward the next trial. And it’s like the worst 80s slumber party anyone can remember.

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Terry cloth tennis sets, jammies with feet, oversized jersey nightgowns, Sony Walkmen, board games by Parker Brothers, and color coded Casio G-Shock watches: this trial has it all. And everyone agrees it’s all about Agatha, just like the previous trial’s challenge was to loosen Alice’s family curse. Agatha’s the one who, back in the 1690s day, killed her sister witches and absorbed their power. (We saw this in WandaVision .) As Rio says, if they’re gonna commune with the spirit world via Parker Bros Ouija board, it would seem Agatha has some peeps over there. Or is it just Mrs. Hart/Sharon Davis ? Cue Agatha pretending to be imbued with the spirit of their dead Westview neighbor/green witch, and a Debra Jo Rupp impersonation Kathryn Hahn absolutely nails on the line “My own early demise.” But all funny business aside, as the Ouija spells out punishments for Agatha’s past deeds, it’s Evandora Harkness (Kate Forbes) of the Salemites who crashes the slumber party.

“You were born evil. I ought to have killed you the moment you left my body.” Jeez, Agatha’s mom, tell us how you really feel. Evanora hates what her daughter became, a witch more than willing to absorb others’ powers for personal gain, whatever the cost in lives. (Then again, as a self-preservation-loving Rio points out, Evanora also had Agatha bound to a stake.) The Salemite coven leader demands the others walk the Road while Agatha stays to accept punishment. As the children of the witches she murdered, the Salem Seven got beef. But that’s not what happens. At all.

Whatever Agatha’s faults, as a protector witch, Alice conjures her own power to protect her coven leader. But even as she pushes Evanora’s spirit from her daughter’s body, Agatha drinks in the orange witchy force. Alice is literally sucked dry, not just of power but seemingly of life itself. Did Agatha All Along just kill off another member of the crew? Take it from the others: “Death comes for us all.” Damn! All that Episode 4 singing and wearing ’70s rock finery for nothing.

N-I-C-H-O-L-A-S S-C-R-A-T-C-H . There’s that loaded-with-lore name again. As Agatha’s long lost son communicates with the slumber party from beyond – “Mama! Stop!” a child’s voice pleads – Agatha herself is out on the Road and reveling in the feeling of having power once again. It doesn’t last. The wisps of orange power dissipate as Teen confronts Agatha in anger. All she ever wanted was their witchy juice. (Agatha didn’t really hide this as an aspect of her character. Remember back in Episode 2 when she tricked them into blasting her with theirs so she could absorb it all?) But Teen believes it’s worse than that. He says being a witch should never be about killing just to serve one’s agenda. “No. Not for me.” And to this, Agatha only offers a grim smile. She leans in, grips his chin. “Are you sure? You’re so much like your mother.”

If Teen isn’t some version of Nicholas Scratch, Agatha’s son, then who is he? Well, in the Marvel universe, who else believed her own altruism could counteract the violence and torment conducted in her name? The muting sigil placed on Teen apparently hid his true identity as a new version of Billy Kaplan, the reincarnated son of Wanda Maximoff. It’s a realization that enrages the young fella, and within seconds, blue-tinged baubles of power have appeared in his hands. (Just like his mother’s red ones.) The power possesses Jen and Lilia, and they toss Agatha into a goopy vat of nearby quicksand, where she goes under. But Teen/Billy isn’t done, and soon Lilia and Jen join their coven leader in the muck.

It’s difficult to believe that Agatha All Along just murdered 99% of its core cast. Difficult enough that it’s worth considering where Rio Vidal was during all of this true identity revealing and blue energy balling and possessed bodily tossing. Rio has always been a chaos agent on this journey down the Witches’ Road. She could come back to pull the coven from their doom. Or maybe not! It’s an inexact science in Marvel-land, establishing the identity of Rio herself. But all through this devastating Episode 5 trial, she seemed to defend Agatha against Evanora and the charges of indiscriminate murder, perhaps to complete an unstated mission of her own.

In the meantime, besides a missing Rio, everybody who isn’t dead back in the house – Alice Wu-Gulliver, you were really cool – has been sucked underneath a muddy Witches’ Road pit. And as we turn to Teen in close-up, we see him in a crown, blue-tinged, and not dissimilar to that of Wanda’s own scarlet-hued headpiece. How’s that for a cracked Easter egg? Cue the Billie Eilish.

Johnny Loftus ( @glennganges ) is an independent writer and editor living at large in Chicagoland. His work has appeared in The Village Voice, All Music Guide, Pitchfork Media, and Nicki Swift.

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