What BYU’s Amber Whiting said on Ashley Hatch’s podcast

Amber Whiting didn’t think she’d be hired as BYU’s women’s basketball head coach, she admitted on a podcast Monday.

Whiting was a guest on former BYU soccer star Ashely Hatch’s podcast, “The Ditto Podcast,” where she opened up about interviewing for the BYU job, coaching her daughter, BYU’s honor code and mental health in college sports.

Here are the highlights of what Whiting had to say.

On coaching her daughter, Amari Whiting

This is not Whiting’s first stint coaching her daughter, Amari Whiting , who is a sophomore at BYU this season. Because of the unique situation the two are in, they’ve had to set boundaries for when they’re together off and on the court.

Amber Whiting said her daughter is not allowed to call her “mom” during practices or games. She can address her as “Amber” or “coach” like the other players, which can lead to weird looks from others when it happens away from basketball.

As a freshman in high school, Amari learned that lesson. She addressed Amber Whiting, who was the her daughter’s coach at the time, as “mom” at practice. Amber Whiting had her daughter run the rest of practice.

“Then a lot of times at the end of the season, there are repairs that we have to do within our relationship,” she said. “But we try and like have those little times outside (of basketball), like we’ll go get our nails done or something every other week together, and we don’t talk any basketball.”

On interviewing for the BYU job

When Whiting heard about the BYU job and applied, she thought it was a long shot, she told Hatch and Hatch’s co-host Matt Moore.

“I threw my name in there and never, not once, thinking that they would actually pick me, like I’m just gonna throw that out there,” she said.

But Whiting impressed throughout the interview process. Part of the process included a meeting with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ Quorum of the 12 Apostles.

She got a call telling her when Elder Holland wanted to meet with her, but there was one problem. It was the same day her son was coming home from his two-year mission for the church in Finland. The meeting would be in Utah, and her son would be flying into Boise, Idaho.

“I just remember thinking, ‘Your kid comes home once, like you get that feeling once. I was just like, ‘I can’t be there. I’m sorry,’” she said.

In Whiting’s recounting of the story, the secretary was surprised that Whiting wouldn’t be able to make the meeting. She said she’d call Whiting back, and Whiting’s heart sank, thinking that was it.

But the secretary called back and scheduled a meeting for the day after her son came home.

When Whiting and her husband arrived at Elder Holland’s office for the interview, she was surprised to see a photo of her family at the airport from the day before, sitting on Elder Holland’s desk.

“I just remember thinking this man is going to see through my soul. Like you just get this little bit of like, ‘Am I good enough?’ like panic mode,” she said.

Elder Holland broke the ice by asking why Whiting’s daughter had committed to Oregon. Whiting said her daughter had prayed about the decision, and Elder Holland responded by saying she should pray about it again.

Amari Whiting did indeed pray about the decision again, her mom said Monday, and decided to follow her mom to Provo.

On how the honor code impacts recruiting

Whiting’s first conversations with recruits focuses on BYU’s honor code and that player’s willingness to live by it.

“Parents of high school kids, more or less, or some (transfer) portal kids love to hear what BYU has and is, and that we want to live by that, like it’s just not something we want to say, but it’s actually something that we want to live by,” she said.

Whiting believes the honor code actually gives BYU a competitive advantage.

“I feel like it’s a competitive advantage because as an athlete, you don’t want to be putting that crap in your body, first of all. Secondly, if you’re out partying and doing other things that aren’t outside, that’s just distractions,” she said.

Hatch agreed with Whiting about the competitive advantage that comes from the honor code, and she admitted that she hates the misconceptions people have about it.

“If you’re an athlete that’s serious about your craft — whatever it is — like, you’re going to want to take care of your body and your mind, and like these are the things that are going to set you up for success,” Hatch said.

“I really hate this perception from mostly from people who don’t understand. When I tell them I went to BYU, it’s like, ‘Oh, you weren’t allowed to do anything,’ and it’s like, I hate that. It’s like, ‘No, actually, the way I lived my life allowed me to do so much more.’ It’s just the way that people perceive it and the way that you take it.”

Whiting also praised BYU’s religious diversity and said she learns from all of her players, regardless of their religious background. She shared a story of how she got chills when one of her Catholic players said a prayer in Spanish, despite not understanding what was being said.

“I want to embrace my women for who they are, and they all know that about me,” Whiting said. “I have women from different religious backgrounds, and that’s another farce that I tried to dispel at BYU because people think that you can only come here if you’re LDS or labeled a member.

“I believe that I draw strength from all of my women, whether they’re Muslim, whether they’re Catholic.”

On mental health in college sports

Whiting acknowledged the importance of mental health in college sports and that players and coaches have “a lot of challenges that are outside of basketball.”

“Mental health is huge,” she said. “I always tell my players, give themselves grace. It’s OK to make a mistake. It’s OK to learn from things. It’s OK to have a bad day.

“But on the flip side, I gotta have them be a little bit more mentally tough. If we only practice when we feel good, we’re not going to ever practice. They have to find the balance of, ‘Yeah I’m hurting today or yeah this happened in my life, but basketball can be my release for this.’”

Whiting gives her players one no-questions asked mental health day, but the mental health day isn’t just a way to get of practice. There’s a condition as part of using that day.

“They need to go see either our mental health guy or our psych guy so that they can work through the problem, ‘cause that problem is still going to be there the next day,” she said.

For the sake of her own mental health, she said she goes for evening walks, morning runs and vents to her husband. She also tries to prioritize her spirituality to help.

“Making sure that my spiritual side, taking time for that, that’s my inner peace,” she said. “If I’m right there, like, if I’m good on that, then I can handle a lot more, I feel like.”