Do babies belong at work events?

Two weeks ago, Elena Brandt boarded a plane to fly from Florida to San Francisco with her 6-month-old son, excited for what she called a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

The founder of a behavioral research startup called Besample, Brandt would be attending a female founders conference, she wrote in a LinkedIn post accompanied by a cheery photo of the pair en route to the event.

But a day later, Brandt’s dispatches from the conference shifted in tone. In a subsequent LinkedIn post , she described an incident when, during a keynote address, a conference organizer asked Brandt to step out of the room with her “peacefully” cooing baby, according to Brandt.

“Unbelievable, but in modern California, a woman doesn’t feel comfortable coming to a startup event with a breastfed baby,” she wrote , reflecting on the interaction and with her conversations with other attendees, some who had left their newborns home to come to the conference.

Hundreds chimed in with support for Brandt, sharing their stories of bringing babies into a professional setting and offering creative solutions. A week later, Surbhi Sarna, a partner at the prominent startup accelerator Y Combinator, which hosted the event, emailed Brandt an apology and shared her account of what happened in a LinkedIn post .

“It was a small venue, and during our keynote solo talk, a baby started making noise, and it was apparent that people across the room could hear the noise,” she wrote in a post. She was trying to help and avoid disturbing the conference, she wrote. “I will continue supporting female founders and moms at every opportunity, and nothing will change that,” she concluded.

Brandt, however, found the interaction jarring and unfair. But it also brought to the forefront the broader challenges mothers are up against in the workforce – including a lack of affordable child care and access to opportunities in the male-dominated tech industry.

The incident resurfaced questions that nobody seems to have consensus on: Should you bring small children into adult-centered spaces like professional conferences? And what does our society’s unease with children in public spaces, including babbling babies, say about our readiness to support mothers, both in and out of the workforce?

Bridging the gender gap

In the tech industry, women face significant obstacles when it comes to bridging the gender gap. In 2023, women made up 13.2% of all startup founders, which is the lowest percentage since at least 2018, according to Carta . Female-founded companies receive only 2% of venture capital funding. At Y Combinator, which hosted the conference Brandt attended, up to 15% of startups have at least one woman founder.

“It’s still a huge uphill battle to move the needle on the systemic level inside the industry at large,” said Mikel Blake, co-founder of Tech-Moms , a Utah-based nonprofit that helps women and mothers to transition into tech jobs and offers technical skills training.

Lack of childcare is one of the biggest hurdles that prevents women from joining the program, which is why Tech-Moms offers child care on site during their daylong Saturday programs. In some cases, participants receive stipends.

Although companies tout their commitment to gender equality and integrating mothers, implementing changes in practice is more challenging, Blake said. The increase in flexible and hybrid job positions has been a step forward, but companies need to create more part-time roles more suitable for mothers, she said, and be more proactive in recruiting women.

Blake describes the Tech-Moms approach as “high-touch” in its efforts to bring more women into the program. That means reaching out multiple times and following up, even after the women are placed in a class. “Women need more than one tap on the shoulder,” she said.

After finishing classes, a placement team helps women get jobs and additional education if needed. This proactive approach translated into recruiting tactics could help companies bring in and retain more women. “Sometimes the companies prefer to do what they’ve always done,” she said. “But if we do the same thing, we’ll get the same result.”

‘No consensus whether it’s normal’

Brandt, who has four children, was always determined to combine her professional ambitions and her desire to have kids. When her baby, Darwin, was only 2 weeks old, she drove five hours to a work event from Atlanta. “A lot of people thought I was crazy, but I was like, I’m not missing out on this event, because I need funding for my company,” Brandt told me.

But this kind of decision is not a norm and it’s often frowned upon, she said. “People are sensitive to social disapproval — it doesn’t feel nice,” she told me. “It can be very upsetting at the moment.”

The contrast in the stories that Brandt heard in response to her experience at the founders conference was illuminating in itself. Some spoke of positive experiences of having child care on site, while others reported being shamed. “What was clear was that there is no consensus whether it’s normal to bring your baby along to business events,” Brandt said.

But it’s an important question for entrepreneurs with limited funds for child care. This ambiguity discourages women from attending important events or meetings if they can’t find someone to stay with their kids.

How do you welcome mothers?

Jennifer Stojkovic is a venture capitalist in Los Angeles, who puts on a conference on the future of food for more than 1,000 people, most of them women. She told me she wanted to make the event accessible to women at all career stages and ages, including mothers with children, including infants. On the website for the event, there’s a question: “Can you bring kids to the event?” The answer says that “inspiring future changemakers is core to the focus” of the conference, and that attendees under the age of 16 are invited to attend accompanied by an adult.

Stojkovic also made all the events during the conference alcohol-free, including the VIP reception. “This way mothers feel safer bringing kids to the event, including teenagers,” Stojkovic said, adding that the change has also made the environment safer for women entrepreneurs. There are also lounges and spaces where mothers can breastfeed while still watching the event on the stage.

“Women are not getting access to opportunities for capital, it’s very clear” she said. “And for a lot of women, the reason they are not getting access to these venues is because of child care.”

It’s tough to leave their kids to fly to San Francisco for a weekend, she explained. “So the first thing you can do is make your events child friendly.”

Brandt also suggests conference organizers be more upfront about welcoming mothers and babies — they could make an announcement from the stage, have child care on site, and even hold a “junior conference” for the founders’ kids.

Making space for mothers

In addition to cultural shifts, updating facilities to accommodate mothers is a concrete way for companies to demonstrate support.

Abbey Donnell has seen companies put up shower curtains to cover glass doors in conference rooms to create privacy for pumping mothers and closets converted to mothers’ rooms.

“Companies can be supportive all day long and offer policies or virtual solutions,” Donnell, the founder of Work & Mother, a company that installs lactation suites in companies’ offices, told me. “But until you address the physical needs, whether that’s child care or pumping rooms — if the built environment itself isn’t inclusive, then your policies can only go so far.”

Stojkovic told me she held off having children, anticipating the challenges of juggling kids and career. “I want people like me to not feel like they have to hold off having children because of that,” said.

The issue goes beyond women in the tech industry, according to Blake of Tech-Moms.

“An additional barrier that moms and women are facing is lack of tolerance and integration of kids as part of society,” Blake said. “Sure, kids make noise, but also humans make noise.”

Embracing the fact that babies tagging along with their mothers — and dads, for that matter — will occasionally cry is a small step toward a big change, Brandt told me. “I understand that for people in the Silicon Valley it may feel like it’s less professional,” she said. “But if you want female founders, that’s what it means to embrace them.”