What You Should Never Talk About: 10 Tips from Orthodox Elders

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In an age of constant communication, when sharing every detail of our lives has become the norm, the ancient wisdom of Orthodox Christianity reminds us of the power and necessity of silence.

Orthodox elders, revered for their spiritual insight, emphasize the importance of being careful with your words. Modest and wise elders of the Orthodox faith warn against spreading certain topics, emphasizing that indiscriminate disclosure can be harmful and cause great damage to one's life.

What are these topics and why should Orthodox Christians keep them secret, even from family and close friends?

Here are 10 topics they advise us to keep secret, each one wrapped in the sanctity of prudence and humility.

1. Avoid idle talk

The first thing that you should not tell anyone is the abusive, evil words you hear from other people.

The Holy Fathers strictly forbid ridiculing others. They say: "First declare your weaknesses, then talk about others." "Woe to us: we hide our weaknesses very skillfully, but we talk so diligently about others." - Schema-Abbot John

Idle talk, or gossip, leads to nothing but distraction and spiritual decay. Orthodox elders teach that words should be meaningful and purposeful, contributing to the edification of those who hear them.

On the path of life, it is easy to come across the dirt of idle gossip, malicious talk, and negative influences. We may accidentally stain our clothes or shoes while walking, and in the same way, we may stain our souls. Those who come home and repeat everything they have heard from fools are no better than those who enter the house with dirty shoes and clothes on.

Elder Thaddeus once said, "Our thoughts determine our lives."

Just as dirt sticks to our shoes, negative and harmful thoughts settle in our minds and hearts, influencing our actions and outlook on life.

2.Your plans for the future

The second thing you don’t need to talk about is your plans for the future.

Elders advise being modest and reserved about plans for the future.

Elder Paisios of Athos wisely noted: "You put your own plans ahead of God's plans, that is why you suffer. Trust in God and humility solve all problems."

Our plans are often imperfect and vulnerable to outside influence. Premature disclosure of plans can cause doubts and interference, which can lead to the failure of our intentions.

3. Your participation in charity

The third action that should be kept secret is your participation in charitable causes.

“Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,” Jesus said in Matthew 6:3.

This profound wisdom is shared by elders who advise us to keep our charitable deeds private. Boasting of our good deeds diminishes their spiritual value and can lead to vanity. They remind us that true charity is done in silence and humility.

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4. The fourth taboo topic is domestic quarrels and family life in general.

Family matters are sacred and complex. Elders teach that publicly discussing domestic disputes and family life can lead to unnecessary judgment and conflict. Keeping these matters private preserves the dignity of the family and helps create an atmosphere in which problems can be resolved with love and respect.

"Don't complain about your children to anyone except the saints and the Mother of God. And don't boast, don't irritate your enemies. If things are bad, people will be happy. If things are good, you will cause envy." Elder Nikolai Guryanov

5. Refrain from speaking ill of the authorities

"Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king," advises 1 Peter 2:17.

Speaking ill of authority, whether secular or religious, undermines respect and order. The elders teach that while it is appropriate to challenge injustice, it must be done with respect and in a spirit of constructive dialogue.

6. Refrain from bragging

The sixth taboo topic is the topic of our own masculinity and heroic deeds.

“Let another praise you, and not your own lips” (Proverbs 27:2).

Talking about our own accomplishments and heroism can quickly turn into bragging. God often tests us both outwardly and inwardly, the latter known only to us and to God.

Saint Anthony the Great once said: “I saw all the traps set by the enemy on earth, and I said with a sigh: “Who can get around them?” Then I heard a voice saying: “humble.”

Boasting not only reflects arrogance, but also distances us from humility, which is the cornerstone of spiritual growth. Orthodox elders emphasize the importance of letting our actions, not our words, speak of our character.

7. Don't discuss spiritual experiences lightly

The seventh topic that should be kept silent about is the topic concerning our spiritual knowledge.

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn and rend you.” (Sermon on the Mount (7:6))

Spiritual knowledge is a hard-earned gift that should be shared with care. St. Seraphim of Sarov cautioned against casually sharing spiritual experiences because they are sacred and personal. Discussing them inappropriately can lead to misunderstandings. Elders advise sharing such experiences only with a spiritual father or someone who has similar spiritual maturity. Elders advise disclosing such knowledge only to those who are ready to receive it, so that it can help rather than confuse others.

8. Your ascetic practices

The eighth topic that the Elders advise to “surround with mystery” is our asceticism.

Saint Silouan the Athonite said: "Keep your mind in hell and do not despair."

This profound statement emphasizes the importance of humility and patience.

Asceticism involves self-discipline and self-sacrifice for the sake of spiritual growth. St. Seraphim of Sarov advised that openly discussing ascetic practices can lead to spiritual pride. Ascetic efforts should be kept between oneself and God, ensuring that they remain a true expression of devotion and not a source of vanity.

9. Your prayers

The Elders consider our prayers to be the ninth secret theme.

Prayer is a deeply intimate dialogue with God.

Saint Theophan the Recluse also spoke about this in his time: “As is our relationship with God, such is our prayer, such is our relationship with God.”

Public dissemination of prayers can turn them into a performance, undermining their genuine spiritual connection.

And finally, the Elders consider fasting to be the tenth secret act.

Showy fasting is meaningless and sinful in the eyes of God. True fasting, done in humility and secrecy, helps us grow in virtue and repentance. As with prayer, fasting should not be showy, but a sincere offering to the Lord.

By keeping certain aspects of our lives secret, we develop a deeper and more authentic spirituality. In the wisdom of silence, we find the path to true humility, peace, and spiritual depth.

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