Why Smart People Narrow Their Social Circles as They Age: A Good Answer

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As we get older, an interesting thing happens: our social circle shrinks.

They say that if a person is kind, open, hospitable and generous in spirit, there will always be many people around him. Some will love him, others will respect him, others will admire him, others will seek his advice, and others will imitate him.

However, you understand perfectly well that among this diverse environment there will be those who will envy, be angry, try to offend, devalue the individual and commit meanness.

Psychologists point out that part of human nature is not only to strive for our own success, but, unfortunately, to watch others fall. We are programmed to compete, to seek approval, and sometimes our love is reserved only for those who boost our own fragile egos. It is a sad but true observation about human relationships.

We are all competitors for a place in the sun and we truly love only those who sincerely love us.

Life goes on, and subtle changes occur. Those who once happily accepted every invitation and every social event begin to retreat.

When a person passes away in Russia, his qualities and potential are assessed by the number of people who come to see him off on his final journey.

Omar Khayyam said that as we age we gain wisdom and experience, and in the second half of our lives we turn inward. This does not mean that we stop caring about people, but the need for constant company disappears. We become more selective with our time and energy, realizing that they are not endless and that they must be spent wisely.

Suddenly, the idea of ​​idle chatter or unnecessary debate loses its appeal. The desire to argue disappears – not because we agree with everyone, but because we realize that not every argument is worth wasting our time on.

"If you reach into the chest of drawers for a shirt, the day is wasted"...

Joseph Brodsky conveys this beautifully in his poem:

“It’s not that I’m going crazy, but I’m tired over the summer.

If you reach into the chest of drawers for a shirt, the day is wasted.

I wish winter would come sooner and cover all this up –

cities, people, but first greenery….

Brodsky wasn't just talking about changing his shirt to meet someone away from work; he was complaining that it prevented him from engaging in deeper, more personal reflection. Visits, socializing, even the mundane rituals of life can distract from the really important thoughts and tasks.

At a certain point, loneliness becomes not a burden, but a gift. The time we spend alone becomes precious, a refuge from the noise of the world. This does not mean complete isolation, but it does mean a change in priorities. We begin to value fewer acquaintances and meetings. We can still interact with the world, but in a more thoughtful way.

As we age, we begin to understand ourselves better.

We know what energizes us, what drains us, and where we find true peace. The noise of politics, gossip, and superficial conversations begin to seem irrelevant. The world, with all its drama, continues to change, but we no longer feel the need to watch every turn.

As Igor Guberman wrote:

I love people and, in my naivety,

I speak openly with them,

And I wait for wide-open reciprocity,

And then I smoke sadly. (c)

His words reflect a universal truth: No matter how much we love and trust people, not everyone will reciprocate with the same sincerity. And over time, we learn to navigate this reality more carefully.

Ultimately, as life becomes more complex and nuanced, our relationships with others change. We learn to conserve our energy not out of selfishness, but out of wisdom. We become guardians of our own peace, carefully choosing the people and moments that are worthy of our time.

Wisdom that comes with experience

Poet Andrei Dementyev also reflected on this bittersweet reality in his work. He emphasized the discomfort many of us experience as we age – the need for sincerity and a growing intolerance for pretense.

He created a remarkable poem, where he skillfully and in detail outlined all the advantages and disadvantages of human communication, surpassing even the most experienced psychologists.

I don't like it when friends lie,

I don't like my lack of restraint.

I don't like being praised all the time,

I don't like it when people scold me either.

I don't like it when they take things by storm.

I don't like fans and snobs.

I don’t like it hidden – “quietly”,

And I don't like tangled knots.

I don't like it when answers are stingy,

And also, if they talk a lot.

I don't like it when questions are stupid,

Especially when they are in a row.

I love looking out the window when there are stars there,

And I don’t like to look flatterers in the eyes.

I don’t like it when it’s “done” – too late, –

I love it when someone else can do it, but I can do it myself.

I like it when the face is beautiful,

But I can’t stand stupidity in the beautiful.

I don’t like it when the soul is without passion,

When you have a calm, quiet disposition, I love you.

I don't like it when people decide for everyone,

And I don’t like to be dependent,

And I really don't like it when people interfere.

It's up to me to decide: to love or not to love!!!

What do you think about this? Share your experience in the comments!