Why Marriages Fall Apart: 10 Life Principles of Psychologist Irvin Yalom

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Irvin David Yalom is a prominent American psychiatrist whose work has had a significant impact on modern psychotherapy and understanding of human psychology. In his works, both scientific and artistic, Yalom explores themes of death, freedom, loneliness, and the meaning of life. He helps people overcome internal obstacles and find harmony and meaning in their lives.

Yalom is also known worldwide for his books, in which he shares his experience and wisdom in the field of psychotherapy and personal growth.

With his wealth of experience, he shared valuable ideas that can help us cope with life's challenges and achieve true happiness.

Today we have a selection of quotes from the most influential psychologist in the world, Irvin Yalom.

1. To raise children, you must raise yourself.

Being a parent isn’t just about raising children; it’s also about growing and evolving with them. To raise happy children, we must first learn to navigate the complexities of our own lives. This means confronting our own fears, insecurities, and limitations. It involves understanding our own emotions, motivations, and values ​​so that we can be happy people and provide a stable foundation for our children.

Parenting forces us to mature emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. We learn to put our children's needs above our own desires and discover the deep joy that comes from selfless love and sacrifice. We must be willing to admit our mistakes and learn from them.

2. The more unlived life you have, the stronger your anxiety about death.

Have you ever thought about the connection between unlived aspects of your life and your fear of death?

When people are not living their dreams or have not truly lived, they may experience heightened anxiety when faced with the inevitability of death. We fear that we may never have the chance to fulfill our dreams, make meaningful connections, or leave a lasting mark on the world.

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3. Between understanding something with the mind and understanding it with the heart, there is a gulf - a huge gulf.

Intellectual understanding, based on logic and reason, allows us to comprehend concepts, theories, and facts. It utilizes our analytical abilities, allowing us to make sense of the world around us. However, it often lacks the emotional depth that comes from experiencing something on a deeper level.

However, bridging the gap between the mind and the heart is not easy. It requires vulnerability, empathy, and a willingness to connect with our deepest selves. This means being open to experiencing the full range of human emotions, from joy and love to sadness and pain.

But when we bridge that gap, something magical happens. We gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, others, and the world around us. We develop compassion, empathy, and a sense of connection with all living things. We tap into the wisdom of the heart that leads us to a more authentic and meaningful existence.

4. Under the mask of high self-esteem and arrogance usually hides self-doubt, shame and self-destruction.

Arrogance and arrogance often serve as protective masks that hide people from their deepest insecurities and vulnerabilities. They create an image of strength and superiority, masking the feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that lurk beneath the surface.

However, behind the facade of self-importance there is often a troubled inner world. Beneath the layers of self-importance and arrogance lies a fragile soul yearning for acceptance and validation.

5. To have a relationship with another person, you need to have a relationship with yourself.

This quote highlights the importance of self-awareness and self-acceptance in building meaningful connections with others. Healthy relationships are based on mutual understanding, respect, and empathy, all of which stem from a strong sense of self-worth. Without a strong relationship with oneself, people may find it difficult to communicate effectively, set boundaries, or maintain intimacy in their relationships with others. Therefore, developing self-awareness and self-love is essential to fostering meaningful interpersonal connections.

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6. I have found the key to the mystery of life: first, to desire what is necessary, second, to love what is desired.

To navigate life’s twists and turns, we must first understand what is truly necessary. We must remove distractions and illusions, focusing our attention on the essential aspects of existence. When we show deep and abiding love for what we desire, our actions become purposeful and passionate. Love imbues our efforts with meaning and significance, transforming simple desires into sincere aspirations.

7. Each person must determine for himself how much truth he can bear.

Each of us must embark on a journey of self-discovery to determine how much truth we can tolerate. The truth may be uncomfortable or even painful. We must confront our fears and insecurities, challenging the ideas we have created about ourselves and the world around us.

Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to truth. Each person must chart their own course, navigating the depths of their own consciousness and determining which truths they are willing to face.

8. One way or another, any relationship ends sooner or later. There is no lifetime guarantee.

It’s a sobering realization, an acknowledgement that no relationship is guaranteed to last forever. Whether it’s separation, loss, or the passage of time, every relationship eventually ends. And while this reality may evoke feelings of sadness or foreboding, it also calls us to embrace life’s impermanence with grace and acceptance.

Understanding that relationships are finite makes us cherish the moments we spend with our loved ones, enjoying the laughter, tears, and shared memories. It encourages us to communicate openly and honestly, expressing our love and appreciation for each other unconditionally.

9. It is wrong to give birth to children under the influence of need, it is wrong to use children to fill your loneliness, it is wrong to give meaning to your life by bringing into the world another copy of yourself.

Bringing a child into the world solely out of personal need or loneliness does a disservice to both the child and yourself. Children are not meant to fill emotional voids or the desires of their parents. They deserve to be received with love and support, where their needs are put above all else.

Every child is a unique individual with their own hopes, dreams and aspirations. They should not be burdened with having to meet the unmet needs or expectations of their parents.

10. Many marriages break up because, instead of caring for each other, partners use each other as a means of coping with their isolation.

Marriage is a sacred bond built on love, trust, and mutual support. Many marriages fail not because of a lack of love, but because partners unintentionally use each other as a remedy for their own feelings of loneliness. However, true intimacy requires open communication and deep concern for each other’s emotional well-being. Healthy relationships require genuine care and empathy for each other, not using the other person as a simple solution to personal insecurity or loneliness.

I wonder what you think about beliefs? Which quote did you like the most? Share in the comments.