Narcissism remains one of the hottest topics on the internet. Many are coming to realize that, in their lives, they have been a victim of this vicious personality type. Everyone gets labelled a narcissist these days, including parents, partners, children, and anyone else who passes the bar for even minor self-centered behavior.
We are comfortable calling out the narcissists in our lives and exposing their traits. We are even comfortable showing the emotional wounds they have left behind. Self-exploration often stops there, though. We rarely discuss what exists on the other end of the spectrum…echoism.
A tragic fall from passion.
The term echoism is coined from the Ancient Greek story of Echo and Narcissus. Cursed by Hera to repeat only the last words said to her, Echo was a mountain nymph who fell in love with the handsome Narcissus. She followed him around, craving his love, but the handsome hunter was interested only in himself. When he died staring at his own reflection, Echo wasted away in devastation, leaving nothing but her voice behind.
The story of the two lovers ended in tragedy (as so many Greek myths do) and it became an apt metaphor for the relationship which so often exists between narcissists and their victims.
Echoism is a heartbreaking fall from passion. Found most often in those who have experienced extensive narcissistic abuse, it involves a separation of the self and a desperate desire not to fall into the patterns of their narcissistic abusers.
It lies on the polar end of the narcissistic spectrum, opposite those who exhibit the full-fledged symptoms of malignant narcissism. The person who is dealing with echoism is captured by fear. They don’t want to become their abuser, so they learn to put themselves intentionally to the rear of their own lives.
Where the narcissist craves the validation of the spotlight, the echoist avoids feeling special at all costs. They make themselves small and put themselves in the background to avoid becoming the monster under their own bed.
The life-altering symptoms of echoism.
It seems trivial to those who haven’t lived under the cloud of echoism. The symptoms of echoism, however, can have life-altering consequences for those who are trapped in the pattern. It’s a lot more than a shattered self-esteem. When you are mired down in Echo’s tragic game of hide-call-and-repeat, you force yourself into the smallest box possible, hoping to find love and acceptance.
While the overall experience of echoism can manifest differently in everyone, the general symptoms usually include:
Extraordinary empathy
Total fear of personal praise
Inability to recognize personal needs
Refusal to ask others for help
Avoiding becoming a “burden” at all costs
Actively reject outward validation
Prioritizing “getting along” over honesty
Inability to set healthy boundaries
Internalizing all blame, all the time
Avoiding attention-seeking behaviors
People pleasing before personal pleasing
Narcissists must exist at the center of everyone’s lives around them. They want to exist in the minds, hearts, and souls of the people in their lives at all times. But the person who survives them learns to associate this kind of behavior with the negative fallout that always accompanies it.
The echoist is disgusted and uncomfortable at the thought of becoming the center of attention. Both consciously and subconsciously, they shove themselves down the bottom of the barrel and then fight viciously to keep themselves there.
They would rather be invisible than risk rejection. They would rather work to meet everyone else’s needs, to avoid the personal needs which would make them happy. Fundamentally, they don’t believe they deserve this level of happiness. They’re always waiting for the narcissistic hammer to fall back down on them.
How we break the cycle of echoism.
Make no mistake, those who exhibit signs of echoism have been conditioned, in a way. Those programs run deep and become an almost natural reaction to the stress we experience in life. Programs can be rewritten and patterns can be broken, though. One doesn’t have to live in the shadows like tragic Echo. It’s possible to break the spell and speak your truth.
Understanding the spectrum
Echoists engage in all-or-nothing thinking much like a narcissist. They think any bit of self-centering is wrong, but that’s simply not the case. Narcissism is a spectrum, and it’s a natural part of human evolution. Narcissistic traits separate us from the lemmings. There is a healthy level of narcissism one can adopt in life. To overcome echoism, this “healthy narcissism” must be embraced.
Lean into celebration
One of the enormous problems with echoism is the inability of those with it to celebrate themselves. They minimize all that is good within themselves, just to make sure they don’t draw too much attention. While it’s good not to crave the constant heat of the spotlight, it’s also important to acknowledge your strengths and to celebrate your victories. That’s why it has to become a part of the echoist’s healing journey. Find the balance.
High-quality connections
It’s no surprise that those with echoism often repeat the narcissistic relationships that drove them down. Many of their other connections can be just as selfish and one-sided. This pattern isn’t forever. It can be changed consciously by seeking out those who don’t make you feel like a burden. Forming higher quality social connections with empathetic people makes it easier to ask for help.
Letting the light in
More than anything else, those who struggle with echoism have to learn to let the light in. For most, that means letting the world in to help, letting it see your vulnerability. If you simply can’t move that last obstacle, you must reach out your hand and call on those who can. Perhaps in the shape of a qualified professional, or someone you simply know you can trust deeply.
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Do you see the shades of echoism in your own life? Don’t fade away into the background like that tragic nymph of old. Take steps now to recover your self-pride and the sense of celebration in your life. Everyone deserves to be acknowledged for the work they do in this life, if by no one else than the people they strive for.
If you see yourself in these words, then see this as your call to action. This is your chance to take a different path. It’s a choice to see yourself in a new light. Shed the shadows of echoism and step into the light of a life filled with connection.
Been there and it was very hard to find myself again. A good trauma therapist and ketamine therapy got me through and helped me rebuild my life and self worth. If there is one thing a narcissist is very good at it is making another feel like they are completely worthless and disposable. Narcissist are pure evil
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