Toxic Or Terrific? These 5 Questions Can Help You Decode The People In Your Life

Most of us don't have a sorting hat, so this handy little guide can help.

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Dealing with people is a fact of life. Even in isolation, you have to interact on some level.

We all have jobs, friends, family, and love interests at some point or another. As we navigate the thousands of relationships we'll have, there's always one crucial question.

Is this person good or bad for me?

It seems simple enough, but it's amazing how many toxic people we only realize were toxic after the fact.

Only after we've broken up, quit the job, left the friendship, or distanced ourselves do we look back and say, "Wow, that person messed with my head."

Wouldn't it be great if there was a barometer to use in real-time to figure it out from the start when we're not sure?

I grew up in a very toxic environment, and one of the consequences was that I didn't develop a sense of self-respect.

Because of this, I couldn't tell if other people were bad for me because disrespect was all I knew.

So I had to develop a system to act as a check on my judgment.

As I navigated the relationships that came and went, I boiled it down to five questions. They gave me the answers I needed so I wouldn't have to trust my feelings because my feelings usually led me to the wrong people.

Whether you're taking stock or taking names, here are some questions to ask yourself when deciding who is terrific and who is toxic in your life.

These questions can help you figure it out:

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Are they helpful or hurtful?

Toxic people are hurtful. Sometimes they're nice to everyone, but you. They do things intentionally to make you feel bad.

They may offer to help you in front of everybody else, but they won't when it comes time to follow through. These types always have an excuse or a reason not to help, and if they do, they'll do it in a passive-aggressive way and then undermine or make you feel bad or guilty.

Their help will rarely come without strings.

Hurtful people always seem to make your life harder in some way.

Helpful people offer and then follow through. They do what they say and say what they do. They're kind and make your life easier.

Do they push your buttons or protect your feelings.

If someone is toxic, they push your buttons on purpose if they know what they are.

They'll bring up something embarrassing from years ago just because they know it'll humiliate you.

If you have issues that make you feel triggered or vulnerable, they'll be sure to keep those on tap.

Someone who doesn't protect your triggers or respond sensitively to them is 100% toxic.

A toxic person exploits your weaknesses and issues

They know what upsets you and make it worse. If someone in your life uses your sore spots against you, that person is toxic.

Someone who knows your sore spots and actively avoids them has empathy.

That person is healthy and good for you.

Are they callous or comforting?

Toxic people don't want you to feel better, so they won't comfort you if you're feeling raw or down.

They tell you to stop imagining things, stop being so sensitive, or to get over it.

They're purposely obtuse and unsympathetic when it comes to your feelings.

They invalidate your feelings and criticize you for even having them.

Someone comforting will see that you need a little extra TLC and give it to you.

Do they make you feel crazy or calm?

Toxic people are great at gaslighting. It's one of their best weapons.

They get you to work against yourself and question your sanity.

Because if you think you're crazy, you won't be noticing them making you crazy.

Toxic people love to cause suffering in others. It makes them feel powerful.

If someone toxic can mess up your life and make you think you're crazy, then have you look to them for security and answers they will.

If you constantly question yourself when you're with someone, that's a bad sign.

So try to notice how people make you feel.

If one person brings out the crazy in you more than anyone else, they're probably toxic.

If someone makes you feel calm, then chances are they are a good influence, especially if they bring out your inner strengths and personal power.

Do they fill you with joy or drain your emotional resources?

Sometimes it's just that easy.

Does anyone in your life suck the joy from your very bones the minute you see them or hear their voice? Does even getting a text from them set off your depression?

If this is the case, they're probably toxic.

When people are good for you, they make you happy and up the joy factor. Conversely, if they sap you of any good feelings, then they're probably toxic.

Look at it like getting an emotional rash from exposure.

Someone who fills you with joy is a positive force in your life and gives you the right kind of reaction.

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When toxic people enter your orbit, you can question your sanity instead of trusting your instincts and get trapped in a damaging relationship.

This is especially true if you were surrounded by unhealthy people in your childhood.

If only we had real-life sorting hats to help see the inner workings of the people around us, life would be a lot simpler and much easier. But unfortunately, most of us will never get to Hogwarts.

By using these questions, you can help identify the toxic people in your life before they can take a toll and take stock of the terrific people too.

Even though you can't always avoid toxic people, at least if you know what you're up against, you can take steps to protect yourself and find solutions for the problems they create.

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