"Coldplay can't be number one every week."
So said Joe Root after England succumbed to an eight-wicket defeat to Sri Lanka in their final Test of the 2024 home season. His point being that their style is such that, while they have reeled off five wins in a row, results like this are "going to happen from time to time".
It's not quite how recording artists operate, of course. Certainly not a band who, if they were so inclined, could industrialise the production of their cookie-cutter tear-jerkers. One thing Coldplay do, however, is sell out stadiums, which England have not this summer. The Kia Oval was only a third full for what is usually a showpiece event in the calendar.
To be fair to England, that's not so much on them. Inclement weather and broadly uneven Tests have contributed to an unspectacular home season. Prevalent themes include underfunded opposition and overpriced ticketing.
And yet at the same time, few summers have been this transitional as new blood was sourced to build towards the 2025-26 Ashes. Such has been the rate of change, the average age of England's XI at the Oval was 26, compared to 32 for the corresponding 2023 Ashes fixture. In pursuit of Bazball refinement, England gave us a Bratball summer.
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James Anderson knew something was up when all of Ben Stokes, Brendon McCullum and Rob Key invited him to a Manchester hotel in April. Good news is rarely delivered by three messengers.
The meeting itself lasted 90 minutes, not that Anderson was oblivious to what was to be discussed before he walked through the door. England's greatest ever bowler, fresh from breaching the 700 Test wickets mark, was being put out to pasture .
Lord's would be the farewell, creating a peculiar atmosphere around the season opener against West Indies . On the one hand, Anderson hated the fuss of his 188th and final Test appearance, though did grow to enjoy it. On the other, it acted as a neat distraction for those taking the team forward in a post-Anderson world.
Shoaib Bashir played his first home Test after an impressive tour of India was followed by a loan move from Worcestershire to Somerset for first-team action. The Surrey duo of Gus Atkinson , a quick with just 19 first-class appearances to his name, and Jamie Smith , picked as wicketkeeper despite not doing the job for his county, made their debuts. All three were ever-presents for the summer.
Bashir came off a "thanks for coming" appearance in that first Test to bowl England to victory over West Indies at Trent Bridge . Second-innings figures of 5 for 41 made him the youngest English spinner to take a five-wicket haul at home, which also happened to be his third outright.
Atkinson started with a bang, taking 12 for 106 in his first outing - the best figures for an Englishman on Test debut since 1890 - turning Anderson's grand closing into his grand opening. A return to Lord's against Sri Lanka brought with it another five-wicket haul, as well as completing the honours board set with a maiden Test century. All in, 34 dismissals at 20.17 represents an exceptional home summer. Particularly given Atkinson's front-on, into-the-pitch action, along with his scrambled stock ball, which sets him apart from traditional English seamers.
It was perhaps Smith who was the real find. The 24-year-old made the earliest impression - ultimately, by doing nothing at all. With McCullum and Stokes maintaining their stance on leaving training attendance in the hands of the individuals, Smith, ahead of his first cap, decided on having the day off.
It was a bold call for someone ahead of such a big moment in their career. But with the team announced 48 hours early, Smith informed Stokes that he felt he had done all his necessary preparation and could probably do with a more relaxed lead-in. The skipper was impressed by the clarity, and, though he would not judge, the bravery of the call. Smith went out and strummed 70 in his maiden Test knock.
A century would come at Old Trafford against Sri Lanka after a near-miss in his previous knock against West Indies. And with 23 catches to go with his 487 runs, Smith has rectified a problem position. The keeping conundrum of Jonny Bairstow or Ben Foakes has been solved swiftly and with remarkable distinction.
It's worth noting that all three youngsters have encountered challenges. Smith, a three-format player, noted the grind of Test cricket is something he must manage, even if it had not caught up with him just yet.
"Looking back on these six matches has been a learning experience for me of just day-to-day how I need to go about things, in terms of preparation," he said. "There's quite a quick turnaround between games.
"So [it's] almost, 'what do I need to do to be ready?' It's a slightly unique situation that I've been full at it since back in April, and played nine Championship games in the lead up to these six Test matches. So it's 15 first-class games, plus the T20s and the Hundred. It's been a lot."
By the last Test at the Kia Oval, Atkinson's pace was noticeably down, in part because of a thigh injury that has subsequently seen him rested for the upcoming ODI series with Australia . From a technical point of view, Bashir's lack of "go-to" ball is something he needs to work on.
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With six Tests still to come this year, split evenly between Pakistan and New Zealand, such learnings will have to come on duty. McCullum and Stokes are keen to hot-house talent within the confines of the Test squad, as much because of the proximity of the next Ashes and the fact they believe their environment promotes accelerated progress.
Josh Hull is the latest example of that. After being called up to replace Mark Wood - now out until the new year - Hull spent a week grooving in the Lord's nets.
Just seven weeks after walking out at the same venue, Anderson was back on the Nursery Ground. This time, as the team's bowling consultant, fine-tuning a kid born 15 months after he made his Test debut.
Tall, left-arm, but with a Division Two bowling average of 182.50 this season, Hull needed work. Anderson set about shaving off a couple of rough edges. A slightly skittish run-up was tidied. An alignment at the crease that led a collapsed front leg was adjusted.
There was nothing overly technical, but enough for Hull to shine in the lead-up to the final Test of the summer and sneak a spot in the XI. Impressing McCullum and Stokes with his movement and bounce helped, as well as a handy spell against stand-in captain Ollie Pope in the nets.
Three wickets, all in the first innings, showcased promise, though the rawness was evident throughout with a lack of control. Nevertheless, a spot for Hull on the tour of Pakistan came through on Tuesday. England are keen on an extra month to polish, believing they are onto something special.
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The flipside of introducing new faces is saying goodbye to old ones. Broad, Anderson, Bairstow and Foakes, staples of the first two years of McCullum's era, are already fading in the rearview mirror.
Dan Lawrence, a passenger for the last 18 months, has been dropped off after unsuccessfully moonlighting as an opener in the absence of Zak Crawley. Jordan Cox , four years Lawrence's junior, is now riding spare.
The other knock-on effect comes within. Established players like Pope and Harry Brook have been shifted up in responsibility. In turn, the acting skipper and vice for Sri Lanka's tour have been shunted into intriguing junctures as far as their Test careers are concerned. Neither can rest on "figuring things out" around more inexperienced company.
By the end, England called upon 16 players during the Test season. Of the 15 still active, only six have experience in Australian conditions. It speaks to the volume of change, but also the need to try different things ahead of the next Ashes to rectify consecutive 5-0, 4-0 and 4-0 losses.
As such, the value of this near-perfect home season against imperfect opposition is something of an unknown. It may not have been a memorable summer, but it could be remembered fondly depending on how things pan out in two winter's time.
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