Dallas Cowboys kicker Brandon Aubrey is on pace to kick 763 field goals, one for every point his defense allows in the first month of the season.
These and other nauseating trends were on display Sunday as the Cowboys didn’t bother wasting our time to further raise our hopes and expectations. The Cowboys needed just two weeks of this 2024 regular season to reach peak “playoff performance.”
On Sunday afternoon, quarterback Derek Carr and his New Orleans Saints put on a Jordan Love and a Green Bay Packers caliber whippin’ on the Cowboys, 4 4-19.
In the Cowboys’ last two meaningful games at AT&T Stadium, they’ve allowed an average of 46 points per game.
Before introducing you to the many “highlights” from an afternoon of historically hellish Cowboys football, know that defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer was never the savior he was advertised. The return of Zim’ to his familiar role as defensive coordinator to replace Dan Quinn was the worst case of false advertising.
Many, if not all, of the problems the Packers exposed in their blowout win over the Cowboys in the 2023 NFC wildcard game in Arlington are still there. Changing a coordinator, or a scheme, can’t fix personnel issues in the front seven.
As good and impressive as the Cowboys defense looked in their Week 1 win at Cleveland, what they did seven days later was equally grand. It was almost as if the Cowboys changed out every single player on defense.
Cowboys defenders DeMarcus Lawrence, Micah Parsons, DeMarvion Overshown, Eric Kendricks, Trevon Diggs and the rest of the unit were terrible. All of the interior defensive linemen were worse.
The Saints came to town featuring veteran journeyman quarterback Derek Carr, whom the Cowboys made look like Arch Manning. Not Archie Manning. Arch, the grandson, who should be the starting quarterback at the University of Texas, but that’s another column.
With little effort, and even less pressure, Carr threw for 243 yards on 11 completions with a pair of touchdown passes.
The Saints came to town featuring veteran running back Alvin Kamara, whom the Cowboys made look like a prime Barry Sanders. With little effort, Kamara made all of his Fantasy Football owners thrilled for a day by rushing for 115 yards with three touchdowns. Just for fun, he added another TD on a 57-yard reception.
The Saints as a team ran for 190 yards.
Wanna get away? The Cowboys defense couldn’t.
Sunday was another example of an offense that is from the San Francisco 49ers’ Kyle Shanahan “coaching tree” that has hammered the Cowboys defense; 49ers, Packers, Saints, they’re all running the same offense that the Cowboys can’t stop.
The Saints scored 35 first-half points, which tied for the most points allowed by a Cowboys defense in franchise history. If you’re going to be this bad, at least get the record.
The Saints reached 41 points needing only four third-down plays. The Cowboys didn’t stop the Saints on a third-down play until the 9:47 mark of the fourth quarter. That led to another Sunday miracle - a Saints punt.
Not a single, or married, Cowboys defender made a play until safety Donovan Wilson intercepted a Carr pass with 12:04 remaining in the game. It was not as if the play was a result of a Cowboys’ pressure; the pass was off the finger tips of Saints receiver Chris Olave, and Wilson was in the right place.
There was nothing a Cowboys defender did on Sunday that was anything other than “BAD.”
“To me, it had nothing to do with scheme,” Parsons said in the locker room after the game. “I wouldn’t say I am concerned right now. It’s early.
“Film tells all. I can’t wait to see the film.”
This film figures to be as successful as the latest Kevin Costner’s new Western, “Horizon.” Expect the film to be as entertaining as “Packers at Cowboys, 2023 NFC Wild Card game.”
What went down on Sunday was a sequel to the last time the Cowboys played a meaningful home game, Jan. 14 against the Packers in the playoffs. The Packers won that game, 48-32. The Cowboys defense was run over in both games, and quarterback Dak Prescott, receiver CeeDee Lamb and their buddies on offense couldn’t keep up.
They moved the ball, didn’t score touchdowns when they had to, and settled for Aubrey field goals. At this point, Aubrey deserves a statue next to Tom Landry outside AT&T Stadium.
“We’re talking two completely different teams. A whole different defensive coordinator. You’re talking new players in new different positions, particularly on offense,” Prescott said when discussing if there are similarities to the loss to the Saints and Packers. “Completely different and separate.
“I wouldn’t waste my time if I was you all trying to compare those two.”
The QB doth protest too much.
Even his former head coach, Jason Garrett, who is now an analyst for NBC, said during the network’s telecast, “It felt a lot like the last time the Cowboys played at AT&T Stadium in that playoff loss to Green Bay.”
The defensive coordinator is different. There are new players. They are different teams.
The results look painfully similar.
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