Valerie Jarrett, chief executive of the Obama Foundation, doesn’t really believe in work-life balance. “This notion of work-life balance, I think, sets us up for disappointment,” she said at the Fortune Most Powerful Women summit in Laguna Niguel, Calif., on Tuesday.
Life is chock-full of chapters, she said, and in every one there will be trade-offs and challenges. Raising children is one that typically impacts women and their work in a dramatically different way than it does for men. Men, for instance, don’t have to explain work-life balance and how they handle it all, while women are often asked to weigh in on the matter for the benefit of other women. In Jarrett's experience, when she was younger, “I felt…like I was holding on by my fingertips.” Years ago, while she was working at a law firm, she even hid her pregnancy for pretty much as long as she could.
“I didn’t tell anybody I was pregnant until I was six months pregnant,” Jarrett said. “I gained so much weight, I was obviously pregnant, but I was afraid if I talked about it nobody would take me seriously, and that was the way the environment was back then.”
From carrying a child at work to then becoming a mom, the challenge evolved along as her child grew.
When she had to take her kid to a doctor appointment, Jarrett would say she had a meeting. It’s something she looks back on now and asks why, particularly given that men don’t seem to operate in the same way. Her advice for all the powerful women in the room? Make informed decisions, don’t feel as though you’re compromising, be realistic about what you can and can’t do, and own those decisions. “You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first,” Jarrett said.
“This notion of balance sets you up to think that you can have it all at the same time,” she said moments later. That simply isn’t true, so instead, consider that when you look back on your life, you’ll want to ask yourself if you built relationships, did you allot time and space for those you care about? Sometimes that means giving up other things. When Jarrett had her child, her friends were partying all night, sometimes in Europe, and she’d be at home. She made the decision to have the baby, so she knew what she’d miss out on, Jarrett explained. But now they’re paying college tuition, and she isn’t, she quipped. “Just be intentional about your life and try not to put too much pressure on yourself,” because you don’t have to have it all, all at the same time, she said.
Jarrett was a senior advisor to the former president before helming the Obama Foundation. It’s under construction, but will reside on a 19-acre campus on the South Side of Chicago, where she grew up and where the Obamas began their life together—but it isn’t open just yet. When it opens, it’ll house the presidential museum, a public library, a forum for gatherings, and an athletic center that goes beyond sports, walking trails, and fruit and vegetable gardens.
It’ll also have a spot for sledding because former First Lady Michelle Obama always wanted to go sledding. “It will be not only an economic engine for Chicago, but a beacon of hope for the world,” Jarrett said.
This story was originally featured on Fortune.com
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