Your Kids Use Screens the Way You Do

Happy family sitting on sofa and using laptopPhoto byWavebreakMediaMicro / Adobe Stock

Every evening, my wife and I transform our living room into a mini command center, each of us armed with a smartphone, tablet, and the occasional laptop. “Look at this meme,” she’ll say, not looking up from her screen, while I’m deep into a rabbit hole of UFC videos. Our two sons, Alvin and Jordan, are always within earshot, absorbing our digital rituals like sponges.

It’s not surprising then, that I caught Alvin, our eldest, giving a PowerPoint presentation on why he needs an Instagram account. “Dad, all the cool kids are on it,” he declared, mimicking the persuasive tone I’ve used during countless gadget negotiations with my wife.Jordan, our youngest, isn’t far behind. He’s already a pro at swiping through YouTube shorts, pausing only to ask, “Can we get a new game like the one I saw on that ad?”

Last weekend, I walked into the kitchen to find both boys face-to-face, not speaking, just texting each other from across the table.Alvin looked up and grinned, “We’re practicing for when we have to talk to girls.” My wife laughed from her spot by the coffee maker, phone in hand, scrolling through Pinterest. It’s clear:our digital habits are contagious, and our kids are the perfect little mirrors of our screen-filled lives.

Most parents realize that their own behavior influences their kids more than when they tell their kids to do (or not to do) something. They may not want to admit it, but they know it.

Most parents probably know, deep down, that how much time they spend online and interacting with screens sends a louder message to their kids than telling them they need to go play outside or read a book.

A new study published in the journalPediatric Researchreveals that this truth certainly applies to adolescents’ use of screens. The study’s authors interviewed more than 10,000 American 12- and 13-year-olds (and their parents) and concluded thatparent screen use was one of the factors that could be associated with “higher adolescent problematic screen use.”

Kids’ online behavior is influenced by many factors

The recent findings on online behavior, published in an article titled “Associations between media parenting practices and early adolescent screen use,” focus particularly on behaviors and factors that contribute to “problematic” screen use by young teens.

What is meant by “problematic” screen use?

For the purpose of their study, the authors considered screen use to be “problematic” when it was accompanied by “addiction-like traits” (the user wanted to use devices more often), if the user was unable to use their device less, if they used the device or online time to alter their mood, or if their use of technology disrupted their daily functioning.

There are many parental behaviors and factors that encourage (or discourage) such “problematic” screen time usage.

The main finding of this study was that kids had more problematic “social media, video games, and mobile phone use” when their parents more frequently used screens and devices in front of and with their children. The study also found that the use of screens or devices during mealtimes or by kids in their bedrooms was positively linked with similar problematic behaviors online.

Two other parental behaviors were similarly found to have an effect on kids’ device usage. The children of parents who offered screen time as rewards for good behavior also scored higher on problematic device use surveys. However, where parents were more engaged in monitoring how their children used their devices and interacted with their social media accounts, young teens reported having a healthier relationship with their tech.

Learning from more than 10,000 adolescents

The survey participants who answered researchers’ questions about their online habits were children who took part in the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development (ABCD) Study.

This study first began in 2016, when its more than 10 thousand respondents were 9 and 10 years old. Researchers then followed up with the original participants from 2019–2022, when their subjects were aged 12 and 13. The study included individuals from different sites across the United States.

This study is currently the “longest long-term study of brain development and child health in the United States.” It was undertaken to help understand how kids’ experiences interact with their biology to affect their brain development.

Of particular interest to researchers in this study have been how experiences like sports, technology use, and sleep and health patterns affect both kids’ brains and their overall well-being. More than 1000 academic papers have been written and shared based on the study’s data.

How can parents have a positive influence on their kids’ screen use and time?

Screens, social media, and technology are here to stay. The best part about this study of adolescents’ behavior is that it gives parents so many ideas for how they can have a positive influence on their kids’ online behavior.

The study’s authors highlightthe importance of parents first understanding their own online behaviors. The finding that many kids and teens mirror–or mimic–their parents’ screen use, proves that parents who make an effort to only engage with screens with purpose (rather than “scrolling” when bored) might model that habit for their children as well.

Experts also agree that healthy sleep is vital to teen brain development, and that parents can have a large effect on that variable. By encouraging their kidsnot to use their devices either in their beds or for a set period of time before bedtime, parents can vastly improve their adolescents’ abilities to fall and stay asleep.

When interviewed about this study, one pediatrician noted, “Of the different parenting practices that we examined, the one that had the most significant effect waslimiting bedtime screen use.”

Don’t despair. Forevery headlinesuggesting there’s a link between poor mental health and teens’ use of social media, there are studies like this one, proving that helping kids and their developing brains can be as simple as implementing a “no devices at mealtimes” rule.

Our house is a digital circus.My wife and I, consummate screen junkies, set the tone. “Dad, can I have screen time?” our youngest asks, mimicking my earlier request to his mother for “just five more minutes” on my phone. The irony isn’t lost on me as I juggle three devices while giving him the nod.

My oldest son has mastered the art of multitasking, much like his mother. One evening, I found him sprawled on the couch, laptop on his knees, tablet in one hand, and phone in the other. “What’s up, mate?” I asked. Without missing a beat, he replied, “Just handling business, Dad,” echoing his mum’s mantra every time I ask her about her endless online shopping.

Even family dinners have become a tech battleground. My wife and I used to sneak glances at our screens under the table until our boys caught on. Now, they’re experts at the covert screen glance. “Put it away,” I say, knowing full well where they learned that trick. My wife smirks, and I can’t help but laugh at the mini versions of ourselves we’ve unwittingly created.

Kids do as you do. Do what you can to implement your own healthy online and screen habits, and your kids will follow where you lead.