Advancing age and the accompanying decline in mental acuity and physical strength have been discussed a lot lately — especially when the 2024 presidential election featured two of the oldest candidates in history until President Joe Biden withdrew his candidacy in July.
However, many senior citizens are leading active and productive lives. I am 84 years old and in good health, both mentally and physically. I can’t say for certain why I’m in such good shape, but I attribute it to certain routines I have followed over the years.
I have stayed pretty self-sufficient and don’t like people prejudging what I can and cannot do because of my age. A few years ago, when I was in my late 70s, my daughter’s childhood friend visited us with her husband. One day, we needed to take something down from a high shelf. I walked to the garage and brought out a stepladder. The husband immediately reacted as if I had done something wrong.
“Uncle,” he said, “you should not be doing this at your age.” I told him I was perfectly capable, but he proceeded to take the ladder from me and get the item.
Two Decembers ago, a young relative stayed with us for a few days. One morning, I made tea and brought it to her at our breakfast table.
“What is this?” she said. “You sit. I will make breakfast.”
I told her that I make breakfast every day. I have been doing this and other household chores for years. I am not going to stop just because I am getting old.
Here’s my take on living a satisfactory and long, healthy life. I am not, by any means, an expert on anything — these are my thoughts based on how I am living my life and why I think it is helping me.
The author and his wife, Bharati, visited Machu Picchu in Peru in October 2016.
1. Don’t procrastinate on doing what you want to do.
My wife and I have always made time to vacation in different parts of the world, focus on hobbies and learn new skills.
In just the past 18 months, we witnessed the glory of lavender fields in full bloom in France, ziplined in Costa Rica and cruised along the Chilean Fjords to Argentina. In earlier travels, we visited much of Western Europe, almost all of South America, plus South Africa and Zambia. We have visited the ends of the three continents — Kanyakumari in India, Cape of Good Hope in Africa and Cape Horn in South America. We have seen Niagara Falls, Victoria Falls and recently, Iguazu Falls. Our bucket list has reached rock bottom. If something pops up in the future, we will take the opportunity. But we feel fulfilled.
When I posted some of our travel photos, one of my nephews said, “Uncle, I am impressed by your enthusiasm, curiosity, and energy in traveling to all these wonderful places at your age. You are an octogenarian nomad.”
Our lives have been enriched by all this travel. We met interesting people who are gardeners, artists, book lovers and foodies, just like us. We made long-lasting friendships. I can’t imagine what my life would be if I just stayed put.
2. Love, trust and support your significant other.
In July, my wife Bharati and I celebrated our 54th wedding anniversary. After living so many years together, I have learned how love and appreciation grow because of shared experiences. Having been together for over half a century, through thick and thin, I think about the meaning and significance of our wedding vows.
We are both Hindus. In the Vedic wedding ceremony, there is a ritual of Saptapadi (seven steps around a fire, for the fire god) during which we made vows similar to “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.”
Looking back, I wonder how we survived our initial years after we were married, when we faced long odds. After our wedding, Bharati had to stay back in India when I returned to America. It took her one year to get her visa due to India’s government bureaucracy. After she arrived in the U.S., she had to acclimate to a new country far different from where she had lived.
All newlyweds have challenges when starting a new life together, but ours were exacerbated by the economic climate in the early 1970s. I graduated with a master’s degree in engineering from the University of Oklahoma. At the time, the country was in the grip of a severe recession. Large companies were laying off people. It took me more than two years to gain footing in a good job.
Our earnings were meager during this period, but we still enjoyed our life. In the following years, we suffered the loss of our first child to spina bifida and two difficult pregnancies a few years later. We recovered from all of this and had a reasonably successful middle-class life. I learned that when two people love, trust and support each other, things tend to work out.
The author and his wife, Bharati, pose together in Hyderabad, India, on their wedding day (July 1970).
3. Modify your lifestyle as your body changes.
Our bodies change as we get older, and we need to adjust. Don’t live in denial. We have to listen to our bodies as well as to doctors. If you have a problem with hearing, get a hearing aid. If you have a problem with balance, get a cane. I have one that converts to a chair so I can sit when I am tired of standing.
After doing chores for over 40 years, I now avoid doing stuff that may cause bodily harm, such as shoveling snow or mowing the lawn. I am extremely careful to avoid falls. After attending a regular yoga class for years, I have switched to chair yoga. I now use a recumbent bike instead of a regular one. And there is one new thing I have started doing that I never did in my younger years: I take an afternoon nap.
During our many travels, we came across many people using canes, walkers and wheelchairs who were able to take part in outdoor excursions. Their aging bodies didn’t stop them from enjoying their vacation.
4. Keep busy and intellectually occupied.
One of the challenges of retired life is staying occupied. Studies have shown that mentally stimulating work helps stave off dementia. That makes sense to me. There is plenty of time to fill. You can only watch so much TV. You have to find things that challenge your brain.
Just before I retired in my early 70s, I started learning Spanish. It’s my fourth language after Hindi, Marathi and English.
I watch Spanish telenovelas, and every Saturday, I attend a Zoom meetup group to practice speaking (I can make small talk). I come across new words during these meetings, but I soon forget them. It’s like remembering the names of strangers at parties.
“The inability to retrieve names, even those we know well, is a common complaint of aging,” a recent article in The Washington Post noted, adding that forgetfulness by itself is not a sign of cognitive issues.
I spend at least a couple of hours, Monday through Friday, engaged in writing-related activities: a new blog, brainstorming topics for a new piece, researching opportunities to publish. I have published a novel and have finished a second manuscript.
From left to right, the author's son Sachin, daughter-in-law Alka, granddaughter Ruhi, wife Bharati, daughter Sukanya, granddaughter Maya, grandson Kieran, the author, and son-in-law Ryan pose on vacation in November 2023. "We're ready for a zip-line adventure in Costa Rica!" he writes.
5. Make every day as productive as possible.
People often say I look younger than I am. I haven’t done anything special to achieve this feat. I am an ordinary man living an ordinary life, but I have created a specific structure to my life.
You might say my days are like those of Bill Murray in the movie “Groundhog Day”: I get up, read the paper, exercise, take an after-lunch nap, write for a couple of hours, and then spend my night reading books (mostly fiction) and magazines like Writer’s Digest, Poets & Writers, and the New Yorker while watching TV. It’s nothing too extraordinary, but I have been consistent.
I’ve never followed any diet. I eat and drink what I want, in moderation. I have been mostly a vegetarian, although we occasionally eat poultry and seafood, but never red meat. I’ve never smoked, despite the temptation.
For a number of years, I did the 15 minutes of daily exercise recommended by the Royal Canadian Air Force . This consisted of sun salutes, push-ups, squats, and in-place jogging. I worked in an office for 40 years and I made a point of taking a walk every day at lunch — even when it was freezing cold outside. My colleagues would ask, “Did you do your daily constitutional walk even today?” After retirement, I joined a gym to continue my exercise routine.
I haven’t played any demanding sports or participated in marathons that resulted in injury or long-term health issues. This is by no means a criticism of those who do these things. I admire them. However, at the end of each day, I am content to have done something useful. Perhaps this discipline has contributed to my being in the good shape that I am. I accept the fact that sometimes illness comes without notice and for no reason. I guess I have been lucky as well.
From left to right: The author's son Sachin, daughter-in-law Alka, granddaughter Ruhi, wife Bharati, and the author explore the gardens of Indianapolis Museum of Art in October 2022.
6. Hang out with your friends.
Last year, Dr. Vivek Murthy released a new surgeon general advisory calling attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation and lack of connection in our country. It doesn’t have to be that way — and it doesn’t take much to combat it. Connection can be small talk with people we meet in a library, in an exercise class, or making a quick call to a friend or relative.
Making new friends and having a social circle has been great for my well-being. I met several nice people when I managed the Northern Virginia Writers Guild in my 70s. And I made friends with people who attend my Spanish-speaking meetup group. We invite them to our house for brunch from time to time.
My wife’s outgoing personality has helped us make friends in our neighborhood, too. We are part of a foodie group that goes out for lunch every month or so. Sometimes we meet our friends for happy hour. Some of our friends have been in our lives for over 40 years. Many of them have become like our extended family; we celebrate with them on joyous occasions and lean on them in times of trouble.
7. Don’t let conflict get to you.
Throughout our lives, we come across many different people, including parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, work colleagues and significant others, and tensions can arise when our views conflict with others. Disagreements can be triggered by just about anything — from what to eat for dinner or what movie to watch to (of course) politics — and it’s often hard to come to a consensus.
So, how do we maintain a good relationship over a long period? As Audrey Hepburn once said, “Happiness is health and a short memory!” What’s the use of keeping a grudge? Just forget it and go on with your life. If you don’t like what someone, including your spouse, says, you can have a cordial discussion instead of getting mad and throwing tantrums. Ultimately, relationships are a two-way street: We can’t control how another person behaves, we can only control our behavior.
The author and his wife, Bharati, visited Iguazu Falls in Brazil in March 2024.
Where do I go from here? I will keep living the way I now do. I worry about getting a lengthy illness because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. If my end has to come, let it come fast.
Sometimes I also worry about the safety of our children and grandchildren because there are so many crazy things happening around the world every day. However, you can’t live in a constant state of fear. If something happens, deal with it then. Enjoy your life as much as you can. That’s not a secret formula — it just helps to say it out loud every once in a while.
Ashok Shenolikar is a novelist, short-story writer, and essayist based in Ellicott City, Maryland. A retired engineer, his writing can be read on his blog, ashokshenolikar.com . His essays have been published in The Academy of Heart and Mind, The Pilcrow & Dagger and India Abroad. He managed the Northern Virginia Writer’s Guild Meetup from 2013 through 2019. His novel “ Choices They Made” is available in paperback and Kindle versions.
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