This Mom Went Mega Viral After Sharing An Alternative For Parents Who Don't Allow Their Kids To Attend Sleepovers

In a video reaching over 1 million viewers, Leann , a 35-year-old mom from Indiana, discussed how she navigated her 6-year-old daughter receiving her first invitation to a sleepover as a parent who isn't comfortable with her child attending.

In the video, Leann says that she "got a message with the birthday invitation saying it was going to be a sleepover," and "immediately knew that [her] daughter would not be allowed to do that."

Leann told Buzzfeed that the biggest influence on her decision not to allow her children to attend sleepovers was "working in public education as a teacher and school administrator."

She was "shocked to hear some of the horrendous experiences children had at sleepovers due to the hands or negligence of the adults or other children in their presence." When her daughter received the invitation, she had to "seriously assess" her "comfort level with her attendance at that time." She considered her daughter's "emotional maturity and did not think she was ready." In the video, she also mentioned that she wasn't singling out the other parents; the answer would have been "no," no matter who the invitation had come from.

Leann responded to the parents hosting the sleepover by telling them, "my daughter would love to celebrate your child's birthday, but she's not able to do sleepovers."

As an alternative, Leann says in the video that she told the other parents: "I could bring her over evening time of the party, and I'll come pick her up for sleeping at home — and I can bring her back in the morning if you're planning on doing any activities in the morning." And, she said, "the other parent was super sweet about it," sharing their plans for the party's events.

Then, Leann explained the situation to her daughter by telling her, "you're going to go to your friend's house to celebrate her birthday, but then at the end of the evening, some friends are gonna stay the night and sleep there, and some friends are gonna go home and sleep in their own bed. And you're gonna be one of those friends who goes home and sleeps in her own bed. But you're gonna get to go back in the morning and partake in all the fun stuff they do in the morning, too."

In the video, Leann mentions that she "thought this was easier said than done," because she "had a feeling it was gonna be really difficult" to get her daughter to leave if she was having fun at the party. But "she left and she was in a really good mood because she had had so much fun."

She closes the video by saying, "It's easy as parents to say 'absolutely no sleepovers,'" but "I found this time that taking my child in the evening, picking her up, taking her back in the morning has been a really easy process, and I'm glad it's the decision I made for now."

The video resonated with other moms who weren't quite sure how to navigate saying "no" to having their child stay the night at a sleepover, but still wanted to allow their child to join in on the fun. "The idea for taking her back in the morning is so good!" one commenter wrote. "Her being upset about missing the fun of the morning after would make things extra hard."

Leann's adaptation provided an option that allowed her daughter to attend the party with friends while still setting boundaries. "That's amazing. It's a great alternative so she is still part of the party and also safe. I love the idea. Thank you."

Some commenters disagreed with Leann's limitations, saying, "It's important to balance safety with independence and kids. But their independence will serve them so much better than their safety ever will."

Leann told Buzzfeed that her "biggest concern about sleepovers is that something irreparable will happen to my child, either physically or mentally." She "attended many sleepovers as a child with little to no restrictions by my parents," and said she was "lucky enough not to have had a particularly bad experience" that influenced her decision.

Phyllis Fagell, a school counselor and author of Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond – and How Parents Can Help , thinks boundaries are just as important as independence. Fagell told USA Today "There's a fine line between raising kids who understand things like good touch, bad touch, when to heed their spidey sense that something isn't safe, how to call home for help, when to extricate themselves from a bad situation and ... raising kids who are afraid to go out in the world."

Fagell says it's important to "make sure kids are alert, aware of their environment, that they're heeding the signs inside their body, that they're able to make good, safe, healthy decisions for themselves, but that they're not afraid to put themselves out there to meet new people, to take risks, to try new things."

If a parent decides not to allow their child to attend sleepovers, Fagell suggests validating the child's feelings. "Validating doesn't mean that you agree that they should get their way," Fagell said. "It just means that you understand, and you empathize." Fagell also says that "sleepunders" (staying at a friend's home late but eventually going home to sleep) are a practical option to meet your child's needs.

Fagel also said that children whose friends are not allowed to participate in sleepovers should be encouraged to practice acceptance and empathy. "One way that parents can teach their kids to embrace differences and to be a good friend is to help their child understand that not everyone has the same cultural experience. Not everybody views sleepovers the same way. That doesn't make that peer less than. It's an opportunity to really look for ways that you can include them, to keep them a part of the group, to not have them feeling left out."

As her daughter gets older, Leann will continue to evaluate sleepover invitations.

She said, "it will depend on the maturity of my children but also on the friends they're asking to stay with. A 'yes' for staying with one friend will not be the beginning of a green light for all sleepovers. I will always want to know the parents, siblings, and other friends who will be staying overnight along with my child."

She also told Buzzfeed, "My main consideration when determining when is right for my children to attend sleepovers is their emotional maturity."

Leann says she'll "consider things such as: will they feel comfortable telling an adult if they want to come home early (even if it's in the middle of the night), will they be confident enough to tell someone 'no' if someone is touching them or doing something that is inappropriate, will they even understand that what is happening to them is wrong and they should tell me about it (meaning will they be able to recognize coercion such as, 'I just need to check this to make sure you're okay. It's for your health.')"

Leann says she does "think it is important for children to have levels of independence" before "entering the 'real world.'" She says she "will need to trust my child and my parenting to prepare them to make the best decisions," but knows that "there will be growing pains and not every experience will go as smoothly as the one referenced in my video but we'll take on each situation as it comes our way and will work through it as a family."

If you'd like to keep up with Leann, you can follow her on TikTok .