I want to be heard!

Just saying this simple phrase “I want to be heard,” has different meanings to different people.

At its base meaning it means to the person saying it, that they feel invisible. Because deep down inside all they want is someone to acknowledge them, acknowledge their anxieties, and understand them, without judgment, which is basically to validate them.

Another example, is when someone says, “You are not hearing me!” The first thought is what happened in that conversation was that this person wasn’t heard, right? However, while this person is engaging in a conversation with another person, neither of them is in the conversation to be heard, but both are in the conversation to defend their position. How is this? While they are not actively listening in their conversations, they are each plotting and questioning the other person in the conversation with them. Meaning, when they are supposed to be listening what they are doing is thinking/pondering and trying to decide: Who’s wrong?”

It doesn’t stop there. It has been found that none of us listen to be impartial. We listen mainly to “defend.”

Yes, each individual is different, but generally, during a conversation, we internally have questions pop up in our mind asking: Who is right? This is then followed by: Who meant what? Who’s to blame? Etc.

So, before you know it no one’s voice is heard, and you’ve got a truckload of hurt feelings. Why? Because we make a faulty assumption when answering each of these questions.

And this is because difficult conversations are rarely about getting the facts right; but they are more about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values. They’re not about what is true but about what is important to the individual.

We must come to understand that each of us has a different perception, meaning we interpret, we understand differently. Therefore, we must come to an understanding or a desire to see the perceptions, interpretations, and values of both sides. Meaning, that we must make sense of how each of us is making sense of the world, conversations we are having, and so on.

The first thing to remember when you are having a conversation with another person is never to assume we know the intentions of others. Never assume the other party’s intentions are bad and always remember that intentions are complex.

Once you realize intentions are complex, you must also be aware that emotions play a role in our conversations. So, what you must do next is decide what to do with your emotions. Ask yourself how you will handle them. Why? Because strong emotions/strong feelings will arise.

What do we do with our emotions? How do we handle the strong feelings that will invariably arise?

Remember the old saying about the word “assume?” Think of this and remember don’t assume what was said was what was meant. Remember to disentangle intent and know that intentions are a huge part of how we judge others.

Our conversations with others are learning experiences so don’t just deliver a message that you believe will prove your point. Seek to get a mutual understanding of the points of view of others while you share your feelings and work together to find a solution to the problem. Or just stop to listen, to be present “Hearing what is being said by another person.”

You overcome the “negative” by first remembering to always take a deep breath before you “react.”

This deep breath can center you. Don’t worry about how it may look to others and take as many deep breaths as you need to focus your mind. Remember your “breath” or breathing always comes first, then comes your thoughts. Meaning you have a chance to focus, to think before you react. Next remembering the law of love. The law of love says. In every “negative” situation mentally align yourself with the “positive” and remember …Love makes everything easy. Faith makes everything possible and hope makes everything work.

Remember your life is a journey don’t get stuck on your life’s journey road. We will all be challenged. The challenges are the negative conversations or situations we may encounter with others as we walk our life’s journey. If we don’t let our emotions, thoughts, actions, and words get us tangled up in these “negative” situations or conversations, we can overcome them.

Note that this journey of seeking mutual understanding cannot be done overnight. Remember we are all a work in progress — learning to value one another is a job we could all try and do some extra homework. We can do this to get a greater understanding of our human condition and gain insight into our purpose and direction in life.

As you take your journey in this life, I wish you peace.

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