What Have You Done for You Lately?

Photo bymadison lavernonUnsplash

Are you the type of person who puts everyone else’s happiness and wellbeing first? Do you run around trying to do for others until you are exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally? Maybe it’s time to let all those other people fend for themselves for awhile while you recharge and rest. You have to make sure that any tiny humans and animals you are responsible are safe and well taken care of, but other than that you need to take back some of your time. Let me give you some examples.

Other people’s drama and negativity. Both things will drain the life out of you if you let them. Would you believe that some people prefer to be unhappy, and they thrive on drama? I choose peace, and you need to know that you do not have to engage in or solve someone else’s drama because what you help solve today will be something else tomorrow.

I have a family member who loves to escalate things to the next level. A small incident becomes a major problem in minutes. We used to have arguments all the time until one day I said, “You are going to have to create drama on your own because I’m done.” It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

We were checking out at a department store today, and you could hear one of the clerks laughing and wishing everyone a good day. When it was our turn, I thanked her for her attitude. She said, “You know, when someone says they are unhappy I ask them whose issues are they carrying?” Allow adults to work through their own problems.

Negativity can be different from drama. I know someone who always finds the dark cloud in a situation. He has dark moods and sees the worst always. I used to think I should try to cheer him up, then I realized it wasn’t my responsibility. I wasn’t the cause of his unhappiness, he was.

Create boundaries. I have been passive for too long in my life. I let others decide what we should do together, and where we should eat. When someone makes a hateful comment to me, I laugh it off to avoid conflict, but I am now being very clear about my wants and needs, and what I consider inappropriate treatment.

Guard your time. When I retired, I heard lots of people ask what I was going to do all day. They had no idea that at the end of each day, I needed several more hours to do everything I wanted. People assumed I was free all day, so they began asking me to do things like could I go bring a package inside, watch the children for a few minutes, or let the dog out. Several times, I have been running in the neighborhood when someone asks me to stop and help with something. Don’t get me wrong, I like helping out, but I don’t like the attitude that my time is available for everyone else’s use.

Don’t enable others. If you do too much for others they will begin to expect it, and you could be holding someone from growing in some way because he doesn’t have to manage things himself.

You have value. You are important and the world needs you. If you are exhausted all the time because you are giving to everyone except yourself, you won’t be as productive. Take care of yourself with the same love you would give to someone else.