Whose Issues Are You Trying to Solve?

Photo bycharlesdeluvioonUnsplash

Are you a people pleaser who wants to make everyone happy? Do you replay conversations over in your head wondering if you said something wrong? Do you drive yourself crazy trying to fix a relationship, or a situation? It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

We were at Marshalls today in a long checkout line. We could hear one of the clerks greeting each of her customers warmly. I thought what a difference a personality like can make to change people’s days. When it was our turn, I thanked the clerk for her positivity. She told me she always tried to be happy, and she chose peace. She said if someone was unhappy, she needed to ask whose issues are you carrying?

That comment resonated with me because I don’t think I am the only one who lets other people’s issues mess with mental health. Why do we take on other people’s junk instead of realizing that 90% of the time the issue or conflict is their own not ours? My husband is a master in this area. He doesn’t care what someone else thinks of him. His attitude is he will always try to be the best person he can be, and each person can choose to like him or not. If someone wants to judge him that isn’t his problem, or something he is going to waste time thinking about.

Realizing that you cannot fix someone else’s perception or issues, and letting go of what you cannot control is a step towards inner peace, and mental health. What are some conflicts in your relationships right now? Is there something in that conflict that you need to own, or can you let it go, and see it as something that is out of your control.