How to Practice Self-preservation

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If you are a people pleaser like me who can’t say no to anything or anyone you understand that you can be a target for those who want to take advantage of you. Do you feel awkward or uncomfortable when someone asks you for something? How can you protect yourself from people who want to take from you until you have no more to give? Here are a few ways to practice self-preservation with examples from my own experience.

When someone asks for money. I have a friend who struggles financially and will occasionally ask me to help out by giving her money. She always says she will pay me back, but that never happens. I helped her when I could, but once I did not have anything extra, and when I told her that, she said not to worry. She was only making sure she had some extra money for emergencies. Suffice it to say we discussed the situation. I want to help a friend out when I can but decide if you are comfortable doing that.

Don’t hesitate to tell someone you do not have any extra money. Maybe you can help with groceries, or in some other way if you feel comfortable doing that.

Make sure you are not enabling someone by constantly bailing them out of financial situations.

Remember that having a kind heart can make you and easy mark for someone. Don’t feel guilty about refusing to give financial help.

Protecting your time. This is the issue I struggle with the most. When I retired from teaching my daughter asked me to babysit my grandson. She works from home, and she wanted me to babysit him every day. I had to make some boundaries so that I could have some time for me after teaching for forty years. I agreed to watch him two days a week. A local school asked me if I would like to come teach. I said no. A colleague from my former school called me and asked if I would tutor several students. I agreed to that and tutored them for two years. It took a lot of my time, and at one point my daughter said, “Mom, you know you are not retired, right?” This year the school asked me to teach middle school, and I said no, as well as saying no to tutoring. It has been wonderful having all my time to do what I want.

You have to prioritize your time and protect it like the precious commodity it is. Say no to those things that don’t fill you up. Decide how you want to spend your time and then make it happen.

Guarding your peace. Life is too short to be in a constant state of turmoil because of other people’s drama. My son-in-law has the best attitude. He is always calm and easy-going. He deals with issues as they arise, refuses to engage in drama, and expects that everything will work out the way it should.

It’s so easy to match someone’s emotions and escalate a situation before you know all the facts. Stay calm and carry on is a great motto to have. Let other people own their issues and realize that yours might not be as big as you think they are.

Preserving your health. Your health is so important to everything you do. Do your best to eat healthy foods, sleep well, manage stress, don’t do anything to excess, move, and laugh a lot. Take care of yourself.