Rumination and Denial: The Forefront of Many Mental Health Disorders

Facing disbelief about my mental health diagnoses

Photo byShwa HallonUnsplash

I was about 15 years old when I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

I really believed that there was nothing wrong with me, and it was all 'in my head'. I lived in a family that believed that mental health problems meant laziness.

For the next ten years, I tried to live my days pushing myself past this 'laziness', I kept feeling. I had an answer for everything.

If I was anxious, it was because I wasn't doing enough.

If I was depressed, it was because I didn't want to be responsible.

But at the age of 25, I was diagnosed, again, with anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

All those years I really tried to shake the disorders and live my life like nothing was wrong. Well, let me tell you, that's not a good path to take.

Living with Depression and Anxiety

Living with anxiety and depression can come with many silent challenges. From the struggle to maintain proper self-care to earning a living for myself, I can find myself getting caught in the web that anxiety and depression can weave.

Every day can feel like a fight, especially when you're trying to pretend that nothing is wrong. Pretending that nothing is wrong just led me down a rough path that had me severely worried for my own future.

Sadly, there is no one-size-fits-all cure for mental health. I would LOVE to take a walk and have my anxiety lessened, but simply that isn't the case. Instead, many people with mental health struggles go through many trials of different drugs just to see what works.

With the symptoms from the mental health disorders, my ever-growing disbelief that anything was wrong, and my medication and treatment being a journey of its own left me feeling so defeated.

The Past Will Always Live in My Present

Rumination is a heavy burden that depression can leave on anyone. Rumination is the act of thinking about unpleasant emotions and suffering repeatedly, as well as the reasons behind and effects of such sensations.

In fact, rumination's negative, repetitive nature can exacerbate pre-existing illnesses such as anxiety or depression as well as help them develop.

For me, rumination hits me when it comes to embarrassing or upsetting times in my life. If I felt I made a fool of myself the last time I hung out with friends, I would be thinking of that situation for a while, running the events through my head over and over again.

Or it could be a tumultuous relationship that left me feeling very sad and upset. Those moments will play in my mind more often than I would like them to, leaving me hung up on the past.

Essentially, I can be stuck in the past while trying to be in the present. How can I enjoy the present when being stuck in the past?

Learning to Live With Mental Health Disorders

Understanding myself also involves understanding my mental health, disorders, and all. Living a happy life means I have to take care of myself, even if I think my symptoms aren't impacting me.

Every day is a struggle, and I am still trying to learn how to cope with these disorders, even 14 years later. My current battle is unlearning the negative associations I learned from my family about mental health.

If I have anxiety, I need to take a step back and relax.

If I feel depressed, I need to take care of myself.

If I ignore my mental health, it will only get worse.

So now, at the ripe age of 29 years old, I believe that I have a few mental health disorders, but I won't let that define me.

Suggested Readings

Breaking Down Baseline and Stability: Understanding Mental Health

Unraveling the Realities of PTSD

Understanding the Causes of Emotional Dysregulation: A Mental Health Guide

What Makes Someone a Narcissist

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Author's Note: Hello! Thanks for taking the time to read my article! This story was a bit vulnerable for me, but I always want to show that in my stories. So, if you liked this story, leave a comment, a like, or a follow! See you soon! :)