Every day I lived my life not knowing if what my family said to me was ever true. As the years passed, I could never tell what sly truth was hidden in an outrageous lie.
It all came to a boiling point during my time with my toxic family: I never wanted to talk to my family again. For many, this may be hard to understand.
Who in the world hates their family that much? Who could ever willingly stop talking to their family? It’s usually the people who have a close-knit family and receive support, love, and care.
When you experience a family that causes chaos and a toxic environment, it’s hard to see the future as anything but ominous.
Family is at the center of our life, even if we don’t notice it. Family is the supportive unit that helps us grow through childhood into adulthood. A loving, supportive family can go a long way.
But not everyone can have a loving and supportive family. Even then, each family has its own faults. Ultimately, the culture and environment in the family matter in working through those issues.
The culture within my family was a heavy factor in creating a toxic environment. To be honest, when evaluating if your family is toxic, it starts with understanding your culture.
I grew up in a deep Italian-American culture. The interactions allowed between family members were predetermined based on gender. Women had no power within the family; they were never equal to men.
With culture comes defining factors that are unique to each family:
Who will make decisions — the matriarch or patriarch of the family?
What kind of relationship do the parents in the family have?
What traditions are upheld in the family?
The culture is the backbone of how a family operates. A family is led by the standards that are founded. It’s the family’s unspoken rules; it’s how things are.
The rules of the toxic family — dictated primarily by culture — leave us to how the toxic environment forms. So my family geared their efforts toward always supporting the males within the family.
Through all of this, the ignorance that was engrained in my family carried the toxicity. The narcissist sat in the center of the most conflict — where they were always protected no matter what.
Creating a toxic family doesn’t happen overnight — it’s a long-fought battle. The influence of culture is part of creating a toxic family environment.
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