When someone thinks about what truly makes up a narcissist, typically the first thought is manipulation. Narcissists are all about what they can get for themselves. Everything in a narcissist's world centers around their own desires and beliefs. A heavy hand of manipulation comes in when a narcissist needs to ensure or strengthen their power over someone.
One of the most well-known tools that a narcissist uses is gaslighting.
For a more indepth understanding of the types of gaslighting, visit TheHotline.org
My experience with gaslighting
I experienced gaslighting consistent manipulation and abuse at the hands of a family member. This family member displayed odd behaviors that I noticed while growing up. The main behavior I noticed was lies. I caught this family member in too many lies to even keep track of. If I questioned these lies, they would gaslight me.
One of the many manipulations and gaslighting tactics that were used against me were lies. I was lied to constantly by this family member. If I caught that family member in a lie, they would swoop in to promptly correct my memory to support their reality. Even after catching them in lies, I still believed this person because I was raised to never doubt what they said.
Realizing I was gaslit
It wasn’t until a few years ago when I began to question the narcissist's logic and reasoning. It all started one day when I noticed something odd: what the narcissist had said about me, no one else believed.
I had been manipulated into believing such horrid things about myself, that I couldn’t distinguish lies from reality.
It all came to a point for me when my now husband and I were talking. I told him that I had done some awful things in my teen years that I needed to make right. I had expressed how badly I had upset the narcissist, and how I needed to prove to them that I was better.
One timemy husband asked me a simple question:
“What exactly did you do?”
How gaslighting effected me
I hadn’t done anything wrong, I was forced to shift my attention to myself instead of noticing what the narcissist was doing.
There wasn’t a single action that I had done that warranted my negative self-image. But I remember how the narcissist confronted me, him telling me that I was so awful and manipulative that he would be forced to call the police on me.
I remember feeling so devastated and ashamed of my actions. What left me in a true crisis was the fact that I was unable to find one single action that I had done to warrant calling the police.
Regardless, I had made the narcissist so upset that I felt tremendous guilt for my actions.
What was the inciting incident to this situation you might ask? Nothing.
What I realized
I was 17 years old with so many different life changes occurring that I was lost. I was the narcissist's perfect target. I was a young, impressionable kid who wanted validation and approval by someone who I cared about deeply.
I was not a liar, a cheater, or a manipulator — I was none of that!
Narcissists are empty shells, that need power over other people to feel complete.
I noticed that gaslighting was a common method of behavioral control from the narcissist. By invalidating and shaming their victim, the narcissists ultimately gain power over them.
Thankfully, I have built myself up from what was destroyed by the narcissist. They tried to make me feel like someone I'm not; I know who I am now.
If you feel unsafe in your relationship or are experiencing abuse, please visit TheHotLine.org for resources or for live chat, call, and text .
Author's Note:Hey, thanks so much for reading. Content like this is hard for me to right about, yet cathartic at the same time. Sending virtual hugs to all my readers who have experienced narcissistic abuse <3
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