My husband and I have recently been discussing when we will have kids. I have always wanted children, and now that the possibility is becoming very real, it’s scary.
Generally, this is a normal thing to be worried about it. We all want the best for our children.
Having children is a significant life change, it's obviously not something to take lightly. It's natural to wonder what you might pass down to your children: hair color, height, maybe even mental illness.
I have lived with mental illness for much of my life. But I worry about what I may be passing down to my children.
I have had anxiety since early childhood, which later morphed into different mental illnesses as I got older. I don’t want my kids to go through what I went through.
I live with mental illness, so I know how much of a struggle it is every day. I don’t want my future children to experience this. I know I do not have kids now, but I will one day. This is a thought that is heavily on my mind and has been for years.
I don’t want another person to go through what I have gone through. From what I have learned, inheriting a mental illness isn't all about genetics.
Nature vs. nurture
There is an aspect to my worry that can be answered with nature vs. nurture. If we have the genetic makeup, does that mean we will have that disorder? Much like gene expression for celiac, environmental factors can cause a disorder to present itself.
Environment plays a huge role in shaping who we are. Our environment can also affect gene expression, as mentioned by Professor Kathryn Douthit. This means that our environment can shape and affect us, but what kind of effect can it have?
I have such a need for control, and I recognize that. Perhaps this falls back to my perfectionism or lack of awareness of mental health at times; I want a better life for myself and my family.
I don’t know what it will be like when I have kids, nor will I know how to manage my mental illness once I have children. So why should I focus on controlling something that is completely out of my reach? I should focus on myself and making sure that I am okay.
I have to take care of myself to be a healthier version of myself for my future kids. Making a plan for my own mental health can help me navigate new motherhood when it does arrive.
The coping techniques I have now may not work or be appropriate for when I have children. My whole life will change, and I’ll need to learn to go with the flow.
Take my lesson of worry as a sign to let something go in your life that you have no control over. I am so stuck worrying about the mental health of my future children that I fail to see the reality I live in now.
I can’t be worrying about my future kids when I have me to worry about. My mental health is hard to manage at times, and I need to find better coping methods.
I can’t control passing down mental illness with kids, but I can be proactive with my own mental health.
Being proactive is being aware
I will never stop learning about mental health; I always want to improve myself. I can focus on myself, meditation, and learning more about better taking care of myself.
Being this worried about being a future mom isn’t going to benefit me right now. What I can do, is focus on my mental health and work on finding peace within myself.
I know that if I take care of myself, happiness can bleed out to those around me, even my future children when my kids come.
Writing this article and diving into research, I have learned a lot. I have learned that there is nothing I can do right, not ever, to prevent this.
What I can do, is better myself no, for my future children.
My mother was severely bipolar and suffered from constant severe anxiety, and she would not seek medical attention. We were finally able to get her help and put her on medication when she was 82, because at that time we were in control of her care. In her last few years she was actually a normal person! I wish she had sought help earlier in her life, because then my sister and I might have had a normal childhood. Unfortunately my sister and I suffer from high anxiety, but luckily we have learned to recognize and control it. But it is still a constant companion in our lives.
KILL_YOUR_LOCAL_POLITICIAN_420
26d ago
I have a diagnosis of bipolar 2 and schizoaffective and possibly PTSD. my great aunt had schizophrenia and my older sister has schizophrenia. I'm pretty sure we all had it through genetics... my PTSD isn't through genetics though, that comes from witnessing trauma in my lifetime...
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